A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Two months ago I met this guy at the birthday party.He seems nice and we exchaged phone numbers!We met three times, and afterward I tried to avoid him (i thought he was difficult and feel like all he wants is just have sex!)And here's a deal!He texted me " would you beg to have sex with me and my friend?"So I said "no, and you are gross!"And then he said "haha I was just joking ,my friend and I were betting on what you would say"OMG what kind of person he is?I know, not good, I wanted revenge on him....So I took a photo of text and spread it out on facebook sending this to his friends...And then he discovered then said, 'you are an evil .., what you did was very spiteful'..blahblahBut he did wrong at first, didn't he?Need your opinions on what I did, thanks!
View related questions:
facebook, revenge, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (31 July 2012):
 Here's one last point I think we've all over looked (unless another aunt or uncle mentioned it and I just didn't notice). What's done is done but if a similar situation arises again or for anyone else reading this who might benefit...I don't know how many people you have on Facebook, but undoubtedly those on your list will have family members on theirs. Parents, younger siblings, young cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents etc...So that lewd message you posted for all to see was also seen by those outside the offender's social circle. Those who saw it aren't taking the time to investigate the issue and cheering you on for 'standing up for yourself'. They're thinking you're just another crude person on the net and wondering what their relative is doing associating with someone like that. Ok, I'm done with this issue.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 July 2012):
 just put it down to the fact that clearly he is un-couth , base, rude and immature guy.
You are not used to such types of men.
And you reacted with shock and disbelief that he was unlike the people you are used to.
You were taken aback by his gutter behaviour.
Put it behind you. You will know next time you come across such a rude guy to move on at double quick time.
he may always be uncouth, rude and illmannered. His words reflected his immaturity.Pity any poor girls who think he might change.
Be thank full that you will not be one of those girls.
It is your time to move on.
And put this under the heading 'types of guys to avoid in the future',
Think of this as a learning lesson that will help you learn what not to endure in future.
The guys behaves stupidly bevause
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (30 July 2012):
Why does anyone do what they do? There will never be an answer good enough so don't waste time trying to figure it out.
He did it. He's boring and predictable. Now he's history.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I am not in contact with him anymore.
I deleted his phone number and blocked him on fb.
I was just curious why did he send this kind of msg to me.
I think it wounded my pride very much.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (30 July 2012):
I couldn't have said it better myself, YouWish.
I don't see this as bullying either and that word will, in time, follow words like 'harassment' and 'abuse'. They've been so overused they've lost their sting.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (30 July 2012):
 You Wish-
Your opinion may be that this is not a case of sexual bullying, but the very textbook definition of "sexual bullying" would disagree.
http://kidshealth.org/teen/stress_coping_center/stress_situations/harassment.html
This site quotes: "ust like other kinds of bullying, sexual bullying involves comments, gestures, actions, or attention that is intended to hurt, offend, or intimidate another person." and "Sexual bullying or harassment may be verbal (like making rude comments to or about someone), but it doesn't have to be spoken. Bullies may use technology to harass someone sexually (like sending inappropriate text messages or videos)." and "Sexual harassment and sexual bullying are very similar — they both involve unwelcome or unwanted sexual comments, attention, or physical contact. "
This is a classic, textbook case of sexual bullying. He texted her with sexually inappropriate and aggressive speech.
The reason why the OP is still in contact with the Bully is a textbook case of "Negging", it's a highly effective psycological tactic that bullies use to undermine a woman's self-confidence so that they feel vulnerable and seek their approval.
http://www.examiner.com/article/negging-101-how-it-works-and-why-it-fails
This site quotes: "Negging: a tool used to undermine a woman’s confidence and disable her guard by making a negative remark wrapped in a humorous delivery. Since negative remarks are cruel and typically unwelcomed by most women, the logic behind the theory’s success is that the use of humor confuses a woman into believing the comment is playful, while the feelings of insecurity populated by her exposed flaw arouses her attention and interest towards the remark maker, because of two things:
One: The woman is interested in the man because he does not seem to be completely interested in her, thus presenting challenge.
