A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 9 months ago my friend told me that he was attracted to me and I admitted that I had feelings for the guy too but we decided to just stay friends. One night, a few months later, he came over to mine and we had a cuddle and ‘dry humped’ and he said that it could never happen again. This guy has never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl so I just accepted it as I thought it was easier to do things on his terms. He had also told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with a girl before he has sex, which I respect. After that we broke up from college for the summer and my feelings for this guy changed. I decided that I wanted some sort of relationship with this guy so we spoke on the phone a few times and he had at some point been thinking the same but in one phone conversation he said something like ‘I was talking to someone and realised that we just wouldn’t work’. He gave me all these excuses. When I saw him for the first time after the summer, he acted really weird towards me. I asked him to talk to me so that we could clear the air and he basically accused me of being a ‘bunny boiler’ so I decided to stop contacting him for a while but I can’t just not talk to him as we have the same friends. My problem is that I am still attracted to this guy and I’m not sure whether it’s just because he said that we can’t be together. I don’t want to say anything in case he essentially rejects me again. I’m never sure how he feels about me. He told me he didn’t fancy me anymore but I’m not sure how you can just stop finding someone attractive. He phoned me the other night, just to talk but that is something he never does. Normally I have to initiate any conversation we have. I’m just not sure whether I should say something to him or not.
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broke up, never had a girlfriend Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think my problem is that really I know this but don't really want to think about it. Normally I just ignore any feelings and would not even think about saying anything to him but recently I just thought maybe something could still happen as he behaved differently towards me but really I know that I should try to find someone else.
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Letting go of someone you care for is the hardest thing in the world. One-way love is horrible! All of us have been in a situation like that, more times than we would like.
He hasn't had enough life experience yet to be the man you want him to be. You said, you decided to want a relationship... but both people have to agree to that, as you know. He is saying very clearly he isn't ready. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make him ready. He will like you more if you keep your feelings to yourself and stop chasing him.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 He is displaying all the signs of he doesnt want to take it any further with you. I wonder why he thinks you are a bunny boiler. He sounds like he is not interested now, so why would you want to keep at it, is this in your nature and you havent realized it before. It stands out to me that you have no future with him so you must try your best to leave him alone. If he is missing you and wants to rekindle anything, let him make the next move. I hope this helps.
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