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He woke me up, put his penis in my mouth and told me to SUCK!!!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 May 2007) 18 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I love my boyfriend very much, but my friends think he's no good for me.

He always tells me how sexy I am and how he thinks Im amazing in bed. I don't see how this is 'using me' as my friends think.

The only thing that disturbs me, is that when I was staying over with him, I felt his penis thrusting into me. I was still asleep, and when I woke up he didn't stop, he just put his penis in my mouth and told me to suck. It didn't bother me that much. He makes me feel so sexy and he told me he wished that he could f*** me all day.

How should I feel about all of this?

Thank you.

x.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009):

well, i personally would think its kind of weird..and a bit abusive if you ask me...but if you dont mind it, i wouldn't care, but i would dump him.

glad i could help :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008):

Reply to original message:

Like all particular sex acts, he and you should agree on what's ok beforehand, and you should feel comfortable saying no. Under those conditions, it's ok to have sex w/ a sleeping partner.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

you should feel used, etc...

because if u didnt want him 2 have sex with you and you stayed round his house that's called rape.

i hope you understand

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007):

maybe u shouldnt rush straight into another relationship. give it some time?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much everyone!

I've decided to be brave and break up with him. When I look at my friends with their boyfriends, they all look so happy and in love. To be honest, me and my bf don't have much of a life outside the bedroom.

I know there are better guys out there and Im worth more than how he treated me.

My best friend says he brother like me. :) And he's really sweet!

Wish me luck!

Any advice on how to have a relationship with this guy?

You are all angels!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007):

his not good for you, to me it looks like his using you but if you really like him or love him don't have sex for at least 1 month and try to raise the issue with him if he doesn't listen then try and forget about him

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A female reader, AngelofLove United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2007):

AngelofLove agony auntOf course you still love this guy. If you do not listen to your friends, why should you listen to strangers!

If you were perfectly happy with all this, you would not feel the need to post a question here???

I am sure that your boyfriend sticking his penis in your mouth whilst you are still sleepy is not the sexiest someone has ever made you feel. Surely he can improve on that. But you need to tell him what/how perhaps. You should be in as much control as he is. If you really want to know if he likes it back, why not wait til he is almost awake in the morning, then YOU SIT ON HIS FACE and ask him to LICK, check the reaction. Hey, he may like that first thing in the morning.

His actions before were to make HIM feel sexy not you.

Whatever happens, both of you should be happy with what you do. What other people think does not matter.

Good luck

Angel of Love

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007):

Good grief, it gets worse and worse! What in the world is there to "love" about this schmuck who practically rapes you, THEN wants you to get into group sex?!

Don't give him the chance to even ask if you want to do it again! DUMP this s.o.b. NOW!! It is crystal clear that he neither loves nor respects you.

Do yourself a favor and get rid of him. You really should pay attention to what others have said (including your friends) and particularly what Penta, Lost and Sleepyhollow have said.

Your self-esteem will suffer if you allow him to use you, and you run the risk of getting pregnant or catching an STD.

To respect and value YOURSELF is more important than anything - any temporary pleasure - this jerk is offering.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007):

Good grief, it gets worse and worse! What in the world is there to "love" about this schmuck who practically rapes you, THEN wants you to get into group sex?!

Don't give him the chance to even ask if you want to do it again! DUMP this s.o.b. NOW!! It is crystal clear that he neither loves nor respects you.

Do yourself a favor and get rid of him. You really should pay attention to what others have said (including your friends) and particularly what Penta, Lost and Sleepyhollow have said.

Your self-esteem will suffer if you allow him to use you, and you run the risk of getting pregnant or catching an STD.

To respect and value YOURSELF is more important than anything - any temporary pleasure - this jerk is offering.

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A female reader, **** United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2007):

**** agony auntif the group sex thing made you feel that bad then dont do it again if he asks you to tell him how you felt after the last time and if hes as great as you think he is then he'll understand but if hes not then get rid of him hes not worth it you deserve better your still young and could always find someone that will make you feel ten times better than him.

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A male reader, sleepyhollow American Samoa +, writes (7 May 2007):

First off, dump him. Your friends are right.

Just because a guy makes you feel sexy, doesn't mean that he loves you. In point of fact, you probably don't even love him, just the way he makes you feel about yourself.

As for what he did, unless you've previously consented to such behavior, what he did is rape. That kind of sexual play is wrong without negotiations establishing it as okay and acceptable, and maybe even desirable for some people, but apparently not for you. If you stay with him, this treatment is likely going to accelerate and become more and more controlling and invasive.

I'd recommend dumping him and staying single for a long period while you learn how to value yourself and your friends properly. Until you can properly value yourself, you'll always be the submissive partner in any sexual relationship you enter into.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your advice.

But I still love him and want to be with him.

Now he's asked me if I'm interested in group sex with his best mate and lesbian friend. I did it but feel dirty, although I really enjoyed it at the same time.

What if he asks to do it again?

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A female reader, lost1980 Ireland +, writes (7 May 2007):

i think what ur man did was completly wrong and you should definetly dump him or at least explains your concerns, tell him that he was very lucky that you didn't get a fright and bite his penis .

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (7 May 2007):

penta agony auntUnconsciousness does not imply consent. Since it disturbs you, it's a problem. It is very close to rape. Listen to your friends and dump this guy. Take some time to get over him. The guy who will treat you with respect is out there hon'; don't be hung up on this guy when you meet him.

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A male reader, Rikki India +, writes (7 May 2007):

If you are ok...Then no problem....Otherwise it is very bad if he do this....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007):

He started thrusting into you while you were asleep and THEN put his penis into your mouth? And you say it didn't bother you that much but does disturb you?

I think it probably disturbs you a LOT more than you are telling us, you know.

For one thing, you were ASLEEP. This was about him getting his jollies, not whether or not YOU wanted to participate!

For another thing, think of where his penis had been, and then without washing it, he put it in your mouth?!

Foregonepath is right: it does sound as if he's using you, because his compliments (and actions) are all about sex, whether you want it to be, or not.

You should trust your instincts on this one. Sure, you can talk to him and let him know you want to be respected, and want the relationship to be based on more than just sex - and by the way, if there's nothing else to it, then things won't last - but ultimately, you have to decide whether this whole thing with him is something you want or not. And if you decide its not, then dump him. Believe me, you can do much better than this one!

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A male reader, forgonepath United States +, writes (7 May 2007):

Does he ever tell you how amazing of a person you are and how great your personality is? Sometimes when it comes to our own situation, we zoom in so much that we don't see the big picture. That's where our friends come in. As outsiders, they sometimes have a better perspective of what is really going on. It seems like while you are in love with him, he is in fact using you for your body since his compliments and his actions all have to do with sex. Try to find out if he is also emotionally attached to you or is it all about the physical bit for him.

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A female reader, kat14 United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2007):

kat14 agony auntDoing things to you while your asleep i find a bit perverted but if ur ok with it. i guess theres no problem there. One thing i've learnt is never listen to your friends, i know they are looking out for you but you have to make ur own decisions in life. Do what you think it right, no-one can understand your relationship as much as you can. I think hes just a typical horny guy my boyfriend has said these kinds of things to me. I got abit paranoid that was all he was after so we spoke about it.

feel how ever u wanna feel about this, no one can tell you how you should be feeling.

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