Two: The woman is interested in the man because she is not often critiqued by men and wants to conquer his attention/desire of her."
In short, the reason the OP was still in contact with the Bully after the situation is because he has psychologically tricked her into seeking his approval by showing her that he doesn't "really" like her that much.
If there was no social penalty, the Bully wouldn't have said anything to her about taking it down. I respect your opinions very much, You Wish, but I just have to completely disagree with your entire post. This is a textbook case of sexual Bullying used as "Negging", and the resulting fallout of her trying to take control of the situation and standing up to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Shrodingerscat, I respect your opinion. This is a great discussion, and it's great that all of us are mature enough to learn even from our differing opinions.
Maybe this is just me, but I don't see this case as a "bullying" case, and I cringe at the thought of the word "bullying" being overused and its impact diluted because that's the hot topic of these past couple of years, just as sexual harassment was the hot topic of the 90's to the point where human resources would threaten a man's job for simply telling a woman that she was beautiful (that actually happened at a place I worked at in 1995!).
I respect your view of this being a bully case, but I don't think so. This is a case of bad manners and unwanted verbal sexual fondling with the use of text. This guy saying that she was "spiteful" isn't showing any sort of conscience. Only an apology from him would convince me otherwise.
And I want to make the record painfuly, meticulously, tediously clear. I did and do not imply that the OP has no class. The OP is the victim. However, and I think you missed this, she STILL is in contact with him. In what universe does the victim keep communication with the guy? That undermines the firm resolve that his behavior is reprehensible and opens her to ridicule, not remorse.
Telling him off, then cutting him off is not running away from the bully. Again, this is not a bully case. Not every kind of conflict means that one is bullying the other, just as in the 90's, not every kind of contact from male to female is sexual harassment and legally actionable. You can't deal with this by the virtual "standing up to the bully on the playground" on Facebook, because the dynamic doesn't fit, and the social penalty aspect isn't there.
Listen to Ciar, OP. Boy that is a fantastic example of the Middle Eastern guy. Absolutely 1000% dead on. I have also dealt with trolling on the internet, lewd come-ons both to myself and friends online, and her response is absolutely what works. Using Facebook for "revenge" doesn't work and yields the opposite results. I think you, OP, feel guilty about what you did. I am not implying that you have no class. Far from it. But icy calm and cutting someone off after calling them out of their behavior is the better plan. The guy shouldn't qualify to invoke feelings of "revenge" in you. He is an insignificant gnat, who isn't worth the letters he took to spew his lewd crap to you. He isn't worth the rise of your blood pressure. Like Ciar said -- in her case, the guy who was nasty to her didn't get what he wanted, because she deemed him unworthy of anything but an icy emotional static. She ripped him apart and put him back together, and *he* got the message.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (30 July 2012):
You Wish, you say that they didn't care about being put on facebook, that they got what they wanted, and didn't have a concious. You must have forgotten where the OP wrote:"And then he discovered then said, 'you are an evil ..,what you did was very spiteful'..blahblah"Obviously he did have a conscience, he did NOT want to be on facebook. The OP did the absolute right thing, these guys wanted to secretly -SEXUALLY bully- this girl and get away with it because no one saw it. The fact that he reacted so negatively when it was exposed to the public proves it.Acting like a "woman of class" never got anyone being bullied in school anywhere? Acting like "women of class" didn't get anyone results, it merely lets the bully get away with their actions and continue them, because they are shown that their behavior is acceptable. Not "leaving" a bad situation means the bad situation stays bad. That's why women had to stand up for their rights against sexual harassment, instead of "leaving" it for "class"'s sake.To the OP: You did not "blindly lash out", you merely took their message that they sent you on your phone and posted it online for other women to see, so that they'd know that he was not worthy of hooking up with. That's not you being a slave to them, that's you alerting other women of their sliminess. You learn a valuable lesson, that when you stand up for yourself, you get results. AND! The boys also learn a lesson, that when they act like sexist, misogynistic assholes, they get punished for it. You didn't get all -crazy- like some people are implying, and freak out and cause a big scene, you did two very simple things, you told them off and put their message on facebook to warn other women. That, to me, is admirable, because were I in your peer group, I personally would want to know if those guys were misogynists, so that I'd know not to date/hook up with them.OP, don't let other people implying that you're without class or a crazy drama queen stop you from standing up to sexist, misogynistic sexual bullies. Those kind of men will continue to do it to any women they can until they're taught that it has consequences. -You Did The Right Thing-.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (29 July 2012):
I agree with YouWish in HOW to respond to bad behaviour.
