A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now and it seems like he isn't bothered about me anymore even though he says he loves me. It's always me that has to make the effort to go out (he always says he has no money but then will go out with his friends), he won't let me meet his mates even though he knows all of mine and it is always me who has to go to his house to see him (he lives with a flatmate) he won't come to mine (I live with my parents). I did move in with him and his flatmate and he asked me to leave after three months because he didn't enjoy living with me. He doesn't text or ring me unless I do it first.When we first got together he used to buy me flowers and silly presents like small teddies just out of the blue because he knew I would like it but now there is nothing. He always uses the 'I have no money' excuse but it's not like I want anything big, just a 99p teddy would make me smile. I do believe him when he says he loves me but it would be nice if he showed it. I suggested going to see him and he said he wasn't fussed if I went or not. It hurt my feelings knowing that he is fine with only seeing me once a week and before he wasn't at all fine with that. I don't know what's happened to make things this way.
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female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Truth hurts, but, girl, you have to accept the truth that your observations are valid. Don't waste your time and effort bringing the good old days to justify his claims that he still love you. Anything new is exciting, but when that new becomes old, the interest wanes down with all its splendor.What excites us at first glance becomes ordinary in the long run.When love goes into thin air, you cannot do anything to change or lure it back. It simply fades away. You don't have to do anything, but , cry a little, and move on with your life..without him. He is gone..it hurts, but that is what life is all about..some things never last.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 CaringGuy is right about the uncanny hold and power that words have over women ( and some men too )
Half of the posts on Dear Cupid start with :He says that...
He says . But, do you necessarily have to believe him regardless of opposing evidence ?
Would you believe an optimistic doctor telling you " Oh don't worry, it's nothing serious " when the results of your blood tests show you you have lethal stage cancer ?
Would you believe a friend advising you to drive drunk and with no seat belt because it's perfectly safe, when all the stats show the opposite ?
People CAN say what you want to hear, or what they need to say in order to further their interest and mantaining the status quo.
Obviously your bf likes it the way it is : having a gf always available for sex and companionship when he wants , and no need to put any effort in the relationship or to consider your emotional needs. Very convenient, but... "what love's gotta do with it ".
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2011):
It's interesting how, for a woman, words can mean far more than actions.
This guy has completely fails when it comes to actions, yet he tells you he loves you and you believe it? In reverse, if a woman was treating a man this way, he'd probably dump her to be honest.
You can measure someone by their actions. He might say he loves you, but words can be faked far more easily than actions. He does't show it at all, and when he lived with you and his flatmate even asked you to leave because he didn't enjoy it!
The truth is, this guy pretty much has what he wants, and isn't after anything else. He sees you when he wants, doesn't have to show you any real love at all because you focus on the words, asked you to leave because he didn't like leaving you, claims he has no money yet goes out with friends.
I think you need to totally readdress this relationship and really think about whether he's a great guy, or whether he just uses you as he pleases. There doesn't seem like there's any real love here at all.
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