A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Have been getting serious with a man for some time now and heIs talking about future things . I recently was at his house and his computer is full of porn . I knew he watched porn but all the women were around 20 at oldest 25 . It honestly made me sick to the stomach considering both of us have daughters around that age . I know lots of people will say all men do this but if that's true then I' think the better option is staying single . I was incredibly turned off sexually and don't think I could be aroused with a man who masterbates to women his daughters age I didn't say anything but made an e cause to go home . I knew there would likely be some women who were younger and I guess I expected a range of ages and looks . Not all the same Is it worth saying anything and seeing if he is interested in the looks of women my age . I know sown people will say he must be because we are dating but the truth is he couldn't get a woman in her twenties even if that is what he wants so he HAS to take woman my age .I would rather be alone than feel like some runner up booby prize
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2017): Op here , no I have never cheated on him or any other man . Nor do I wish to control him. I simply don't wish to be with a man who is comfortable masterbating to women young enough to be his daughter You say you have not and would never cheat but I'm assuming you are one of these men who think it's perfectly OK to masterbate to women half yours or your wife's age well into your 50s and beyond. If so in sorry but I can't respect that as 'not cheating ' I consider that deeply mysogynisticI would like to ask one question though that's always baffled me with me who masterbate to these young women How in fact do you KNOw without doubt that these girls are all of legal age and not coerced . I mean they might claim to be over 18 but are you quite comfortable knowing that many may not be and you may be actually using underage girls ? Or do you simply not care . In other words does your need for an orgasm trump women and girls rights / humanity and dignity
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2017): Male anon responding to OP here:
On behalf of all men in the UK (and other countries) that have never and will never cheat on their partner, I think you should finish the relationship. You clearly do not trust him and clearly want to control him. Your opinion is typically misandrist.
Your attitude is also one that can be associated with someone who has cheated on their partner, past or present, and is therefore unable to believe others to be trustworthy.
I wish your partner the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2017):
That is almost like saying every man would cheat on their wife if they knew they would not get caught. That's a pretty sexist attitude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Male anon , as I pointed out , he's not going to be able to get a women twenty years younger with a porn star body unless hell
Freezes over . I believe one thousand percent that EVERY man
Who watches those women would have sex with them over their wives in a heartbeat if they had the chance and were Garanteed not to get caught
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Porn is geared around younger girls. And the older women in porn are usually of proportions that are beyond reality. It's all fake.
If you're not comfortable with him watching that kind of porn, that's your choice, but you won't be able to stop him. It's his choice, afterall.
But, what you really shouldn't do is compare yourself to those girls. Porn is sheer fantasy. Real sex and porn are not the same. If all he wanted was girls like that, then he would be chasing girls like that. He wants to have sex with you because he wants to have sex with you. I'm a man in his 40s that uses porn so you can trust me, real sex with my wife is always preferable to porn and the porn is never in mind while I'm doing naughty things to her!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): I'm going to put this in a different way. Please don't think I am saying you have no right to be bothered by his porn habits. You have the right to be bothered by whatever bothers you. But try to see this without so much relationship context:
Do you ever watch rom-com movies or read naughty romance novels, etc? Do you make a point of sticking to movies & books featuring men that your husband can "live up to?"
Do you think "I don't need to watch THAT show, my husband doesn't make nearly as much money as the love interest guy in it and I should be happy with a man closer to my level. It might make my husband feel inadequate if he knew I was so taken with that kind of guy in the show"?
If it's not money then maybe it's a foreign accent or looks or dancing skills or anything else.
Porn is fantasy. It's not as refined and socially acceptable as women's escapism usually is. But the same motivations are what sells it.
People don't focus on the larger statements or implications of things when they indulge in escapism alone in the privacy of their home. Porn is a guilty pleasure. You are expecting him not to risk any "guilt" with his choice of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): I'd be turned off also if my boyfriend were watching only porn featuring much younger women. It's not hard to find porn with good looking people that are milfs. It wouldn't take much effort for him to show some restraint and find that kind of porn. There are Women of all ages who attractive, not just the young ones.
Most Women want to feel that their partners are attracted and sexually aroused by them. That's part of what makes a woman want to please man. I think it's time to have an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend. Tell him how it makes you feel. Once you've had that conversation you can decide whether or not he's worth your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2017): I agree with you op. It is disconcerting if he is only watching porn that features much younger women. It is easy to find porn that features older women. Just type in milf or even gilf and there is a surprisingly large amount of content. There are good looking women of all ages in porn that he could enjoy watching. It shouldn't be that hard to practice some restraint and it reflects poorly on his character that he doesn't do so.
I would have an honest and open discussion about this with him. Give him a chance to respond to your concerns.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2017): Also how do I know that he doesn't make that association chigirl? It seems highly unlikely that any man of 50 plus is likely to admit he associates the twenty year olds in his porn to his daughters or mine even if it is true . How does a man go from watching girls doing those things and masterbating to it then walk into a room and look at daughters and friends without such thoughts It would seem that talking to a man and expecting honesty about such thoughts is somewhat naive . Surely the proof is in the pudding and forThe record when I fantasise it is about men close to my own age . When I was younger it was younger men and as I've gotten older the menI want to imagine have too . I can't even imagine getting turned on over someone my sons age
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2017): Op here For the record I wasn't snooping at all . I was actually sitting right next to him when he suggested putting on something 'spicy ' in his words . It was then that a stack of files came up and he flicked through stuff looking for something to play
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (23 April 2017):
 Chigirl has said exactly what I was thinking while reading your post.
Yes, there IS porn out there with older women, but it needs to be looked for. There is porn available with ALL SORTS of women (very old, amputees, trans-genders, etc) but the norm is pretty young women. Also, if you were a porn watcher, would you search for porn with men in their late 50s, or would you be happy watching young men?
Porn is fantasy. It is not REAL. It is just a tool (no pun intended) for masturbation.
Now, if you had found stuff about children (as in under 16 yrs of age) or animals, then I could totally understand you being horrified, but just because he enjoys watching good looking young women is not (in my book) reason for concern.
From HIS point of view, I would find your snooping a bit disconcerting though.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 April 2017):
 Porn isn't made with older women, typically. You'd have to search a while and the pickings are slim. So for a porn user, it's quite normal to be watching people, or especially girls, of that age.
So in this case, it really isn't about him watching porn with those girls specifically. It's about him watching porn in general. I wonder though, are you a snooper? Because insecure people who compare themselves with others, like you do in your post here, tend to snoop. It's a bad habit, it's also an invasion of privacy. So stop that immediately. Get to know someone through talking to them, not through snooping in places where you have no business being.
If I was you, I would tell him:
Darling, I like you, but I have an issue with your porn use. I get insecure and compare myself to women in porn, also I can't help but think that the girls in porn are the same age as our daughters, so I get sexually turned off by you watching it. I know you don't make that association, but I do. Would you mind not watching porn, or only watch porn with women who are my age?
Lets try the honest and upfront approach here. That's the adult thing to do. Lets hear what he responds, before we just run away assuming things and indirectly accusing him of incestuous thoughts.
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