A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my best friend introduced me to this guy she used to work with. I started talking to him although he lived about 2,000 miles away from me. I was a little hesitant because he was so far but I thought, what the heck who knows where this can go.. So sure enough him and I clicked! I really started liking him. After a few weeks it felt like love! About a month into the relationship He paid for me to go visit. Overall i had an ok trip! I mean I didn't want to leave because I enjoyed being around him physically and everything felt right. He even introduced me to his immediate family and close friends. We knew that eventually one of us would have to make a move and I didn't really like his city.. It was just so different from how I grew up and what I was used to.. So anyways after the vacation we still remained in a relationship and we still very much talked on the phone 24/7... But after a while I felt like what I thought was love was dying down. The phone calls were shorter the texts just everything felt different. As if we were fading away.. One day I put our pics on his Facebook.. Well jus 1 pic of us.. And he took it down. I didnt think he would have a problem with me doing that because he's mentioned me on his page before.. So I asked him about it and he got so defensive (which made me raise an eyebrow like something must be going on because I was so calm when I mentioned to him about why he took it off) well a few days past and his ex wrote I love you (with my bf ñame in parenthesis) and he wrote back saying he loves her too and misses her .. I was devastated! I asked him about it and he denies it when it's right there! I feel like I can't really do anything because I can't physically show him... So I new at that point we were done cuz that would be foolish of me to stay when clearly he has no respect for me to at least tell me the truth.. So days go by and he texts me on and off as if nothing happened.in the beginning of the relationship if I confronted him about anything he would clear it up and tell me how much he loves me and make sure I felt secure in what we have but now he was just like idk what your talking about period! So a few weeks later he starts saying how he will pay for everything so I can move in with him.. I felt like I was falling in a trap again. Idk whether to consider it or not. He's still young 22 and idk if he's ready for all of that. In the beginning everything was so much better. Idk if I even regret going to visit. I'm just hurt. Idk what to think.. Was it lust? I kind of feel stupid for going to visit even though it is the past. Like he paid for the ticket and the hotel but I paid for everything else food and entertainment expenses which was totally fine with me but before I went he said I didn't have to worry about any expenses but when I got there it was a diff story so that was maybe a red flag when it comes to trust?? He said he would give me my money back but he hasn't even mentioned but once but I doubt I'm getting it back which is ok I just don't think he should of lied and said he would of taken Care of everything... Idk what to do. He says he REALLY wants me to move there but idk whether believe he will be there for me? Should I just totally erase him out my life.? It's been a few days since I heard from him so please give me advice? It would really be appreciated
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best friend, facebook, his ex, I love you, money, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): No no no, this is all wrong. This guy is all talk and none of it makes any sense. He's a dreamer living in a fantasy world of puppies and flowers, he says one thing and does others and that whole thing with his ex is a huge red flag.
There are just too many things wrong with this picture for you to even consider moving there, you might like to think you do but you really don't know anything at all about this guy. You've only met him once in person. He lied to you, plays games, is unreliable and irresponsible and you honestly have no idea what it would be like to actually date him for a couple of months in person let alone take the monumental (mostly mental) step of actually moving 2000 miles to move in with him. No, no no no no no no and no!
Please don't take this the wrong way and please don't think I'm calling you stupid but this whole thing is one huge foolish endeavor. Firstly I just don't know how you expected to actually build any kind of close long term relationship with a guy who lives 2000 miles away. LDR's just don't work and while you may click on the phone/online in person we are very different. You see it's very easy to be nice, good, polite all those things over the phone and online one on one. Talk about feelings and things like that but you only see sincerety and truth when you're with someone face to face and no, one weekend or week is not enough. It's very easy to keep playing the nice guy for a short amount of time.
You see you don't know what he's doing at all in his life there, because you're not there, you don't know any of his friends and you don't hang out with him at all. You just really don't know what kind of person he is at all. At the moment your just a part of his fantasy world, the one he leaves behind when he hangs up the phone/logs off. Even then he removes any pics of you, tells his "ex" that he loves her, which exes don't really do by the way. I don't think they are broken up. Because you don't live there and don't really know anyone there you can't confirm anything he says, in fact when you do he tries to brush it off, you can't trust him at all. This really is just all wrong.
Do you really think he'd even consider moving to where you live to be with you? No he wouldn't because it's too much for him, he'd give you every excuse under the sun, work, college, friends etc but all those apply to you too.
OP I think you know none of this makes any sense, none of it. It's best if you move on. This guy is not for you, he's not trustworthy and he lives too far away for you to build any kind of relationship and you have absolutely no way of testing things out before you move in with him and as such it will all just go wrong and you will trapped there for months. Don't be a fool OP even couples that have been physically close to each other for years find moving in a difficult adjustment and they have the advantage of being close to each other in person for years before they try. You don't have any of that. You might grow to hate him after a couple of weeks of being around him because he;s not the guy you think he is.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Do not trust this man. You are right about everything you question, it's weird and red flags! I wouldn't count on getting any money back from him, we can always hope, but he doesn't sound like a trustworthy man after even denying whats in writing black on white. He also tells you half stories, first he said you wouldn't have to worry about expenses, but the real story was quite a different one.
I would really like you to read my article on avoiding being used financially as I am afraid this man is luring you into a trap to take advantage of you again. It might not be what he honestly think, or intends, but the fact is he has no respect for you or your money. So do not go. Read my article if you want to and learn from my experience with the same type of man! He also asked me to move in with him, but when I came over suddenly he didn't have money after all..... Guess who had to pay....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 So you want to move 2000 miles away in a town which you don't like, to be close to a guy that's not ready to commit, might be seeing other girls, has surely lied to you, promised you something that he did not deliver and owes you money which he is not giving back....
Common sense says : no. Stay put where you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): He's a user kiddo.let him pay his own way. You're young and it's a receipe for destroying your life if ya pick up and move across country only to find out what the fella is a dirtbag. There's plenty of single guys your age so keep yourself home and fancy guy closer. I'm sure it won't be hard finding a better grade guy given the description of the user. Tell him no thank ya and be finished with him. Don't let the guy fool ya kiddo. Watch out for you because he's not.
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