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He would make plans with me, then disappear and turn off his cell.

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2013) 12 Answers - (Newest, 22 September 2013)
A female Singapore age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hello

I have a guy friend.he met me once. he would always make plans with me. but he wouldnt turn up on the day we make plans. Its always he who makes the plans. but finally when i call him on the day he made the plan his cell is off. goes directly to voicemail.

i have spoken about it to him. but he keeps doing it. i donot know what pleasure people get in doing this. he even says he would love to meet me and all.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 September 2013):

chigirl agony auntYou are making plans with him if you agree to meet him, don't you know that? Even if he is the one who initiates, you agree to meet him, thus you are making plans with him. Stop agreeing to meet him when you know he doesn't make an appearance.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result."

You keep making plans with him, he keeps standing you up and ignoring you, and you keep making plans with him, and he keeps standing you up.. Uhm, exactly for how long do you plan in running in this circle? That's what I mean by stop making plans with him. Ignore him, like CindyCare translated. He's not worth your time.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 September 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt Personally I was not condamning anything. I was just curious about why , after this gentleman blew you off so rudely more than once , you are still communicating with him / answering his calls or returning them / tryng to get in touch with him. That's surprising- since you say he KEEPS doing it. " Keeps " means , several times,-and I'd say that most people, after the second time , would already have gotten fed up .

I think that's what Chigirl meant by " stop making plans "- just shorthand for " stop believing in, hoping to partacipate in, giving any credit to HIS plans ". In short : IGNORE him.

As for why he does this, your guess is as good as ours, in fact better since you know the guy and we don't.

My guess, for what is worth, is that he is not actually interested in meeting you. At least, he has several other options and you are low on the list. So he makes plans, but they aren't firm plans, they are conditional. Conditional to something better coming up. So, by the time it would be your turn, and his time to show up and meet you,,... he has already gone off with some other girl, or out with his friends.

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A female reader, Ross04 Singapore +, writes (22 September 2013):

Ross04 agony auntChigirl..... please stop giving advice.

The fact you wrote the sentence.... " stop making plans with him"

Shows you dont understand the question.

The way you have written. As if " i " am the one making plans.

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A female reader, Ross04 Singapore +, writes (22 September 2013):

Ross04 agony auntPleasw you all are condeming me as if i am bothering him. We are just friends. I am just curious about his behaviour. Thats all

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A female reader, Ross04 Singapore +, writes (22 September 2013):

Ross04 agony auntOmg..... we r just friends.... and i never call to make plans. Its he who does it

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 September 2013):

chigirl agony auntHe does it because he doesn't care if he meets you or not. You're just not that important. But he wont tell you to your face, so he keeps saying he would like to meet you, instead of just being honest.

Stop making plans with him unless this is how you like being treated.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 September 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt...And you are still bothering with him ? What for ? ..

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (22 September 2013):

llifton agony auntI wouldn't keep a person like that in my life. I can't stand when people do that crap. What's the point? Anyway, just ignore him and let it go. He's not worth it.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (22 September 2013):

Aunty BimBim agony auntSimple, don't make plans with him, and considering his behaviour I would suggest you have a good long think about why he is even in your life, unless he is adding something positive to it put him in the "mere acquaintance" pile and limit your interactions with him.

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A female reader, Aunty Babbit United Kingdom +, writes (21 September 2013):

Aunty Babbit agony auntYou say he keeps doing this yet you keep going back for more! Why?

If he was shy then he would probably text or phone you and make some excuse to cancel the meet but he hasn't done this.

He's playing a cruel game and is being completely disrespectful to you. Block his number and ignore him. He's self centred, no friend and is making a fool of you. He needs to grow up a bit.

You deserve better than that, ignore him.

I hope this helps AB x

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (21 September 2013):

What's the question?

He's an insensitive jerk, stop talking with him or this will just be something you'll have to get used to.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (21 September 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntHes playing a huge mind game. Testing ur interest. He sounds possibly manipulative. Be careful.

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