As Code Warrior told a woman in a different post, this guy poked you with a stick and got exactly the reaction he expected. It's like hurling a pebble at someone's arse with a sling shot and laughing as they jump, rub their behind and look around to see who did it. He EXPECTED you to take offense and get angry and now he knows he can play you like a fiddle. He knows what buttons to push. He knows your sensitive spots.
Let me give you an example. Years ago I was in a chat room where I received a private message from some random man that contained an insulting remark I can't recall what it was. The online version of a prank call. I was matter of fact. Not insulting, not angry, just deadpan. After a few more attempts to rile me he settled down and we had a somewhat interesting, semi-intellectual conversation during which he 'had to admit [he] did not get the reaction he was expecting', didn't quite know what to make of me and had, in fact, thoroughly enjoyed the discussion. He then apologized for having been so rude at the beginning. Before parting he wished me well, as I did him and that was that.
I could have completely ignored him altogether but, truth be told, I decided to have a bit of fun messing about with him as he had tried with me. Unlike him though, I was not insulting or abusive. I did not pick on an innocent person. I waited for the right idiot to come to me. And he did.
That sort of thing happened a number of times. Once a middle eastern Muslim man sent me a nasty message and I used the same technique. Like the other man, this one also ended up apologizing and even politely asked to be excused from the conversation when he had to leave. Imagine that. This guy had started out calling me a whore and there he was asking my permission to leave the conversation and wishing me well!
Some might see my approach as weak, but it yielded far better results than yours did. I actually got a compliment and an apology out of it. What did you get?
By all means, stand up for yourself, but before you do, THINK about a strategy. What was the transgression? What kind of person are you dealing with? What kind of reaction might he be expecting? What approach might work best? What are you hoping to get out of it?
If you blindly lash out at everyone who is rude to you then you do yourself a disservice. You make yourself everyone's slave, you'll be easy to read and easy to toy with and you'll get no apology. No valuable lesson has been learned.
It's entirely up to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): Because people often go to a club to pull at the end of a night out and he did, I'd say he thought you were easy, yes.
He can't really judge you though because he was in the same night club for the same reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 July 2012):
yes he was a jerk and a loser.
And his behaviour appalling.
But from this you have learned some very valuable good lessons for the future.
So in the end you have benefitted in a way he could never have imagine.
So from all this you have emerged the winner, and wiser too.
But he will remain a jerk and a loser.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhis friends told me he always has been dumbass. they criticize about what he did to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 July 2012):
Trust me, my desire to see some lewd jackass get called on his actions is as vehement and as fervent as Cerberus's and those who agree with his point of view, and because of that, I respect that point of view. My difference of opinion is in the application of that "calling on" process.
Your situation cannot be compared to workplace sexual harassment. Your job isn't threatened by your decision to take or not take this guy's lewdness. Your reputation isn't called into question because you don't give this guy sexual favors. If you're promoted in your line of work, men don't spread vicious rumors about who you had to "bang" to get to the top. *That* is why women in the workforce had to stand up...they couldn't leave the situation.
This is different. You met some jerk at a party. You *can* stop him cold. His comments can be compared to a virtual "grabbing" of your breast, but your response to it was to post on facebook "Hey! Look at what this guy did to me!". Trust me, the reaction to it wouldn't be the "calling out" or the "right hook". You're rewarding him by doing that. He did it to get attention, and you gave it to him. To say that this guy would be humiliated by your public outting of him is to say that he has a conscience.
