A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've come to a sudden halt in my relationship, and am in need of advice. I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 years, we live together and have a very happy relationship.The only problem is his parents live abroad and he's always wanted to move out there for a better way of life. We agreed to both go later on in life, but within the past year he's begun to feel really unhappy here and just wants to go and make a fresh start. Although I was willing to go a couple of months back, I have been having second thoughts. I really don't feel that in my heart I can leave my family, friends, job etc. This is making us really unhappy and we've been arguing a bit recently whenever the subject is brought up.I've began to realise although we want the same things in life, we want them at different times in our lives. We have both admitted that we don't want to lose each other but we just can't seem to compromise. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (5 June 2007):
 If either one is unwilling to budge, then there will be a standstill, or worse still, a head lock. A simple answer to this is that one MUST give in, or neither will move forward. A breakup is bound to happen if neither one backs down. This is therefore a question on your part, whether you want the relationship bad enough to work that you're willing to sacrifice moving out of where you want to be. Same goes with him. You both have to understand that whatever the decision, either one of you have to live with the thought that you couldve had a better life somewhere else, but do bear in mind that life is mostly a struggle everywhere you go. I suggest having a sit down with him and try your best to work out a compromise before it takes a serious toll on the relationship.
A
female
reader, Murphious +, writes (5 June 2007):
Firstly, have you been over to where it is your boyfriend is wanting to move to?! Have you spent much time there to decide whether you like it or not? If you answer no, I think you should do this before deciding.
If you have, then if your boyfriend is absolutely adamant maybe you could agree to trial the move?
Other than that I think it really comes down to whether you truly want to spend the rest of your lives together, whether you might be able to take a break so that he could maybe see what life is like out there and whether he could live without you and the same for you living here without him?
I hope this helps in some way
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A
female
reader, Ms_Iwal  +, writes (5 June 2007):
The Choices we make in life shape our future, Only you will ever know if you truly love this man, and if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Only you know the right decision, but remember this, your family will always be there every holiday and every time you need to go home! The Future is creating your own family! and if it doesnt work out you can always go home lease you can say you tried
love Ms_Iwal
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A
female
reader, Dojha +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Hello anon,
sometimes relationships are about compromising. Its tough but its something that needs to be done. its also selfish because one person gets what they want and the other doesnt.
try having another discussion about this but this time promise each other not to let it turn into an argument. Also let him know that you feel the same way as he does about leaving your family too.
Maybe he is just a bit homesick and doesnt see his family very often. Why dont you suggest going to visit them TOGETHER more often? this way you are still together and he gets to see his family.
This may be a solution to your problem. Try it and let us know how it goes.
Tk cr,
Dojha
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): Oh my darling everything goes along great and then BANG!!! huge decition time, You didnt say where his family lived now? He obviously misses his family just as you would if you went with him, I understand how you feel you are at the moment secure there with your family and friends behind you and your obviously going to feel very sad at having to leave them behind, You seem to have a strong relationship thats good and you are by the sounds of it secure with your man, You could stay behind for awhile and see how you feel if he were to go and if you missed him so much that may make the decition for you. If this is not an option for you as i couldnt be without my fella for a day... You also dont say if you have your own house or if your in a flat? selling up everything is so final, if its a flat then thats not so bad as you could poss find another one if it didnt work out... Have you spoken to your family and got their veiw on this? would it be poss that if you did go and once again found out it wasnt working and you were unhappy they would have a room for emergency time.. I no there is so much to think about as there are your mates to, This is not an easy one but with technology these days there is e-mails to keep intouch, And it all depends on how far away it is so you could visit if you were going through a homesick period, I havent got a clue if that has helped any or ive just confussed you even more i do hope not!!! take care and i hope thing work out for you love xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Is it decision time for you both right now?
No, otherwise you wouldn't have any doubts.
This question seems to be written by you from "what if" point.
"began to realise although we want the same things in life, we want them at different times in our lives"
When the timing of partners is different, the one who is ahead is supposed to slow down a little.
Explanation for this is that people need motivation to make any changes in their lives.
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