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He wants me to wait for him while he 'finishes things' with another girl

Tagged as: Breaking up, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 February 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I apologise in advance that this is so long!

So me and my ex split up 6 months ago. We had been together a year and a bit, and saw each other loads. Towards the end he became distant and I knew there was something up. He confessed he had feeling for another girl and felt really bad about it,he was crying and really uspet. He insisted that we remain together because he wanted to make us work and so did I.

However a week later, we ended up splitting. Things just weren't the same. I initiated it because i felt it was the right thing to do. We were both upset, and after a few weeks he explained that he'd started seeing this girl. However he would still phone me most days and tell me he loved me. They began to get more serious, but he'd still keep in touch with me. A month ago, he asked me to 'wait for him'. He said he'd thought bout us being together again but wanted me to wait. I asked why and he said he wasn't sure how to finish things with this girl. I said I'd wait a while then if they still hadn't broken up, I was going to move on with my life. He gets annoyed with this and asks me not to meet anyone else everytime I go out because he still loves me.

The thing is when I see them together I get really hurt. They seem quite happy and I feel as though he is leading me on. But if he was happy why would he still be contacting me? He wants us to meet this wednesday and spend the day together 'to see what it feels like'. I'm not sure what to do...I do want him back but I'm not prepared to wait any longer. Surely if he wanted to be with me de'd be with me now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

View related questions: move on, my ex, split up

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (27 February 2010):

Denise32 agony auntA month ago?! If he really meant what he said about "finishing it" with this other girl, I'd have given him at the very most two or three days, and then, that would be it!

How long does it take to tell someone, "Sorry, but I have decided to get back with my ex" Sure, she'd be upset, but people break up all the time, and get over it.

The nerve of him to tell you he didn't want you to meet and go out with anyone else!

Forget him - he wants to have his cake and eat it, as Caring Guy said.......

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

Don't wait. Move on. He's playing you.

I think that about says it all.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2010):

No he doesn't love you. If he loved you, he would be with you. Simple as that. He's a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants you and her, and will no doubt play you against each other. Don't believe a word he says. He's a liar. He said he had feelings for another girl, went to her, and now wants you and her, and no doubt a few other girls as well. Don't go down the path so many others have gone down and believe that he will suddenly change. He won't. Move on now, before you get hurt even more.

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A female reader, louisex United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2010):

It sounds like he does still like you, but he likes being with this girl too. He might be wanting you to wait while he definetely makes up his mind, which could be why he asked to meet to see how it feels. I dont know if this would be helpfull, but you shouldnt wait for him. If he loves you, then he loves YOU and shouldnt be indecisive. Ask him straight and say if he wants to be with you, then it has to be now. Its not fair that you should be hanging on while he's still making his mind up or simply enjoying both of you. You'll be even more hurt the longer it goes on especially if he ends up never choosing. Surely if he loves you, he can split with this girl no matter how easy or hard it is. Be good to yourself, and dont run after him. Tell him to make a decision now, or he'll lose you forever. You need a chance to move on too y'know.

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