A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I told a sweet, decent guy I had liked him for a long while (over facebook, only cause I hardly get to see him) about a month ago. I'm a little embarrassed about it... I had told him every single quality I found admirable about him and while confessing, wished him well for his first year of Medicine at Uni quite a few miles away. I basically laid bare all my feelings out for him, was very honest, but still tried to keep it un-creepy and desperate, but tastefully sweet and honest. I really thought he was genuine, kind-hearted and unique. He didn't feel the same but didn't make me feel any bad about it - said all sorts of nice things then asked what I had finally decided on this year. I thanked him later and told him to text me rather, about my plans another time, as it was really late then proceeded to give him my WhatsApp number. He never got back to me and after a week I realised I was still hoping for something between us and seriously needed some internal reflection, motivation and moving on. I'm ignoring my feelings now, spending time with friends and the like. But yesterday, it was my birthday, and I never got a word from him. I hate that I still expect something from him, I thought I had moved on from that behaviour. He had said he was proud to call me his friend, but wouldn't a friend send a simple birthday wish?
View related questions:
facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 March 2014):
 He is not maintaining contact, I think you should just let it go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys :) Thanks very much for your advice. I think I sometimes choose not to really see things objectively when it suits me. Sigh. So I'm really enjoying this year so far. I've met great people! But I took the advice about not rushing to replace him, so still single and sort of enjoying it :) There's another problem though. I honestly didn't think it would be such an issue but I find it's all I've been thinking about the entire weekend. Grr. It's HIS birthday tomorrow. We havn't talked since. Should I bother wishing him anything? I want to maintain our friendship, in the long run. I hate ending things badly. But I don't want him thinking I'm still after him. Plus, I selfishly want to kind of feel like I have the upper hand, like 'I'm so over you I don't even care that today is your birthday' sort of thing. It's silly, I know. But I really don't know what the mature thing is to do here. What do you think he'll think if I say anything? Will he even be bothered if I didn't care less?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): The advice you've got here is spot on- I could imagine a similar posted re-listed only with a twist in the last few lines...'...But yesterday, it was my birthday, and he went out of his way to text me 'Happy Birthday'. I hate that I still expect something from him, I thought I had moved on from that behaviour. He had said he was proud to call me his friend, but I just wonder if his specifically getting back in touch to wish me a happy birthday means that he wants something more...?If he's as considerate as you say then he possibly gave it some thought before deciding it best not to get any hopes up and to give you chance to move on. Just because the feelings weren't returned it doesn't mean that he's not genuine, kind-hearted and unique. Just that a relationship wasn't right for him. He is likely very flattered by your interest regardless of how he stood.Because your feeling were sincere, don't rush to 'replace' him with anyone else. Throw yourself into life for a while and just enjoy being an interesting person worthy of meeting someone you'll someday be able to share it all with. You will meet many new people when you start uni and your life will change considerably. You will potentially enjoy it all the more for not being tied to a connection away from where you go to uni. So relax- you have a lot to look forward to.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (17 January 2014):
 You will most likely get over him completely to the point that looking back you'll wonder why you were so enamoured of him now.
What you can do to help yourself get over him sooner is see his flaws and short comings. When we're attracted to someone we tend to ignore those and only focus on their good points. We romanticize them. By paying attention to his flaws you can humanize him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCiar + and So_Very_Confused may be quite close I think. I mentioned, in what I wrote to him, that the smallest things he'd do I would take as something more. I think he's now very aware that I tend to take things quite seriously and trying to avoid more confusion and hurt. Sigh. Thanks so much aunts!! Aunty BimBim +, how do I go about moving on from this? I can't seem to forget him! Every other guy I meet seems silly compared to the person he is. It's so fustrating...I'm going to University this year, will things hopefully change?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (16 January 2014):
Not necessarily. I don't go out of my way to keep track of every friend's birthday so I can contact them and wish them well.
I think the guy is tactfully keeping a safe distance because any sign of affection from him could (and likely would) be misunderstood to mean more than what it was.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 KNOWING you feel more, he WISELY decided NOT to feed those feelings and get your hopes up.
He did the right thing. consider him a blip on your radar and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (16 January 2014):
Sounds like he was a nice decent sort of guy, who let you down gently and did not make fun of your feelings ....
You are still hoping for more than he has to give you, you really do need to move on.
...............................
|
