A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have know a guy for 30 years. I have two children from someone else and that did not work, so Id re-linked with this guy. We continued from where we left off, it was very natural. He has other children too.I now have a 10 year old fathered by him and we do not live together, not taking about marriage or anything. I split up with him for over a year. For the last three months he has turned up on my door step and keeps ringing me using his child as an excuse. I am considering getting back with him as i have not met any one else 'better the devil you know etc' but want change. He is really difficult to talk to as he won't communicate back.I think he still has feelings for me by the way he looks at me and dresses up when he sees me. I feel offended as for 10 years he has never invited me into his home and I have stopped him coming into mine.Any suggestions welcomed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): You seem to settle for very little. I don't find a reason in your post why you need to get back with him. Do you love him? Does he pursue you with dates and flowers? Does he love you? Do you both have a new connection and enjoy each other?
You write that he is difficult to communicate to. If that is the case, you should stay apart.
It sounds like you are not meeting many guys. Do you socialize enough (i.e volunteerring, etc) to find some potential new mates? Do you attend church or other events where you could meet someone?
Getting back together with someone because you haven't met anyone better is a pretty depressing option. Don't give up. It is better to remain single and have your options open. He is cold coffee.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 January 2014):
 Sure, my suggestion would be to ask him if he and his wife would like to come for dinner.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 January 2014):
 I dont think it was 'natural' I think it's just a habit.
I am also surprised that you managed to concieve a child when you have never been to eachothers homes? Maybe a hotel or something (not really any of our business tbh)
Have you ever thought of meeting someone new? instead of having to second guess and skirt around someone who, for 30 years, you cannot even communicate with??
I get the 'better the devil you know' but this particular devil has great gaping gaps in his care and attention of you, so how is he ever going to fulfill those when he never has in the past and probably never will in the future.
Settle for so little, just because he dresses nicely??...sounds VERY unnatural to me.
Your life is not over, you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 January 2014):
 I am surprised you managed to have a child together. You have never been to his home, he won't communicate and he comes and goes from your life as it suits him
Just because he puts on decent clothes and looks at you in a certain way - doesn't mean he has feelings. He probably can't believe your STILL his back-up girl after all these years.
SO if your happy with things as are and he is too, then as your both adults leave it as it is.
IF however you want to see his home, be a part of his life, then tell him as much, spell it out.
As you have a 10yr old child together your bound for life in one way..
1) Does he have regular access?
2) does he pay maintenance?
3) does the child go to his home and stop overnight?
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