A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 months now, and we get along very well. He's stable, he has a good job, he's good looking, and he cares for me a lot.Unfortunately, I end up thinking about sex with one of my exes while I'm having sex with my boyfriend. I feel like I'm "cheating" on my boyfriend in some way, but I just can't keep these thoughts out of my head. I was very attracted to my ex, but I realized I was just another sexual conquest for him, and that he would never commit to an exclusive relationship with me. I have not seen or talked to my ex in over a year, and I had thought I was completely over him. I rarely think about him except when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. I really care about my boyfriend, and I want to stop thinking about my ex and move on, but I can't! These thoughts are really messing with me. How do I get rid of these thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 December 2010):
 I had something similar happen with an ex who I never had any real closure with. I actually bumped into that ex at my brother's graduation and made some small talk. Then she showed up at my apartment one night. The good news was that I was able to get the closure I needed, the bad news was that this was my PSYCHO ex, and I was living with my GF at the time. My GF overheard things that caused a rift in our relationship... Anyway, once I got that closure, I was fine. Perhaps you need something like that.
Another technique you can try. When you're having sex, call out your BF's name or say, "I love you _______." Bring your focus to him. Eyes open, looking him in the eye. Concentrate on him.
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