A
female
age
30-35,
*weetcheeks95
writes:hey everyoneI have been friends with a guy for three years and we finally got together seven months ago (life was good) ...we started have a sexual relationship about three months ago, i am just abit worried that he doesnt love me anymore and just using me for sex :\ At the beginning of our relationship i was a virgin and i decide he was the one to take my ' v '. Our relationship was prefect: he always texted me, come to see me, said he loved me etc but since we have been having sex all of that have been starting to fade away :\ which is confusing. Is he just change the prefect relationship because he has finally got what he wanted (sex)? Or does he still love me like he used to say he did ? Please help me with my relationship
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 I think this would have happened regardless of the sex. I don't think he is using you for sex, but some men (and some women too) get "comfortable" in relationships after a while and simply stop doing the extras and putting in work. It could be they are just being comfortable, and showing love and care in other ways. You must remember that at the beginning he was flirting and courting you, you are at a different stage now in the relationship. Or, it could be he is starting to take you for granted, because some people, especially those without much relationship experience, don't understand that a relationships needs to be nourished to survive. If you stop the romantics then the relationship usually takes a negative turn. But many people don't understand that.
If he is showing you love and care in different ways than before, but still showing you, then you have nothing to worry about. The relationship is just progressing to a more comfortable stage. However, if the affections have stopped and you don't feel his love and care for you at all, or barely at all, you should talk to him about a relationship needing nourishing. A relationship can't be left on it's own and survive, it takes two people to work at it to keep it going, which means you must work to keep the romance alive.
I don't think this is about sex at all, rather it is about the relationship having passed the famous 6 month mark, where so many couples drift from the "in love" phase and into the "comfortable" phase. Sex tends to decrease at this stage as well, in general.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Yes, it will work. Don't have sex with him and observe his reactions. Don't have sex for 2 or 3 months and see where it goes. If he shows less interest, speaks to you less, or is pushing for sex, you'll have your answer. The fact that you feel used is a bad sign. People typically feel used unless it's happening.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 What does 'in his own way' mean, exactly? Does that mean he decides to do nice things for you on his own schedule or does that mean he calls you when he wants to see you but doesn't set up proper dates?
If you're having doubts, it's either your expectations are too high or he isn't showing up for his side of the relationship.
How exactly does he demonstrate his love for you?
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A
female
reader, sweetcheeks95 +, writes (22 November 2011):
sweetcheeks95 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah :( i am going to stop the sex and see if he is only using me or not....do u think that will work ??
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Sweetie.. if a man loves you he's not using you
you can't have it both ways
either he loves you and all is fine
or he is using you
he can't LOVE AND USE you... at the same time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): It seems like you are just being insecure about your progressing relationship. It is not necessarily a boredom or a lack of love, but a comfortableness with the current state of his relationship. He is happy, which means he is not sad or insecure. This is easily interpreted by women as a apathetic attitude or a lack of interest, but that happens to women all the time. When a guy is constantly showing you his love and constantly giving you attention, you get used to it. As a result, you don't feel like you have to try as hard to win him over. Then, you become comfortable with it to the point where you don't have to put in any "effort", but he will continue to shower you with affection and love regardless!So if you want him to show more interest and affection, you have to make yourself less available and go a little bit colder than you are now. Become a bit more flighty when he doesn't behave the way you want him to. Walk out the door when he doesn't give you attention. Make him work for your love and let him realize that you are unhappy with the way he treats you in an indirect way. That will help your relationship become stronger and head in the direction you want it to.
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A
female
reader, sweetcheeks95 +, writes (22 November 2011):
sweetcheeks95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy boyfriend does show me he loves me but in his own way :\ i just want to make sure he isnt using me.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Maybe he is confused about how he feels.Are you his first sexual partner?
if so then maybe he doean,t know how to react to the situation anymore!
If you are not his first maybe he has found that he doesn,t feel the same way,now you have had sex.
Perhaps he feels you should of stayed friends!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2011):
the best way to see if it's all about sex is to stop having sex. if you say you are afraid to stop having sex with him because he will leave, well then you have your answer don't you. Even if that's NOT true, it's what you believe....and that alone is enough to end a relationship... there is no trust or faith there.
but you need to know that as relationships mature, the constant "up in your face we have to be together" changes.
and a man SAYing he loves you does not compare with a man SHOWING you he loves you... how? not sexually... other ways... helping you with things... doing things for you or with you.
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