A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in need of some serious advice. So lately my husband's sex drive has plummeted and our sex life hasn't been that great because along with his sex drive his stamina has plummeted as well. Well he sat me down two days ago and said that he knows he can't satisfy me because of it all and that if I wanted to have my sexual needs met by someone else then he was ok with it. The only thing he asked was that I used protection and that I didn't kiss them because he wanted kissing to be saved for him as something that was special just for us. I also found out that he wants to be able to fool around sexually with a man (my husband is bisexual) and that he misses it and obviously I can't satisfy his need for that seeing as I'm a woman. The thing is I don't want to have sex with anyone else. I only want him and for me what he doesn't seem to understand is that it's not about the sex for me it's about the closeness that I feel when I'm with him that way. Anyways, I need to know what I can do? I want to tell him I don't want to go through with it, but I know if I do then he will feel compelled to not do what pleases him and I only want him happy even if that means being with others sexually to be so. How do I handle this? How can I make this easier for me to cope with?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I think he is saying he has no/little sex drive for heterosexual sex and feels he might have more drive with a homosexual experience.
If you agreed long ago that your marriage and sexuality was going to be reserved only for each other, then both of you should abide by that. If it is a deal breaker for you to go outside your marriage-then speak up and let him know alternatives are not acceptible. Anything less is considered a breach of your trust.
You are pretty young-how long have you been married?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I've mentioned it and he said he doesn't want to lose me or our family. (we have a 6 going on 7 month old son together. We will have been married a year this coming Sept. We are both bisexual, but I just don't miss the company of a woman like he does a man because I'm happy with him that's why I said yes when he asked me to marry him. We've also been best friends for 9 years. I don't want to lose my husband and best friend all at the same time. I spoke with him and he said that if he does do anything with a guy he wants to do it with me, like a threesome type thing because now he says he doesn't know if he could do it without me there. I'm so confused. Even together I still don't want to share myself with anyone else but him. But I feel like an idiot for wanting to stay. I know my husband has had feelings like this for all the years I've known him, he has even fought with his gender identity, but it was never an issue til now.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (30 August 2011):
I think he's more gay than bisexual, and married you partially to try to sort this side of himself out. And it hasn't worked, through NO FAULT of yours- do not feel guilty. You are young and will find a far superior closeness with a man happy with you and you alone. Be brave, end it, and best of luck.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (30 August 2011):
 If he didn't have much of a sex drive/stamina, he wouldn't be able to fu*ck men! He has no sexual interest in YOU. Whether that is a temporary thing, or permanent only he knows. Instead of telling you that he wants to sleep with men, he has created some BS excuse about his sex drive and suggested you sleep with someone as well, to lessen the severity of the situation. It's an conscious attempt to even out the game field.
The question is really: can you accept his want to have sex with the men while he's MARRIED to YOU? If you're uncomfortable with this (which you are and any normal woman would be), you should never agree to this marriage-destroying agreement. I suggest you two seek counseling, for you have a huge issue in your marriage.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 He's contradicting himself.
One the one hand he "has no sex drive" yet on the other he "wants to have sex with a man".
Nope. Still doesn't add up.
You got married. That includes a promise of sexual fidelity towards each other, and a commitment to making the relationship work. He's not honouring this.
If you let him get his way your marriage will be destroyed. If you dont it sounds like the same may happen, although its less certain.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 August 2011):
 he has no sex drive or stamina for you, but he will have them when he has got a man? he is giving you the green light to have sex with someone coz that is exactly what he plans to do and he wants to make it 'fair'
you are young so i guess you haven't been married very long, hows it all gone SO wrong SO soon? he is likely to go out and get a man whether you do or not. i am puzzled as to why you two got married in the first place. you bot have different sexual standards and different morals. i can't see this marriage working out.
you are asking how to cope with it, the answer is easy - just adopt an entirely new mindset about fidelity and personal standards, put your own beliefs about marriage in the bin and agree to do along with what he wants and be happy with it.
do you think you can do this??
x
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