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He wants me to go through with this 3-some even although I'm not really that keen!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 9 February 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

A few weeks ago my fiance started texting me asking what I thought about threeseomes. I told him right away that I wanted to do one, thinking that he was talking about a FFM threeseome. I love to pleasure him and turn him on and he has told me numerous times that me being with another girl would turn him on. So we started talking about the threesome, teasing each other with it, and basically decided that it was going to happen (but he didn't want to touch her).

And then he asked about a MMF threeseome, something that I hadn't given much thought to, and I said no. He kept asking me why and things like that and telling me that I did want it but I was just lying to him, he does that. And I kept telling him no, until I couldn't take it anymore and finally said that yes I do want to do it. He asked more why questions, while pretending that that was what he wanted too, and it became more complicated.

Truthfully, no I don't want to do it but there's a certain appeal to that particular threeseome that holds me that I can't explain. I'm not sure what it is but I find it intriguing. So he got mad at me and told me that he lied and really didn't want to do it he just knew that I did and wanted me to tell him that I did. So now he's mad at me because he claims that he's not enough for me and that I don't really love him, even after I told him that I don't want it. And now he's going to make me do this because he doesn't want me to ever wonder what it's like again, even though I really don't want to.

I feel like this is going to destroy us, and I can't let that happen. Please tell me what to do? He keeps flip flopping between being mad because "I want to screw someone else" and understanding the need to explore my sexuality.

View related questions: fiance, teasing, text, threesome

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A female reader, Carrot2000 United States +, writes (9 February 2010):

Carrot2000 agony auntYou are being bullied into a threesome and eyeswideopen is right; you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you do this, do you honestly think he will look at you the same? If anything, he will use the threesome as an excuse not to get married. Are you so afraid of losing him that you are willing to allow him to force you into something you don't want?

Neither of you are ready for marriage. He is immature and still playing games. You're not strong enough to stand up for yourself and mean what you say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

Having had a threesome with a girl I cared about, I was surprised to find how my feelings about her changed after it happened. I wouldn't do it, but at the same time, this guy is definitely playing games. That kind of crap shouldn't fly.

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A male reader, goodguy11 United States +, writes (8 February 2010):

Sit him down and tell him the truth without repeating yourself. If you say that you don't want to do it then don't. Tell him that it bugs you when he keeps asking the same question when you told him the truthful answer the FIRST TIME!Immature is the correct term for the way he is acting. He should really appreciate you for what you have done for him. It sounds like you really love this guy and you want to please him anyway you can. If he can't see what a wonderful girl you are that you're trying to give him what he wants then I would suggest you postpone the wedding until this is resolved.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (8 February 2010):

Miamine agony aunt"So now he's mad at me because he claims that he's not enough for me and that I don't really love him, even after I told him that I don't want it. And now he's going to make me do this because he doesn't want me to ever wonder what it's like again, even though I really don't want to."

Can you read this sentance out loud, and tell me if it makes sense.

It sounds like nonsense, because it is, this guy is playing mind games with you. He's trying to confuse you, because what he wants is confusing me. Why play these silly games with the woman you love?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (8 February 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntJeez Louise, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't with this guy. I'd re-think marrying the guy. If he plays these kind of games you could be in for some real misery. And a threesome???? Those rarely net the results that people expect. Keep an eye on those flip flops he's doing, very unsettling.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

Well then just tell him to do his twosome (MM) with his friend or a onesome. This guy is such a fool, it aint very easy to find a girl who accepts a trheesome just for pleasing the guy and this one treats her badly, no no no.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (8 February 2010):

You know that in your heart this is something you don't want to do, even if that fantasy in your head is still there. Tell him no and focus on your relationship. Clearly if he continues, then you need to accept it's over and move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

Mind games and playing tricks. He doesn't sound mature. Tell it to him straight how you feel, but if he can't get over this then you two aren't going to be happy together.

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