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Help! I'm scared to tell my mom I'm pregnant... again!

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2010) 16 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *rownskinbeauty writes:

Please help me, I just turned 16 january 20 and my boyfriend turned 19 dec 16, i got pregnant before and got an abortion 5 months ago and I'm pregnant again. my mom is extra strict and so is my family, once again my bf wants to keep it and I do too but I'm afraid of telling my mom.. what should I do ?

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (8 December 2010):

A lot of people have stuff to last them for a while...that's what baby showers are great for. Babies grow fast and you'll have to keep replacing those clothes. 1000 diapers will be gone within a year. Not trying to be negative, but you have 18-years at least to provide...so you may not be struggling now, but eventually you probably will be at one time. Almost everyone does, adults do--it's life. But good luck and enjoy your new baby!

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A female reader, brownskinbeauty United States +, writes (7 December 2010):

brownskinbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question

brownskinbeauty agony auntOk haven't been here in a while but big surprise I was pregnant after all which was wierd because I had my period...I kept it & gave birth to a beautiful babygirl whom I love more then life its self...yes I'm young & I know this BUTTT I must say I'm doing a better job raising my daughter then some of these adult mothers in my neighbourhood...as for those who thought I was going to struggle you can think again my daughter has a closet & 2 big dressers full of clothes & still some in the bags, she has over 1000 diapers, she has things she dosent even need untill she is at least 6 months, & as for me I'm still in school and will be graduating 2012 with my correct class, I'm still with my boyfriend happier then ever & our family adore and loves our daughter.she is super spoiled :) LIFE IS GREAT & EVEN BETTER WiTH THE JOY OF BEiNG A MOMMY :)

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A female reader, brownskinbeauty United States +, writes (22 February 2010):

brownskinbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question

brownskinbeauty agony auntcome to find out iam not pregnant i just happened to miss a period and me and my boyfriend stacked up on condoms and iam on birth control at the time also...thanks everyone that helped i really needed the advice

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A female reader, stephanie,jayne United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2010):

Oh dear... Ok firstly if you and your boyfriend want to keep the baby then that is your choice not your mums but at the same time you are underage and this could get your boyfriend in alot of trouble.

I'm confussed though, because from what you say it seems asthough neither of these pregnancies were planned, this raises the question, why didnt you practice safe sex and learn from the first time!!? you cant go through life having unprotected sex and then aborting unplanned babies! abortion is not a form of contraception!

However everyone makes mistakes! I know that you probably love your boyfriend and in your mind having a baby is the perfect way to make you a family, and i cant believe im going to say this because i used to HATE it when people said it to me but you are very young to have a baby and this will put a MASSIVE strain on your education, your financial situation and your relationship with friends, family and your boyfriend. Your going to miss out on alot of things if you have this baby and you cant even be sure that you will still be with your boyfriend in years time!

If your going to have a baby you need to be able to give it the life it deserves! you need to be financially stable which im guessing your not because your still in school, you cant bring a child up on benifits, and it isnt fair to expect your parents and your boyfriends family to support you!

You need to sit your boyfriends family and your family down together and explane that your pregnant and want to keep it, they will be angry and dissapointed at first but if you insist on keeping the baby you will need their support! dont rush into anything, you have no idea how hard it is bringing a baby up!! you may think its all fairy dust and wonderful sunsets but its not! Its 2am feeds, dirty nappies, crying all through the night, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year undevided attention, you cant even have an hour to yourself!! you will miss out on your teenage life and you can probably kiss your relationship goodbye because once this baby comes after 9 months of back ache, morning sickness, swollen ancles, tender breasts, and horrific hormonal mood swings you will wish the 9 months hadnt ended because for at least the next 4 years you wont get a second for yourself untill the baby goes to pre school, but even then every second your away from the baby you will be working in a dead end job (because you have no qualifications as you had to drop out of school to look after the baby) just trying to scrape enough money together to keep your head above water! just please think about what your letting yourself into!! xx

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A female reader, curious0hot United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

curious0hot agony auntJust sit her down, and tell her. I commend you for wanting to keep it; pro-life.

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A female reader, brownskinbeauty United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

brownskinbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question

brownskinbeauty agony auntwell i was on birthcontrol to stop myself from making another mistake but i still ened up pregnant im goin to take a test but i have symtoms and did miss my period..my friends suggested a stronger pill or maybe a patch

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010):

the question shouldn't be, what should i do/how should i tell my mom i'm pregnant again, but rather 'how should i avoid getting pregnant again'?

please please please tell us what type of birth control you are using? if you say you were using legitimate birth control methods and still wound up pregnant (say you got two condoms out of a million safe condoms, that had defects), we will all sleep better tonight, than if you say you didn't use any at all.

