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He was too drunk to get it up, and now he seems to be avoiding all opportunities...

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 April 2005) 11 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2010)
A , anonymous writes:


I'm 17 and I've been with my b/f for over 2 months. We've not had sex. One night he couldn't get it up because he was too drunk and since then it seems like he is avoiding having sex with me.

We've had the opportunities and I try to initiate things. What do I do? I'm not supposed to know that he couldn't get it up. I found out through one of his friends.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010):

this happened to me on new years. was the most embarassing shit of my life. i felt real stupid, it just kept slipping out. i was determined to not leave the room without getting something so i just chilled untill i sobred up a little bit. then it decided to work and it was all good. im pretty sure its normal

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

Wow, Im amazed by the amount of peolpe this shit has happened to. Had the unfortunate situation last night, was drunk and..well I dont have to explain.

Reading all these replies though have put my mind at ease, but i keep thinking was I thank drunk? or do you not have to be completely drunk for this to happen?

Thanks for the great comments.

And for your question, I wouldnt tell him you know, for two reasons. One, it will embarress him even further, two his friend told you, and guys dont like guys telling people that kind of stuff. Just take over next time your doing something, he'll forget all his troubles. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

Just get him alone somewhere and play with him to get him hard, then try to initiate it. Chances are he had too much to drink, and had 'brewers droop', not a big deal. If it happens again, you could always try a blowjob, or ask him to stimulate you, as even this sort of contact should help him 'get it up'.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

this happened to me too. ive been doing some research and it seems to be the same for most men, if you drink too much you cant get hard. its a big problem, eesh, next time ill have a couple but wont overdo just glad im not the only one this has happened to.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007):

Guys, quit worrying don't go buying viagra, its a well known and common problem. Many men will sometimes (or more than sometimes) have a problem getting it up when they've been drinking. The best thing to do is probably just to admit to her that you've had too much to drink and thats why. You're no less of a man, you're not a long term failure, it shouldn't be as embarassing as you make it out to be. Its happened to me once or twice, sometimes I can barely get a semi when I am at my most turned on if I've been drinking. But thats perfectly common.

It does seem cruel, however, of nature to inflict this when so many of us depend on the loss of inhibitions gained by alcohol to get into a situation where we might need it up.

As for the girl who asked the original question, he's probably just embarassed that it might happen again. Keep trying to persuade him (if thats what you want) and probably best not to mention it. If you don't make it obvious that youy were bothered then he's less likely to worry about it. If you have to mention it to him, tell him that you know he was just drunk and that it doesn't matter.

Good luck, and hope y'all can get 'em hard in the future

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007):

wow im glad im not the only one.

last night i was pretty drunk and i was making out with this girl i have been liking for a while now. we ended up going into my friends room and youd think that after all that kissing id be hard as rock but i was not. i thought i could work it up, and she even tried to help with giving me somewhat of a handjob, i got close but she stopped before i could get fully hard. i couldnt get inside of her and i was feeling like a total douche, i was insanely embarrased and i really hope i didnt blow it. i have checked and i can still get one, im really just thinking i was too drunk to get an erection. im not 100% sure how it all went. that was as close as i can get.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2005):

This happened to me last night. And it was with a girl I'd never had sex with before. I managed to avoid the humiliation of her realising though, but only through another unfortunate circumstance.

It was a party, at my flat, and I was drunk. Myself and a pretty young lass went to my room, the problem was that more than 10 times, perverted bastards with no sense of decency opened the door and tried to get an eyeful. Even putting a chair against the door didnt work. Eventually, I heard the door open again, and into the room came a friend of a flatmate, an acquaintance with whom I thought I had a friendly relationship entailing at least some level of mutual respect, with a camera phone. And right by her was my flatmate, and formerly friend.

With all that happening, I at least, had difficulty maintaining the mood. I tried though, but then the unthinkable occurred for a fit and healthy 24 year old such as myself who usually has no trouble lasting hours. I couldnt get it up.

I used the fact that these bastards had kept interrupting us, and my anger at the betrayal by my flatmate, the breach of privacy and trust, as an excuse to apologise and leave to go and deal to them. And that's another story.

Now my fear is that this could occur again. I've never had any sort of problem in this department before, in fact usually the problem has been the reverse - the incredible ease with which I usually gain an erection and the difficulty hiding it, and the incredibly long time an unwanted erection can stick around. This just blows my mind and I'm frightened.

I'm considering giving up drinking. I'm considering buying Viagra or something and taking it before any potential opportunity to get laid arises. I dont know. I'm doing research. It's terrifying to be honest.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2005):

well it happened to me too..... and i felt like a twat .. coz i like the girl (my gf) and thats the truth and she wanted to have sex..... so it was to please her. coz i told her to tell me when she was ready. she was and i couldnt get it up. well im happy that it has happened to someone else lol coz i thought it was just me. what i say is get her when you are sober. thats what ive told her because im nt making a fool of myself again.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2005):

No advice from me...just happened to me last night. Man I feel like a complete idiot I guess for lack of a better word. I'm "ok" if it only happened the one time, but I keep freaking out; what if this happens again? Yes I was drunk and next time I sure the hell won't have that much but I don't know. Tell me why is my life like some f**ked up movie and people are laughing at me....Life sucks

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (28 April 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntHe's probably beyond embarrassed about it; he's probably mortified. After all, he's 17 and meant to be at the height of his sexual prowess... and he gets brewer's droop.

I wouldn't dwell on it. In fact, I recommend that you don't mention it at all, because you can be sure that it was a temporary problem and discussing it will only make him feel worse.

However, do what you can to encourage him not to get so drunk in future. I personally find that it's revolting having sex with a drunk who barely even knows what he's doing anyway, but what you might actually *say* is that you want him to be sober so he can concentrate on all the things you two are going to do with each other... later. Say it with a sly smile.

Having said that, one possible solution is not to worry too much about normal sex while he's recovering from his embarrassment, and for you to start him out with a blowjob. Because you can "work him up" with your lips and tongue from whatever stage he's at, there should be no problem with his getting an erection from oral sex. Then you can decide what you want to do next.

It won't take too many "successes" to make him forget his "failure", but never forget that men take these things much harder than women, so it's better for everyone not to let on like you know.

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A reader, Lara +, writes (27 April 2005):

This is a difficult situation to discuss. I think you need to talk to your boyfriend, ask him how he is feeling, and let him know that your don't want to pressure him into anything that he does not feel comfortable with. Ask him if anything is worrying him and let him know that you are there to listen to him if he has any worries. This will hopefully let him know that he can trust you, and if he feels comfortable he will tell you about it.

This kind of issue can be very embafrassing for a guy, especially if it happens with someone he has never had sex with before. Don't take it personally.

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