A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I'm losing myself. My boyfriend and I have been off and on since I was 14 I am now 22. We have been engaged twice he even moved to states to be with me and I later followed him to another destination, where we are now. At times I would feel smothered and not ready for a serious relationship so I would flirt and talk to other guys. I cheated once before he came to where we are now, and he found out. We've had physical fights before but I thought we could work through it. Once in the other place it was ok for a while but he started neglecting me, hanging with friends leaving me home alone so I started talking to guys again. I have no family where we are now, just him. More horrible fights with domestic abuse, until I just ran from him. After moving into my own place and gettin back in college I stupidly took him back. I dealt with other guys while we were apart and I admit I didn't immediately stop but once he moved in with me I did.Fast foward a year and he had a daughter while we were on break and now his wages are gettin garnished because another girl put him on child support. He can't get his own apartment because of a broken lease and I felt sorry and didn't want him to be homeless. Every time we argue its screaming crying and more domestic abuse. I've told him I want to separate and move and he threatens to make a scene at my job and get me fired. When I came home his stuff was packed, but he wouldn't leave. I threw his things down the stairs and he was horrible. After I cried hysterically he apologized and said I provoked him. In his eyes I only want to move so I can sleep with other guys. My sister is moving to here next month so I can live with her but what do I do in the meantime?I don't make enough to pay my rent alone and he co signed for my car and he's broke so we are sharing mine. he will not let me leave with it. Please help I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, Khouk07 +, writes (6 February 2012):
Sweetie, I was in a relationship like this. I lived an hour away from all family and after a drunken night at the club my ex started beating on me because I was 'dancing with another dude'. When I never was. I tried to leave and he punched out my headlights so I couldn't leave at 3 am. I went back to him after he promised it wouldn't happen Again. Actually, he got me flowers like those were going to heal my bruises and self confidence. This relationship on yours will never change just like mine didn't.. Yelling and screaming, kicking and punching. It's all abuse all the time. Get out ASAP!!!! Do anything in your power to leave!! Contact your sister and see if she can come early. Go to a shelter and contact the police!! If he pursues you, get a Protection from abuse order out for him! I actually had to put a PFA on my second ex because he rammed his car into the bar I was in one night trying to kill me (don't judge me-- I choose very bad people and don't realize until it's too late). But, I haven't seen or talked to this person in a year and my life is a hell of a lot better. Get out and don't look back. You deserve better and when you get it, you would have never thought it was this good!!
A
female
reader, mntrstina30 +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Ive been there hunny and trust me its not EASY to get out and especially where there is a child involved..:( but think of this as doing it for not only yourself but you daughter-sooner or later she is going to see mommy really hurt and then what,sometimes the child is next..Its not fair to her,and I did the same thing you did,left went back,left went back,its like and addiction,and trust me they will ruin you if they see they can-and its because they are not a man guys that hit women are nothing but bullies and they think less of themselves so they have to take it out on you and make you feel less of a person and beat the crap out of you-and if you hit back , it just gets worse and you will start to hate them and even think of some crazy things to do to them to make them never hurt you again,its a mind game,and you also dont want to go to jail for that loser..your way to beautiful and smart and an awesome person to let him win..I know you can do it..I did after almost 10 yrs and we got married and that lasted a year..and he cheated,etc,dont let him play you,take your clothes and what you can and get out..and call the car dealership explain to them whats going on...you can do this! I faith in you..Everything will work out.* Hugs*
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A
female
reader, Abella + ♥, writes (6 February 2012):
 It is not going to be easy to walk away because he would have undermined your confidence to a terrible degress. Find a support group for abused women in your city or area. You will need emotional support to walk away from this nasty man. For the sake of your emotional and physical health you need to make quiet arrangements to leave.
Do not tell him you are leaving. His only aim is to ruin your life. Get out today. You are the middle of a toxic relationship and you do deserve better than this.
if you do not know a support group in your area then ask a Police officer. I bet they know where abused women can get help in their area. An abuser only ever gets nastier and nastier and you do not deserve that.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  + ♥, writes (6 February 2012):
 Listen hunny...you can't be worrying about a car and rent right now... if you think this way... you will stay together for convenience (which there really isn't alot of)! You have to bite the bullet and walk away. Give yourself sometime to breath before looking for a new healthy relationship. The current relationship has run its course. xx
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (6 February 2012):
 if you have friends or family you can stay with take advantage of that until you can get enough money together to get your own car and apt. but get the heck out ASAP!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): It is time to move on. The relationship is seriously toxic. You do not need it. But emotionally you feel you drawn to your abuser. All the more reason to get some counselling to help you dis-engage emotionally from your abuser. You owe him NOTHING. No matter what he says.Put your local police number on speed dial on your phone. Your boyfriend is not someone you need in your life. Contact the finance people about the car, pronto and sort something out.Find out where the nearest women's shelter is as you may need it. Do not stay a minute longer than you need to stay. This man is dangerous. Do not allow yourself to be saddled with SAD (Sexually acquired Debt)Speak to the Landlord pronto about you inability to pay for the rent alone. Sort something out.Be especially nice to your sister as you do need her support and help to live within your meansHe ia an abusive adult. If he ends up homeless he engineered his own downfall. when he is abusing you the last thing he considers if YOUR feelings. Stop being manipulated by this abusive man.The abuse cycle is well known. There is the part where he apologizes and is contrite and everything is always someone elses fault. And he promises to never do it again.Then he gets picky, offers to fix it for you. Grumbles a bit. You lose confidence. Then he gets mean. Complains and blames and is downright nastyThen he reaches the cescendo. All comes crashing down. He 'loses it'. You get hurt. He abuses. He goes too far. You get hurt. There is uproar. There is mayhem and serious abuse. Then he is contrite. He is worried he has gone too far. He softens. He can't do enought for you. The abuse is over (NO it is not) and you think he has changed for the better (NO he has not) and all seems well. This is the Honeymoon stage of the abuse cycle. Then the abuse cycle starts all over again. Please leave him now before he does something unthinkable.This article from Dear Cupid explains it perfectly:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-honeymoon-stage-in-an-abusive-relationship-and.html
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A
female
reader, blonde30s + ♥, writes (6 February 2012):
 you need to end this r.ship and all contact with him as well. sounds like you are starting to sort yourself out though, as living with your sister will be a good idea and do not let him know your address. change your phone number as well and any trouble from him then call the police and talk to your boss at work about it as well im sure if you explain then someone would help you. move in with your sister change your number and tell him straight its over for good and you do not want contact with him.
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