| A
female
,
*ightAngel
writes: Once again, thank you all agony aunts for answering my questions for years, dunno what I would do without all of you!! The situation I'm in is rather complicated. Me and my boyfriend have been on/off for 3 years, but he's finally very committed to me, and we live together, I actually think he may propose soon :). Problem being he has a brother, whom..I hardly talk to, but his girlfriend of about 3 years and I have become rather close. They broke up a year ago, but still see each other every so often. Well my boyfriend and his bro work at the same office, and they have a very..slutty secretary. And the brother ended up hooking up with her on a few occasions, and even asking the ex over right afterwords. I can't say anything without disappointing someone. The secretary and the brother stopped seeing eachother, and I was talking to the ex-girlfriend that she looks great, been getting her life together etc. Well, the brother never told her about the secretary. And she ended up asking me about it, and I couldn't lie to her, even after telling her I couldn't get involved. I then felt so guilty I had to tell my bf who's been distant with me, even though she hasn't said anything to the brother yet. I'm in such a difficult situation, and even though the damage is done, I don't want to lose my bf over this. Please help on what I can do now?? :(
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, NightAngel +, writes (24 October 2009):
NightAngel is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all so much for your opinions!
-grim duuno why your answer was rejected or even that you could do that .
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  + ♥, writes (23 October 2009):
 Well that changes my original advice.
(Oh thats right...once again it was REJECTED...so I guess I'll go with this)
If someone promises they aren't sleeping with somebody else and then lies about it, regardless then the dumb idiot gets what he deserves. lol...that guy is an idiot to make a promise like that. it's obvious he had no intention of keeping it.
Wish I would have been privy to this before I posted my original response. But thank you for expanding your answer
...............................
A
female
reader, NightAngel +, writes (23 October 2009):
NightAngel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI knew of the 'third' because my boyfriend told me, and I saw her a few times sleeping over, since I live there. Problem is, the brother promised her that he wasn't sleeping with anyone, even after she found used condoms in his trash. I found out that they had an agreement that if either of them slept with someone and lied about it they were over, but obviously those rules don't apply to him. I told my bf from the beginning that I was uncomfortable with the whole thing, and his excuse for his brother is that they've been broken up for a year now and she has no entitlement to him..
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality + ♥, writes (23 October 2009):
It was none of your business in the first place, especially if they are now broken up. It did no good to bring it up if they are no longer exclusive. It seems very immature on your part and will probably have some real ramifications as to whether you are accepted into this family.
If they were dating exclusively it would be one thing. But they were broken up, so thats completely a different matter.
I don't know if your BF will break up with you, but I would not be surprised if the proposal was put on hold. Blood is thicker than water, and the family may view you now as a meddler and a drama starter.
This has bad ending written all over it. remember in the future that when we get involved in things that are none of our business, that it comes back top bit us in the ass twice as hard
...............................
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (23 October 2009):
 That's what happens when some dumb male feels the need to brag about conquests- his fault he didn't think about the consequences when he opened his big mouth, unless he just told his brother, who in turn, trusted you with the info. If not, he put you in a VERY awkward position and you followed your morals and principles and besides, cleaning up his sloppy mistakes is not your job. The problem is...you got in the middle, never a good place to be. Personally, I would have told that ex-girlfriend to follow her gut feelings and work it out with him- that pretty much tells her ALL she needs to know and saves you from any direct backlash from this whole deal- whatever direction it turns and puts the burden of proof on their relationship, where it belongs. You've got a bigger problem if it was your boyfriend that entrusted you with this secret. He's going to view that as a direct betrayal in your relationship, especially if he's protective of his sibling. The other concern for you is if your boyfriend feels comfortable with his brother's scummy behavior- chances are, his brother might cover for him later in regards to the same bad behavior. You really want to look at family values when it comes to these two guys. If your boyfriend freaks out over your disclosure, you'd be wise to rethink your whole relationship with him- that'll be a true test of his values. If he's any different from his own brother, he should at least be able to empathize with your moral conflict. If not, watch out.
...............................
A
male
reader, adamskidude  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 You havn't done anything wrong so don't worry. Talk to your boyfriend if you think theres a problem, thats how all problems are solved. You should never have been put in that position and you dont need to justify your actions.So relax, talk to your boyfriend and everything should be finegood luck kthxbai ^^
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (23 October 2009):
You need to talk to your boyfriend. You have to explain to him that you had kept quiet to avoid hurting anyone, but when faced with a question, you had to tell the truth because that's what you believe. He couldn't have expected you to lie for his brother. After all, his brother is responsible. Talk to him and just tell him it's not your place to lie for anyone.
...............................
|
