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female
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anonymous
writes: ive been cheated on by someone i trusted with all my heart, and i dont know how i can take him back. it's been 4 months since he cheated but i still cant accept it. my bf wants be back and we do date again but whenever i think of loving and trusting him again, memories of his cheating come back and images of him and the other girl creep in my head. it makes me feel insecure and i just want to leave him. i try my best to forgive and forget but somehow the pain just keeps coming back.i was traumatized by what happened because during the 2yrs we've been together, my bf keeps promising me he will never cheat no matter what. but when for a couple of months i neglected and took him for granted (but I never cheated), i found out he's been cheating on me and they've been sleeping together for a month which was really hard for me to accept because i thought my bf was not capable of this betrayal. i had no idea because the whole time my bf tells me im the only one, when in fact he's with her. their affair did not last.now he promises that he's changed and he will be faithful to me but i dont know why i should take him back when these are the same promises he broke. i though the was not capable of cheating on me as he promised but i was wrong. now im feeling guilty that i cant seem to forgive him. people say give him a second chance but its so hard especially when i trusted him so much. the images and memories are just too much to bear, they keep creeping in my mind making me feel betrayed and insecure.i want to believe his promises and start again, but whenever we're together memories of his cheating just haunts me and i feel like i cant accept him yet. i hate myself its been 4 mos and i should forgive him but i just cant!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Matthew 6:15, "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
For more readings on forgiveness.
Fromhttp://www.greatbiblestudy.com/unforgiveness_poison.php
I am so sorry to see so many aunts here advising you not to forgive him.
They know not what they are saying or aware of the
redemptive power of the act of forgiveness.
They are so judgmental and as though they are perfect beings
and they will never cheat or sin in their life.
Forgiveness is for your own good .
Whether you want to accept him back is another different matter.
By your own human strength , you may not be able to forgive
him but if you pray to Jesus and asked for His strength to
forgive him , you will be able to forgive him.
We are only human and bound to make mistakes.
Who does not make mistakes ?
Only fools think they are perfect and never make any wrongs in their life.
For further readingshttp://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131
or just Google this word,'unforgiveness.'
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (20 April 2008):
 Forgiveness has very little to do with the other person, it's something that you give yourself- permission to let go of the baggage of a painful experience. Until you can forgive, you will be carrying this guy around with you and he will continue to have power over your life. You cannot let go until you forgive. This is not something you tell him, this is permission you give yourself and you aren't ready to do this so you will keep feeling the need to recycle the pain via this relationship or allow it to infiltrate your next one. This is the process you are struggling with, not the question of whether you can trust him again or not, and this is why you are so vulnerable to him.
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A
female
reader, ortis  +, writes (20 April 2008):
I feel for you. Im in a relatively similar state. He was "just" chatting sexually on the internet to other women and I caught him. Your guy actually related to another woman and they slept together. I cant believe the pain its caused inside me. I really loved him and thoughts he is cheating all the time, creep back no matter what I do. However for what its worth,im going to go for it 100percent again because He is the man I want to be with. There is no guarantee he wont do it again, and if you meet someone else he might do the same. We cant live our lives as women, having to 'break up' because he cheated. Maybe he is insecure, or has an issue with freedom. get to know the person that he is. Forgive him and love him with all your heart. You are already hurt, relationships hurt...if its not one thing its another. Maybe this gives us the freedom to be ourselves, and that for me is giving it my best shot hurt and all as i am. The rest is just revenge and there is nothing down that road except bitterness.
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A
female
reader, Wolvne +, writes (20 April 2008):
You shouldn't forgive. He shouldn't have cheated on you in the first place! He's not worth your breath, or your time. Tell him that it's OVER: you can't be with someone you can't trust.
You'll find someone.
-God be with you,
Wolven
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A
female
reader, unluckyinlife  +, writes (19 April 2008):
you shouldn't be with this guy.
and you shouldn't feel guilty as there is no need, you have done nothing wrong.
if he is capable of cheating on you once then he is capable of doing it twice and can you really go through all that again.
your worth more than that im sure x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): don't forgive himas they say a leapard never changes its spots if you let him back into your life are you prepared for another heartbreak because he will probally cheat on you again.tell him no and say that he cheated on you and its time to move on. he is not worth your tears
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A
female
reader, sarah_s + ♥, writes (19 April 2008):
 Why are you still with him when you know your suffering? If 2 years was a solid relationship why did he cheat behind your back? and still he has found a way to crawl back to you after what he's done. I don't think so. He is not worth it even he proclaimed he changed there is no excuse to have a affiar with some other women when he clearly said ''your the only one''. That's just disgraceful. Deep down you want to forgive but, still the memories still flood there and you know it's tearing your heart out which isn't healthy when your always at his presence. Give yourself space. Don't force yourself into him.Best wishes. Sarah.
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (19 April 2008):
 Look, just dont bother with him!If he isn't willing to change, he isnt worth your pain!I hope this helpsFrom tashaxxx
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