A
female
age
41-50,
*nfsdnluv
writes:My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the summer. He initiated it, saying he wasn't ready and just couldn't do it. I was heartbroken (and still am). Truthfully, we both made mistakes leading to the break-up. He was emotionally closed off and that made my imagination run wild; which, in turn, made me do stupid things (i.e. calling him repeatedly when he was on biz trips and wouldn't answer). However, in all fairness, I don't think our issues could not have been worked out - we had the same values, same goals, there was no one else involved, no cheating, we wanted the same things, we liked the same things, etc. We talked for a couple months after the actual break-up - most days, even leading up to a dinner out together. But, a couple months after the official break-up we got into an ugly fight , he said he just wanted it to be over, I said I deserved better and we really haven't spoken since. Frankly, we both said nasty things that night, but things I'd be willing to put aside given we were both drunk and angry and hurt. Anyway, after that we really didn't talk much except for the closing out of the apartment we once shared (we lived together for about a year). That was a month ago, tho, so we haven't talked since then - or seen each other. In fact, I don't think we've seen each other in almost 3 months now...anyway, I've had plenty of time to think about everything thta has happened. I regret the things I did, I am sorry for my mistakes, I am still hurt by some things he did/said, but I truly believe in the love we shared and I want to give it a second chance...any advice on how to get back on my ex's radar and give it a go? Guys, what would make you reconsider taking your ex back and trying again? Also, I should be getting the security deposit back from our old apartment this week (the leasing office said it would take a month to get it back). I put it down in my name, but he paid me his share for it, which means I will have to pay him out his share when I get the check this week. We typically pay each other money thru paypal online, so there's no real need to see each other or mail anything, etc. However, you can put notes on paypal, do you think I should use that as a way to extend the olive branch? Perhaps say something like "Here is your share of our security deposit that I received back this week. I also want to let you know that being apart has given me alot of time to think about the things I did in our relationship which I now regret. I am working on changing so that I can become a person worthy of trust. I hope when time has healed that you will forgive me and be willing to risk trying to be friends again." (I've been told the only way to reconcile will be to start by being friends...hence the offer to start a friendship, right?) Maybe it woudl be nice if I went the traditional route, though, and sent him a note and a check in the mail?Help!!! How do I get the second chance?!?!
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broke up, drunk, heartbroken, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JustaGuy  +, writes (29 October 2007):
Heya,
I Think sending a cheque along with a letter would be a nice gesture. Try to make the letter light hearted and casual, no mushy stuff or confessions of burning love. Just offer your friendship and make no other attempts to contact him after you send the letter, If you act clingy you will only distance him further. If he wants he will reply.
Good Luck X
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 Hi,
If you want to contact him, I think a hand written letter on its own will suffice. If you send the cheque then its almost like a business transaction in my view.
I would send him his money back via paypal with a small note in the comments section.
Is there any real hope that you guys can start afresh? You mention that you will change, but what about him? Will he become more communicative in this new relationship? Is this a condition you would insist on to get back? Communication difficulties between couples are one of the prime reasons for relationships breaking up, if he doesnt want to get back together as much as you do, he may be unwilling to put in the effort you think he needs to
. You are willing to start afresh, you just have to hope that he is as well. But steel yourself for the possibility that he may have moved on with his life and may not want to revist the emotional drama that unfolded when you two split up.
At the end of the day, I think the letter is a good idea, it will allow you to sit down and articulate your feelings and you have nothing to lose by it really.
Good luck.
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