A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend never shows me any affection. he used to costantly during the first few months; it was almost too much affection. But now I feel ignored all of the time. We sit together on the couch with a foot between us, and unless I initiate it, there isn't any. Then, he never comes to bed with me. He always prefers to sleep on the couch or on the floor, but tells me it isn't me. I used to believe him and occasionally he made an effort to sleep in the room with me for a couple nights in a row, but it's been all week and he still is sleeping on the floor. I went out to sleep on the floor with him like I have done so often and he got mad. He threw a shoe at my foot, and stormed off into the room. We haven't talked since. I think he is embarrassed, but I don't know if I should lose this guy or not. I really want to be with him. He has a lot of good qualities and it might be just a phase he is going through, but I am tired of waiting. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (22 July 2008):
 How were you forced to move in together? Are you paying the bills (you mentioned he really doesn't have stable employment)? Do you think there is a possibility he's having this 'relationship' with you because he's dependent on you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay, I understand I didn't really provide enough details. we've been together for a year. we were forced to move in together a little to early, at least I thought so and he probably feels the same way; however he always spent the night in the room with me when he spent the night. I met him several months before he was to move out of state. he made the move out of state four months after we started dating. I planned to move out there later, but he couldn't find a decent paying job and grew tired of the long distance relationship and moved back to be with me. I had a roommate when he first moved in, but she moved in with her boyfriend a couple months later and we are all still good friends.
right now, I feel it would not be good for our relationship to move apart. neither of us have desire to do so. he's told me when I suggested we move to a different apartment that he's tired of moving around and feels settled here and would like to keep things stable for awhile.
I think he does have intimacy issues. I didn't think of that, but he does avoid eye contact most of the time, but that's a family trait too. his mother and sister are the same way.
he is divorced.
when he told me once that he has always slept wherever he felt like it, I asked if he did this throughout his marriage and he said only in the end.
he didn't do it too much when he first moved in. It started with him falling to sleep watching tv once or twice a week and coming to bed on his own at around five in the morning. sometimes I would go get him when he did this. he did this more and more and started resisting my attempts to get him to come to bed. I began to have a hard time getting back to sleep knowing he was out there, so I wanted him back in bed. Now it seems the only times he comes to bed are when he feels like he should just do it to be nice to me.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
 What are his other good qualities and what are his bad ones?
Fear of intimacy, anger issues (this time it was a thrown shoe at your foot, next your face?_How is the sex?
Frankly there is not enough information for any conclusion. How does he behave towards other women in general, any ex-girlfriends? Sisters? Mother?
How long is a few months? Did something happen, no matter how trivial it may seem to you, before the change?
How is his general behavior? Has this changed?
Just a couple of possiblities:
He is gay but in denial and was trying to be hetero.
Something you did, or he thinks you did, is causing him to hate you.
He has a fear of intimacy and was overcompensating in the beginning but now is back where he was before the two of you started.
Find out his past and how he behaves in general around both men and women.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
Maybe you are hot, and he likes the cold to sleep?
I have been known to roll over and hug my hubbie in the night only for him to mumble something about being hot and throw me off him. He doesn't remember it the next morning as he was asleep and assumed I was a blanket.
I think you need to tell him you are considering ending it because there is so little affection and ask him to really explain what is going on.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Jen86 +, writes (22 July 2008):
Ask him whats wrong. Do you know if there's anything stressful going on in his life? If he won't answer threaten to leave him as you can't put up with his antics (or lack of them) any more
...............................
|
