A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hi aunts please help me!I really like this guy and he says he likes me (we have been flirting for ages). i asked him out and he said "not at the moment" as he wants to get his feet firmly on the ground and a good job first as he says he likes to have money to treat his women! (he thinks that is an important part of a relationship)I couldnt care if he was extreamly poor and had nothing of his own! He means more to me than money but he doesnt realise that. Ive told him how i feel but he argues back that its a MUST for him to have money and treat the person he goes out with.This is going to make me sound selfish but how can i get him to realise im not like all the other girls he knows (that im not after his money and im 1000 times better than they will ever be) and that i like him because of who he is as a person???i honestly do like him and i know it my heart of hearts that its not just a 5 minute fancy!i do have my doubts that it could be the fact im not the super model type and i am slightly overweight but im healthy looking. but the way i see it if no-one can accept me for who i am then its their loss. if this is the reason he doesnt like me then im in a position where i will happily change to what he wants me to be! (thats how bad it is and how much i feel 4 him)PLEEEEAAAAAASSSSEEEE HELP! XXX
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female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 If these are his standards that he governs by and you asked he answered. Why are you hounding him?
Getting your way is not the best way to start a relationship.
You don't like what he has to say. You can feel and believe what you want but this does not change the fact he explicitly told you.
He needs to be self reliant, he needs to feel an equal. Regardless if you see him as he, he doesn't feel like one. Back off and give him room to breath. You have to accept it's truth.
You dont' like it is his self love and perhaps a bit of pride (but men need this for happiness-it's apart of being accepted but HE NEEDS THIS) and it is in the way of getting what you want. This in no way demonstrates you do love and appreciate this guy as you are trying to change him and invalidate him by saying NO- love me and let me love you, I don't care if you need it. I want this.
This is unattractive.
You need to support his decision no matter what you want. Being in love with someone is to sacrifice your wants and needs and choosing when to "win" a battle.
You are losing out for a moment not indefinetly but because you can't see that-you push headlong and stand to lose him indefinitely.
And you aren't happy. You say it's there loss and appear to be a strong woman and self confident but the next sentence undoes it with I'll be anything for him.
That there says this is an issue. Self worth is a factor and yes, those wh want and need some person to accept them and love them because it fixes everything...will be unhappy and try to force something and create more heartache.
Stop.
He said he needs time. Give it to him. If you see it is going nowhere, move on. Be adult.
A
female
reader, Minelisse  + ♥, writes (12 November 2007):
 Love cannot be forced upon anyone. Like it or not, he doesn't want to have a relationship now... with you! If he does or doesn't come around, there is nothing you can do about it. Maybe he doesn't want to date until he has money, that is how he is and you cannot change that! It would be too weird for him to have it any other way as that is his "ideal" of a relationship.I suggest you back up a little. If you smother him then you will not have a romantic relationship nor a friendship. If you think your weight could be a problem for YOU, then do something about it, if not, you shouldn't change because of what you THINK another person wants. When a guy is as interested in you as you are in him YOU WILL notice!Good luck!
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2  + ♥, writes (12 November 2007):
 Pick up the book, Why Men Marry Bitcheshttp://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Marry-Bitches-Winning/dp/074327637X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-3715083-6936000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1194889844&sr=1-1
You are going about this all the wrong way, and frankly you are sounding desperate....a big turn off to any man no matter how modelish you are or are not.
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A
female
reader, faith scott boreanaz +, writes (12 November 2007):
 ok, in answer to your question, im unable to tell if he really does like you and wants to shower you in gifts or you arent his type, so heres what you do you - go straight up to him, look him in the eye and say "I really like you and i dont care about your money so either you take me and make me yours right now or im gonna move on and find someone who loves me so much they dont care if they dont have the money"if this is too risky or "out there" for you then go to one of hes mates, put the water works and say "i dont think X likes me, i dont want his money i just want him!"then X's mate will go to X and say "She really likes you, make her your girlfriend or your gonna loose her" the first option is most likely better than the second, as you'll get a straight forward answer, if he is playing you at least you'll find out and can find a better guy who'll love you with or without the money.all the luck in the world. faith x x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): It sounds like an excuse to me. If it is because of you, why change for him? How do you know you'd even be able to change to what he wants? Just because you lose weight, that doesn't mean that you're his type. Is he trying to make more money? Or is he just saying that he needs to?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): i think this guy probably has a girlfried somewhere. have you tried to ask him if he is involved with anyone else? his excuse (am sorry to say this)seem pathetic,you dont need sacks of money to show a lady love and kindness.
why cant he take you to the park for a romantic walk,you can even take picnics(drive to your favourite place at night and lie under the moonlight) or you can go for a movie, i really dont think thats expensive.
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