To make things clear, I didn't suggest that cutting him off with a "Never contact me again, you ignorant, disgusting insect" is the *safe* thing to do. In truth, it's not. What it does do is give the "right hook" without then rewarding him in front of his nasty friends. Immaturity attracts like, and if this guy is the way he is, he attracts similar dregs of society to egg him on in suggesting lewd threesomes. In short, your public posting on Facebook isn't the comeuppance that Cerberus believes it would be.
Now, should you tell *your* friends about this disgusting prick? Of course. That is how true reputations are won. But on Facebook where random people including his friends can slap him on the back, drool, and snicker? No.
We must be women of class. Of course we inform any friend we care about that such-and-such a guy is a disgusting dirty dung heap of a guy. But before we do this, we don't KEEP UP the conversation with said dung heap. Where is the comeuppance in that?? Who cares if *he* thinks that you were spiteful? The fact that you give him audience rewards him.
He treated you like a whore, but he was also trolling for your reaction, much like those pre-pubescent ignoramuses who comment on Youtube videos. He wanted your reaction. He ate it like food.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): Girl, you did the right thing!! hahaha, he only said that becuause he was angry at you.
The best come back I have read in a long while. Now people know not to mess with you or talk to you like a whore.
You did the right thing, don't even think twice about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): Yes it sounds like he doesn't think you have very high standards. I guess girls in night clubs generally get looked at as easy.
But really, he was in the same club looking for the same thing as you, so he doesn't really have a leg to stand on when it comes to judging you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thanks for your interest.
Actually I don't have high expectation from a guy who met at the club.
I thought he treated me like a whore because of where we met but from your point of view I found it doesn't matter right? i_i so that means he just thought I am a pushover? sad .
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): OP I may disagree the previous posters on the approach but the principle is the same really. Their way may work better for you in your situation so I wouldn't discount their opinions. Theirs is a soft, tactful approach.
My way works for me, I have a strict no-shit policy and am very intolerant of fools. I never ignore a problem or a person who gives me shit, I always face it/them directly and when someone crosses a line with me I come down hard on them to ensure they know not to do it again and I will do it publicly without hesitation if needs be to ensure others know the same thing.
I'm a firm believer in direct action and a disproportionate but calculated response to being messed with, I have a reputation where I live for being that way too. Grab my girlfriends boob? Have fun getting your nose reset. Threaten or blackmail her? Enjoy seeing your entire online life being hijacked and at my complete control.
Now I will say, Youwish, Ciar etc. what they advise is definitely the safest way, it's the best way to prevent further conflict for you personally but then you trade that off by letting the away with it scott free and thinking there are no consequences to that kind of thing. You have to also be prepared for the fact that you may have to do battle with these dicks or their friends and all that entails.
What I'm basically saying is they're not wrong but you're not either, it's a matter of what works for you personally and your personality.
Not doing something about it would do far more harm to my peace of mind than any infraction to be honest but I'm more than happy, willing and very adept at escalating any conflict. I don't like drama, nor do I create it but I do love solving it.
But I'm a grown man in my 30's, I don't care what people think of me, online abuse or anything like that is not something I will ever suffer as I have the know how to deal with people like that, I have a solid group of friends that understand me and are loyal to me regardless of what happens so I won't lose anyone, I've gone through my entire life fighting my corner and standing up to people. Not only that but I like the idea of my response being enough to make that person think again before they attempt crap with anyone else.
OP in your specific situation I still agree with what you did as long as you're prepared for any fallout and the consequences of you doing it aren't going to create a situation for you that you can't handle. If that's the case then Ciar's etc. advice would be the better option.
