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He wants our son to meet his new girlfriend. But he's imposing restrictions on our son's contact with my boyfriend. How can I move on?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Faded love, Family, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi aunts and uncles, ive got a question what would you do in this situation.

I was with my ex for five years, we had a child together. We got back together but in this time I didn't realise he had met someone else.

He had moved away and would come to see us every weekend and told me he was working on finding a job back where we lived.

I obviously found out he was seeing this girl.

We chatted about it and tried to reconcile things. Got back together but we're on and off in this time I have again found out he was seeing this girl through mutual friends.

She is now officially his girlfriend.

A year has passed and I have also moved on and met someone else but I feel guilty.

He's now asking if our child can meet his ''new'' girlfriend

I feel terrible for her and I don't want my son involved in a messy situation.

Do I just keep my mouth shut and let him meet her or talk to my ex about how I feel?

My ex is extremely manipulative and has relentlessly texted me about my boyfriend telling me he can't spend time with my son ect

Telling me he can't stay in the house with my son?

He can move on but I cant? It feels like one thing after another with him. I'm very lucky my partner is supportive. Help please I don't know how to move forward. I don't want to hurt this girl I just want to move on without my son being dragged down with my exes lies.

View related questions: got back together, move on, my ex, text

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (29 October 2015):

Ivyblue agony auntI think if you don't stand your ground from the get go you are leaving yourself open to ongoing manipulation and control. Perhaps a solution could be to have him meet your partner but let him know it is out of consideration being your sons father not for the purpose of his approval. Should he start to dictate the terms you should point out ,politely of course, that you are in no way stopping your son spend time with the very woman he cheated on you with so maybe its time to trade in his double standards for a parenting cap.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (28 October 2015):

janniepeg agony auntYour ex has a double standard. If his girlfriend can see your son then your boyfriend can also see your son. If it's fear of child abuse I understand because most of the child abuse is inflicted by boyfriends and just sometimes girlfriends. If it's about not wanting to be replaced as a father, then he has to be fair to you too. He can also be making your dating life difficult so in case he is single again he would go "on" with you, just stringing you along. This mess is only resolved when you get married then your ex has no say when your boyfriend becomes legal guardian of your son.

When you say you can't move on does that mean you are not over your ex? If that's true it is important to know where your relationships stand because you don't want your son to be dragged down into ambiguous relationships either. Right now you have to focus on your son and your well being as priority. When you are in a confused state of mind it is difficult to make important life decisions. Why are you worried about hurting his new girlfriend?

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (28 October 2015):

What lies had your ex told..

Though the situation is messy and I feel your hurt but also your determination to move on and build a life for you and your son .. I think you can give him a time limit as in .. say 10 am on a Saturday until half 7 or before that even .. how many hours depend on his age .. ( your sons) if under 7 I would say 5 hours away from home would be enough and if older then until evening would be fine as long as your son gets to talk to you if he wishes too as this is all new .

I agree until something is solid then no one should stay over .. With your son present .. so until either your engaged or your ex is etc .. then your son should only be staying with mummy or daddy only .. He doesn't need any drama yet..

A slowly slowly approach I think would be best .. and I can only say sweetie that it's advice .. If you wish to follow it.. its up to you..

I think a sit down between you and your ex is needed to draw up a plan .. take care and chin up

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