A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI just came out of 5 year relationship. it was kind of mutual breakup, he got bored with me and I couldn't take his indifference towards me. I loved him but I guess my love towards him started drying up when I was the only one pulling all the weights and making all the effort to save the relationship. Long story short lost my youghness, my self esteem, money everything with him. He is still happy enjoying life, I'm the one suffering. I don't understand the concept, how come I suffer when I'm the good one and he gets to have a happy life and he is the bad boy. Is there really God, why do good ones has to suffer. Will I ever find my happy ending. From childhood my only dream is to have my own big family, now I don't have kids and I'm too old to even have kids, lost all interest in men, don't have much friends. Feeling v lonely and tired of this life.Not looking for any answers, felt depressed and ranting it out here. Any kind words or some wisdom to get through this life is appreciated. Pls help
View related questions:
depressed, money, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): i dont really understand why he is the bad one and you are the good one going by just what you wrote. you did say it was a mutual breakup.
you're not too old to have a family. try and think of it as an opportunity to find someone that you are more compatible with.
you described your time with him as 5 years wasted so what good would it have been to stay with him any longer? you still have a lot going for you, if you want your dreams go get them.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (2 April 2015):
 It's good that you have ended the relationship. Now you can move on with your life.
As you two are no longer together, so he has every right to find happiness with someone else.
And you do too! So stop feeling so down on yourself, and get out there and start enjoying life. Life's what you make it. If you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, you'll keep feeling miserable. If you set yourself some goals and get out and enjoy yourself again, things will start improving for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): First let me congratulate you on leaving an unhappy relationship and not soldiering on, wasting your life. It is natural that you are feeling low as you put a lot of effort, time and money into it and you feel short changed.I know as I've felt the same but you can come out the other side. Try taking small steps and not looking too far ahead. Concentrate on things that make you happy. I see your aged 30-35 so there is still hope for a family of your own one day.
Over the course if my life l have realised that yes good things can happen to bad people but overall you get out of life what you put into it and as you put a lot into things and your ex didn't then that may well be course both your lives follow.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): Hello. I do empathise. I was married for 19 years and my ex husband left while I was on a UK holiday to visit friends. He just got a solicitor to email me and had left before I returned home - he has never spoken to me again and I knew him for 25 years. The cruelty really knocked me flat. I had no stable income as I worked from home, no car at the time - and as we were renting a house he stopped that immediately and took half the possessions. That was 3 years ago. I am still recovering both financially and emotionally. Some days I am good some days I am angry and turn on myself. He re-married a year after he left (though he had never admitted to seeing someone else) and because he had a huge income and supportive family he is doing really well. I have no real advice other than to take each day as it comes and to be kind to yourself. I took a self-esteem knock but I now realise the problem was that my 'worth' was attached to my relationship and someone else - and not to me. It has taken time to realise that and make strides to turn it around. You can do the same - start with a small positive each day and build from there. For example yesterday I went swimming and loved it - haven't been for years. Sounds minor but I am reconnecting with myself if that makes sense and you can do the same. It kind of strengthens you from within. As for being too old to have children - you really are not and you have time to start fresh with the right person and try again. You are 10 years younger than me (about) and my ex left me childless as he had not wanted them. Gradually you will see your life as an opportunity to do great things and celebrate them. I want to say one last thing which is blunt but I mean it with kindness. If you want to meet someone else then they will be attracted to someone who is happy with themselves (not perfect but ok). Don't let one person ruin any more of your life than they have x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): What do you mean by "bad boy"? Is it what I think it is (i.e. cheating?)
Well,it looked like this to me too. It still does. BUT I know what she has got (and it ain't a prize!)
It's funny coz in my case HE and the other girl went OUT of their way to demonstrate how HAPPY they supposedly were. they might be. They might not be,who knows.
But she was gushing OVER and OVER about the stuff HE did for her (buying her roses before her exam etc.) and when I saw this,I finally (weirdly) felt happy.
Do you know why? I used to get roses too :P
Do you know what I'm trying to say??
She thinks she is getting the "perfect" man by "stealing" him away from me or whatever, he feels like a "winner" BUT what she doesn't know is that in those 5 years and more,I have received all she is about to...
The good and the bad. When will the roses stop for her?
Do you get it now?It might all look dandy on the outside,it doesn't mean it's healthy on the inside.
EVEN IF it is, you have to realise his happiness or unhappiness=it's not your problem any more.
Let him live his life. LIVE YOURS! Concentrate on yourself, take care of yourself,make new friends,make efforts to pull yourself out of the ditch. It ain't easy, but you'll get there!
Remember how hard you worked to make "things work"?Well, why don't you try to work just as hard to make yourself "work",to make yourself happier,better,healthier? You can do it :)
...............................
|
