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He watches porn but wont have sex with me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Faded love, Pornography, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 October 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi me and my partner had a argument last week about him watching porn and not having sex with me we’ve been together for 4 years I’m always catching him watching porn but he makes no effort at all to have sex with me he says he doesn’t have a sex drive and never has we are both 31 he has always been a cold person never any affection or love from him but since last week we had that argument he hasn’t given me a kiss at all before going to work or before I go to work or before bed he also hasn’t mentioned anything about our argument either I’ve never been able to talk to him as he just walks out any advice on what to do thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2018):

Leave him! Withholding sex is emotional abuse. You will get over this selfish person and find someone that truly loves you. As long as you stay, you’ll never find true love.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (8 October 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt Dump him, what else ?

It may sound too drastic to you, but come on ,OP, let's face it , he does not give you much to work with and build up from, dies her ?

No sex, no love, no affection, no communication (when there's a problems he walks out ). Don't tell me that this is a fulfilling relationship in your eyes, and if it's 4 years he is more or less always like this, well, he is not likely to change in future.

I guess you feel that if he still there with you after 4 years,...deep diwn he must love you even if he does not show it.

Not necessarily, OP . Lots of people (...including you ? ) stay out of habit, convenience, or fear. Lots of people resist change, and do not embrace it at all even when they know they should. Change is daunting, is uncomfortable, takes up your energy, requires you to make plans and decisions… it can be downright scary. Not to mention practical considerations (like, it's cheaper to share a place than to live on your own ).

He sounds like someone who has already emotionally shipped out of the relationship, and stays because - it's just less complicated. So, do him , but most of all do yourself, a favour and get him unstuck from a situation that does not seem to give much joy to either one.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 October 2018):

Honeypie agony auntSounds like he is over the relationship and is trying to freeze you out so you will leave.

You say:"he has always been a cold person never any affection or love from him" So WHY on EARTH have you stuck it out for 4 years? That sounds lonely and horrible!

And you also say:" I’ve never been able to talk to him as he just walks out".

You do know that you can't change how he acts or feels, right?

Is this REALLY the man you see yourself with longer term?

You are unloved, undesired and excluded from affection and EFFECTIVE communication. Basically, you might as well be his room mate.

Come on OP, you know this relationship is toxic and dead.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2018):

Why on earth are you with him if he is like this? Dump him while you're still young as he is not going to change

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