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He wont introduce me to his family!

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear All,

Ihave been with my current boyfriend for almost 2yrs. I am 21 and he is almost 25. I have recently got back from a year abroad during which he waited for me.

My problem is his family and how during this 2yr period I have never met them.

His mum has a 10year alcohol problem and constantly cheats on his father and the pressure of this has affected his dads mental state. They are currently going through a separation.

He has a 17yr old sister who he idolises and again I have never met her. In his opinion she is perfect and there doesnt really seem to be anything that she cant do.

His brother and sister-in-law have a daughter and again he worships this niece and talks about her as if she was his own. He adores his sister-in-law too. I understand that these people are important to him but I cant help but feel jealous when he doesnt want me having anything to do with them yet cant help himself but ram them down my throat constantly.

I have suggested meeting everybody but his parents which he says he doesnt think is a good idea because it is unfair to his mum and dad.

Im kinda running out of ideas about just how to be patient and how to not be jealous but he doenst make it easy.

Any thoughts? Ideas? Similar situations?

Thanks xxxxxxxxxx

View related questions: jealous, period

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A female reader, vickie121 United States +, writes (8 April 2009):

vickie121 agony auntI been through the same thing. You should just talk to him about it. Let him know that it is disrespectful, and if he wants a future with you he should take this relationship more seriously, plus you will eventually be apart of the family right? why exactly is he holding back? does he not want to have a future with . Just let him know that it is him that you care about, and you just want to meet them. after that...just don't discuss that anymore. Have you meet anyone important in his life? don't look at their tittle , just look at how important they are to him.

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A female reader, vickie121 United States +, writes (8 April 2009):

vickie121 agony auntI been through the same thing. You should just talk to him about it. Let him know that it is disrespectful, and if he wants a future with you he should take this relationship more seriously, plus you will eventually be apart of the family right? why exactly is he holding back? does he not want to have a future with .you or something? Run from this guy...he's not ready for a relationship. LIl kids do this...adult dont.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

Maybe his family life is not as perfect as he is saying it is. And maybe that is why he doesn't want you to meet them cause he is embarrassed.

To be honest I have NEVER heard anyone talk about how FANTASTIC they're family is unless they are lying. (Unless it is like a mother talking about her kids).

'OH my sister is the BEST!!!' 'She is just f*cking STELLAR!!!!' Come the f*ck on now! No one thinks that much less says that. It sounds real weird to me and something just doesn't seem right about it.

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom + , writes (21 August 2007):

AskEve agony auntWhy are you jealous??? Jealousy is a very negative emotion and you derive no benefit from it whatsoever! Get rid of the jealousy, he's with YOU! He loves YOU! His family are important to him and he's probably proud of his brother and sister and neice so don't be jealous, be pleased for him. If you can show you're happy for him and even ask him things about his sister and say things like "she sounds lovely", "I bet we'd get on like a house on fire", "I'd ove to meet her one day" - encouraging things, instead of putting them down or going in a sulk when he mentions them then you might be in with a better chance of being introduced to them. I'm sure he'll introduce you when he thinks the time is right.

Eve

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007):

dont worry. my bf was the same. He wouldnt introduce me to his family, but talked about them all the time. Eventually we had a really long chat about it and he said that it was was because he thought i would be put off him by his family. Maybe its a similar situation?

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A male reader, jm81690 Canada +, writes (21 August 2007):

jm81690 agony auntI don't like introducing my gf's to my family, all my uncles are the same way, one of my uncles had a 5+ year relationship before he told any famiyl members.

for a few reasons, 1. might not want you to get weirded out by them, 2. family members can be a pain in the ass when you're dating someone, i don't know about your family, but in mine they hassle you and want to know every detail, no fun stuff.

I'd bet my left hand him not introducing you to his family has nothing to do with you.

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