A
male
age
36-40,
*uncanave
writes:It's been 10 days since my boyfriend of two years have stopped talking to me. We never had a fight for this long but the thing is I didn't even expect that he would react this badly to what I did.Basically, my boy and my mom never really got along. In fact, they hate each other...well he really hates her and I do not understand why. I'm stuck in the middle. My mom borrowed money from me and I asked my boy if I could lend her money, he said no, but I still lend her the money because I knew that if I didn't it will completely diminish the little relationship we had left--and I explained that to him.The day he found out that I had taken money from our shared bank account, he stopped talking to me, ignored me like I didn't exist. A few days ago I asked him to tell me what he was feeling. He said that because I disregarded his feelings and made a decision against his will, he will do the same to me. He wants us to stop caring for each other and do our own things. At this point I realized how wrong I was and apologized many times, up to the point where I can't apologize anymore because he doesn't hear it. 2 days ago I told him I can't function like this, that whatever we're doing is very destructive and asked him if he wanted to take a break. He said he doesn't want to say anything or make a decision yet because he might later regret what he'll say. I asked him if he see us together in the future, he said "honestly, i don't know".I cannot function. I have no energy. I don't know what to do. Since that day he is always at work, he's always been a workoholic but now I don't even see him anymore. When he comes home he's so tired he goes straight to bed or to to his computer to go back to his work. It's really hard for me cause I just moved to his hometown and don't know anyone to ask advice or go anywhere if we do take a break.I know I made a huge mistake. And I know he's a great guy. What should I do next? wait? or talk to him again?Suggest a break again-maybe he needs sometime alone?
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male
reader, duncanave +, writes (24 November 2008):
duncanave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice folks, and yes, I realized I was wrong. and I regret it deeply and trying to correct it. there's a lot of gray areas in my situation, that's why I'm asking for constructive advice--not judgment. It looks like most of you think that giving him time is the best answer. I agree, only time can heal this...I guess I'll just have to wait. Thanks folks!
A
male
reader, duncanave +, writes (24 November 2008):
duncanave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer folks. To fade878, I understand it was completely disrespectful but I had no choice. There were a series of events that made them hate each other and I'm not gonna into the details as it would take hours to explain. She couldn't borrow money from anyone, I was the last resort. It was a family emergency overseas. This is the first time she had borrowed money from me and I couldn't refused.
I guess what's bothering me is that after two years of happy relationship, we were loving and caring towards each other, that he could just stop talking to me because of what I did--it's not like I cheated or abandoned him. Is what I did THAT major to cause our break up?
I want to resolve this with him asap but he's not talking. I'm afraid my loneliness will turn into anger. I'm starting to question his love for me if he is willing to give up that easily.
We live together for almost 2 years now btw so it's hard to give him time alone. Reading other people's questions, I don't think a break would be a good idea either as it seems to eventually become a permanent break and it sends the wrong message. Should I continue playing this game and pretend that we don't know each other when we're both at home. Is this giving him "time alone"?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Hi
Just give him time...if you say too much you may push him into a corner. At least you admit you were wrong. I agree with you. You did destroy his trust but a compromise should have been made because you were in a funny position.
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A
female
reader, sarahbert  +, writes (23 November 2008):
Ok, i think that your boyfriend is being quite selfish.Remember that family ALWAYS comes first!So if you have to choose between your mother or your boyfriend, its your mother. If your boyfriend didnt want you to lend money to your own mother, he obvioulsy doesnt care about your feelings and he wants you all to himself. He doesnt care about your mother which doesnt really work or help if your in a relationship.I think you should give him some time alone, meanwhile, work on your relationship with your mum, If he's not back to normal in 2 weeks, tell him you need to break up and look for someone else.Theres plenty more fish in the sea=]
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