But do make sure you learn some lessons here too, there is no such thing as privacy anymore, any text/picture/email you send, anything like that is no longer your property and can be posted online for everyone to see. Always exercise intelligence when it comes to electronics as you can see what happens. What those guys did was shitty and it was stupid and they have no one to blame but themselves for you posting it online. You did a good thing OP because maybe now they'll understand that you're not a girl who will be messed with, that they shouldn't send things like that to girls because not all women are soft pushovers. By bloodying their nose you may well have saved a softer, more timid girl a lot of hassle and who cares what they or their friends think of you they can laugh all they want but something tells me by their reaction they're not laughing.
...............................
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (29 July 2012):
 I have to agree with Cerberus and shordingerscat on this one. You stood up for yourself, and you had every right to. The text was extremely inappropriate for a guy to send to someone he'd just met. I don't see how it could possibly be a joke either. Would you beg to have sex with me and my friend? I don't get how it was meant to be a joke. I think it was sent to test the water. He was hoping you were the kind of girl who'd go along with it. But you weren't, you stood up for yourself. Good on you. So what if him and his immature friends laugh at you. That doesn't make them better than you. Men who behave in this disrespectful way to women are low. They deserve what they get. Bet he will get some stick from the women in his life about this. Imagine if his mum is on his facebook, lol!
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (29 July 2012):
I personally think you did the right thing.
Bullies don't learn their lesson until someone with bigger balls puts them in their place. The text was sexually bullying, and it's a damn shame that the rape culture we live in today is doing nothing but victim-blaming. YOU'RE at fault for publicly outing his dispicible behavior. That's as bad as telling an abuse victim to just "walk away".
Let me tell you a secret, sweetheart...Dignity and class have -nothing- to do with this situation. People who bully and act horribly to others keep doing it until they learn their lesson. The victims are responsible for defending themselves, no matter what it takes. Walking away from bullying, ESPECIALLY sexual bullying, will -never- teach the abusers that they're wrong. Only standing up for yourself by telling them off and exposing their disgusting nature will make them stop and think about their behavior.
When a toddler reaches for a bottle of bleach, we don't "walk away" because the toddler will "learn his lesson" by doing nothing. Boys like this are like kids, they need to be punished to learn not to mess with dangerous things. Be that dangerous thing, sweetie, stand up for yourself and show these assholes what's coming to them!
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Yep, YouWish hit the nail on the head. You like this type of negative attention, not only from men, but also from women. How do we know? You keep arguing and seeking out attention here.
As for the ones I've met (and Cerberus you may be the exception)...I've had to threaten two men I worked with with sexual harrassment because I told both of them I was not interested and they apparently thought I was playing hard to get, and continued with the behavior. However, this is much different than "sexual harrassment" as I did not hand out my text number to some guy I barely knew and then expect him to be a gentleman when he texted. In fact, I don't have texting now because I think it is nothing but trouble.
The workplace is a lot different than meeting a guy you barely know at a "club", flirting around, giving out your number, and then expecting a "Hello Miss, and how do you do today?" Sorry, but most of the "boys" you might meet at a PAR-TAY just don't hang like that.
And, I also agree with Ciar that you escalated the situation. If this was a WORKPLACE situation, you would not have handled it by putting this out on FACEBOOK either. You would have told the guy politely that if he ever texted you again that you would be communicating with your boss. Now this crap is out there with your number and his number attached to it on Facebook. Sure hope any possible employers don't see it.
And yes, they did get a good laugh at your expense.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (28 July 2012):
Well said, YouWish.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 July 2012):
Calling him out on it means telling him to shut up and leave you alone. It doesn't mean posting a message on Facebook. One is a proportional response, the second is exhibitionism.
Think about it. What lesson is a guy going to learn when his buddies congratulate him and slap him on the back after yet another "psycho" girl loses it in public? I've seen that sort of thing play before, where the woman gets pissed at a guy's lewdness, yells about it online, and then the weirdest thing happens. The guy who behaved that way gets lauded by his guy friends, and yet again, women appear emotionally unbalanced.