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A female reader, brownskinbeauty United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

brownskinbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question

brownskinbeauty agony auntno i noticed i was pregnant at 3-4 months and finally was able to get an abortion at about my 21st week thats the highest they'll go to..i got in done in manhattan

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

I hope you mean that you were pregnant for 2-months and kept it a secret for 5-months, because you can't have an abortion after about 13 wks unless something is seriously wrong with the baby...so at 2-months hardly anyone shows.

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A female reader, Jayney Y Australia +, writes (1 February 2010):

Jayney Y agony auntDo you know what is causing the pregnancy? There is a book called "Where Did I Come From?" which may help you.

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A female reader, GoGreen126 United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

Would you mind my asking if I were to inquire how: a. You keep getting pregnant, b. Didn't learn from the first time, or c. Plan to handle this other than telling someone?

Let's start with a. Do you not have safe sex? Condoms plus the pill are the safest way. As someone suggested, maybe you should do something more permanent from this point forward?

B. Wasn't it scary/traumatizing enough the first time you dealt with this? I'm 16. I'll admit, I even want a baby. That does not, by any means, suggest I'll act on that desire! My boyfriend and I are too young for any aspect of parenting, and if you reflect, I'm sure you'll see the same in yourself, too. I advocate abstenance at every chance I get, but clearly it's a bit late for that. I don't believe in abortions, like your boyfriend. It's up to you though, as the law stands.

C. If you keep the baby, I'm pretty sure you couldn't hide him or her. How can you hide a pregnancy for so long? Are you taking prenatal vitamins? Are you attending regular doctor's appointments? Are you eating right? Please, for the sake of the helpless unborn child inside you, treat it right. That child needs proper nutrition, and so do you. I'm begging you to tell your parents--I DONT CARE how strict they are! They will likely support you. If they don't, you'll work something out with your boyfriend, right? None of this is ideal, but you know what? Neither is being pregnant at 16. And for the second time, I might add.

Message me with questions--

best of luck

--GG

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A female reader, brownskinbeauty United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

brownskinbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question

brownskinbeauty agony aunti have hidden my last pregnancy for 7 months !..i dont really show when i get pregnant from what ive seen in my last pregnancy me and my bf do get check ups we are clean!..and my bf is working and going to school as well as i am

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A female reader, Not My Name Australia +, writes (1 February 2010):

Not My Name agony auntWether or not you kep this child is one thing, but you seriously need to address the issue surrounding why you have failed to protect yourself against becoming pregnant in the first place. At this rate, you will have had either 9 abortions or 4 kids by the time you are 20! Not to mention all the diseases and infections you could pick up along the way!

You must do something to prevent this happening. I would not even suggest the pill and condoms for you, but something longer lasting like a depo shot so you can be covered for 3 months at a time without having to remember to do anything on a daily basis.

Scared or not, you simply are going to have to just tell your mum. You can't hide a baby, and I doubt you boyfriend has the funds to pay for a termination. I doubt too that he has funds to help raise a child ... well it looks like he did not bother to even contribute to some condoms anyway.

If too daunting to do in person, as has been suggested write a letter and even clear off for a few hours to give your parents time to get over the initial reaction and calm down a bit.

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A female reader, brownskinbeauty United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

brownskinbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question

brownskinbeauty agony auntmy mom never knew about the 1st pregnancy and my bf just dosent believe in abortions but if i choose to have one he's ok with it..

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

Well you have to tell your mom, you can't keep it a secret. It will be obvious when you start showing...or even when you start sleeping and puking all the time. I don't know why you didn't learn your lesson before. Obviously your mom isn't too strict or she would have kept you from seeing that boyfriend of yours after your first pregnancy. If you're too afraid to say it to her face, then write her a note. I know it's scary, but if your family is strict it's usually because they love you and want what's best for you, not because they hate you, so I'm sure your family will be there to support you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010):

How do you keep getting pregnant? You should stop having sex if this happens to you so much, clearly you can not take good enough precautions.

You will just have to tell your mom, in 9 months she will find out anyway. And in all honesty, you got yourself into this mess and now you face the consequences. Take responsibility for your actions, and please stop having sex until you are ready for children. Also your boyfriend doesn't sound like he cares that much about you if he didn't bother to use protection, and the fact that he wants a 16 year old to keep a baby speaks for itself: he is not taking care of your interest and protecting you.

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