No. The correct response that would teach him a lesson is that before he started talking about threesomes, you stop the conversation, coldly tell him to zip it back up, and then cut him off, rejecting him coldly and giving him nothing but icy static. *THAT* is the lesson he needed. Sure, he might try it out on the next girl, but your coldness will sting him far more than the laughter he partakes in as his friends make fun of your reaction.
I know you're still in communication with him, or you wouldn't have known that he called your actions "spiteful". What sort of lesson is that?? Instead of gaining his respect by stopping him cold and cutting him off, you're losing his because he can keep being lewd, sucking up your negative reaction as his reward. Trust me, with the number of internet trolls out there, he loves knowing that he riled you into doing that, especially if you're still in communication and have not yet blocked him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 July 2012):
Two wrongs do not make it right.
Next time please take the High ground.
Do not sink to his level
And do not react in the way you did.
He behaved appalling you.
It would have been better to ignore his stupidity and move on.
he is not worthy of your time and was not the right man for you.
Be thankful that he revealed so quickly what a fool he was. Once you saw how inane he was that was your cue to move on.
You really can do better than him.
Never waste another second on a fool like him. You have far better things to do with your life than to mix with losers like him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (28 July 2012):
Since you asked...
My opinion is that both of you were very crass and immature. He should not have sent that text, nor had a friend involved in the sending of it.
And you should have completely ignored it then deleted his number and blocked him entirely. That would have been the end of it.
Instead you escalated the situation and involved a lot of other people. You created a big scene for nothing.
Before you dig yourself in deeper, delete whatever it was you posted, delete him, block him and do not post anymore silly messages or respond to anything he does or says again.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Hi
What you should have done was ignored his text. But you didn't you put it on FB. Now your as bad as him
Put it and him behind you now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Well exactly he wasn't right for you so forget about him now :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): "As far as guys learning their lessons, I have never known too many guys in the 15-30 age group that ever learn their lessons."
Probably because they don't get called out on it. Guys used to never learn any lessons about sexual harassment in the workplace either until women stood up for themselves and called them out on it. Slaps on arse, being called a slag and all those things used to be "funny" in the workplace. Nowadays most guys know better and they even have laws in place to stop this kind of thing.
We guys aren't so stupid as to keep doing something that bites us on the ass each time. So as I said if more girls were like her then he'd be less inclined to do that kind of thing. In the very least he learn a lesson to share his humour only with girls who share is sense of humour.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe asked me a threesome proposal twice...
How stupid and immature I was to let them make jokes on me like that !
Thanks for the answers guys!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Sorry to butt in, but I keep getting follow-ups and I noticed it appears there's a bit of conflict afoot lol.
It doesn't really matter where you met him and blah blah blah, the bottom line is he wasn't what you were looking for, you both know that now, so just move on :)
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 July 2012):
As far as guys learning their lessons, I have never known too many guys in the 15-30 age group that ever learn their lessons. If they've been brought up thinking these thing are "ok" or "funny" to say, they usually continue on...finding someone who appreciates their own kind of "humor".
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 July 2012):
Haha good one OP. No you weren't wrong. He won't be so quick to try it again with another girl now he knows there's a possibility she'll put it up for everyone to see. You're showing him you're not someone to mess with. Ignoring stupid antics with 'dignity' will teach him absolutely nothing. When texting something, people should always check whether it can stand the light of day. You reminded him of that. I hope he learns the lesson.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 July 2012):
Why would that make a difference? OP, you need to learn not to be so thinned-skinned. If a commment like this offends you, you'd better prepare for when you get out in the real world as it sounds like you aren't there yet. Like someone else said, guys will say these things just as a matter of joking around. Yes, guys can be crude, rude, and obnoxious. So can some women. And I also agree with the fact you're taking it too seriously. Look, you asked if you were wrong to do what you did. If you're just going to argue with the opinions people give, just go on your merry way thinking what you did was right. It's all a matter of what people think is respectable behavior. Most of us think that if you don't like someone, you don't give him the time of day. Instead, you chose to play with this guy. Fine. Have it your way. All of his friends probably got a good laugh out of it AND YOU after he explained it to them anyway.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): It's not petty OP, it's a lesson. If more women outed guys who did things like this then guys would do it less often because they'd fear being outed. You're doing yourself and other women a favour. Never ever let a guy get away with sexually harassing you, I don't understand how women can tell you to brush it off and ignore him but then what lesson does that guy learn? That's like telling a rape victim to just ignore the guy and let it go and not punish him.
Always make people pay OP, don't ever let anyone get away with that kind of shit or you may be leaving the door open for this guy to prey on a woman weaker than you and make her life hell.
This guy would have learned nothing if you just let this slide, he would have continued on thinking he could just do this shit to any girl he liked and most girls wouldn't have had the balls to stand up to him and punish his ass. I say kudos to you OP, the slimey little douche got a nice lesson in respect and the general public will gauge what kind of guy he is.
If a guy sent something like that to my girlfriend I'd make damn sure he knows to not cross that line again with any woman.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually met him at the club that held his bday party. does that make difference?
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 July 2012):
It's petty because you have an immature view of things. If someone offends you, you walk away and maintain your own dignity and self-respect. You don't further engage and/or provoke them. If you thought the guy was difficult to begin with, you should not have given out your text number.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 July 2012):
What makes the difference? If the guy means nothing to you, let him be. I've heard worse propositions than the one he gave you, and I walked in the other direction never giving the guys a minute of my time again. What he said was rude, but your reaction speaks volumes about who you are, so I think both of you were disrespectful.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): I would have done the same if I was girl. I personally think the guy needed to be brought down to earth and have other girls see what kind of slime he is. Of course I'm a guy and can take the more direct approach to ensuring people don't mess with me.
If more guys were outed publicly maybe they'd learn to treat women with greater respect.
That said by doing this you have kind of made yourself look bad as you can see by NNA's reaction not all people will think kindly of you doing that. But again OP, what he did could well be considered sexual harassment and if that dickhead wanted privacy he shouldn't have sent a text like that to you. He lost all right to privacy when he decided to be an asshole to you, publicly outing and shaming guys is a very powerful tool for women. I always stand by the notion that anything I send to another person in writing, whether that be a text, email etc. should always be somewhat respectful and open to public scrutiny because quite frankly all of them are once that send button is pressed.
NNA is wrong, you didn't invade his privacy, he sent that to you, that text is your property now and you can do what you like with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 July 2012):
You didn't do yourself any favors by doing that. Telling him off, then blocking and deleting him would have been the best response. Your taking it to Facebook made you look immature, and you didn't get any sort of revenge by doing it, unfortunately. Anything you do in public can be used for later.
I would suggest deleting your "revenge", then blocking and deleting, and then go your separate ways.
...............................
A
female
reader, easyluckyfree0 +, writes (28 July 2012):
well he was only kidding. yeah it was a stupid thing to joke about but... he's a boy. and he thinks with his head downstairs. you shouldn't have taken it so seriously but I don't think its too late to apologize. take that photo off facebook and tell him how you felt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): I don't think there was any need for revenge. If you found him difficult to be around and you were unhappy about what he said to you, then you should have just told him what you think of him and that you wish to have no further contact with him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow come thats petty? he sexually harassed me!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Two wrongs don't make a right, as the old saying goes.
No point wasting your time and energy on such a petty matter, go your separate ways and let that be the end of it.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (28 July 2012):
You need to grow up and stop playing such childish games! If you didn’t like the guy, why didn’t you just ignore his text and go your separate ways? You could have just accepted that he was not worth the effort and moved on, instead you lost all right to the moral high ground when you did something as ridiculous as publishing it on Facebook. IT really is such a shame that sites like Facebook can’t be compelled to remove nasty privacy invaders who abuse the internet like you. Your behaviour was absolutely pathetic.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): You're both on the wrong, and childish. Period.
...............................
|
