A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So, I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. He's wonderful, and I wouldn't change a thing about our relationship but there's one thing he doesn't know about me: I'm bisexual. I've known since I was fourteen, but it just has never really come up in a big way.He has expressed in the past that he doesn't think he could be with someone who is bisexual because he thinks that it somehow makes a person unfaithful (ugh) and I usually don't agree or disagree, I just change the subject. He otherwise has no issue with bisexuality, he just has said he doesn't see himself with someone who is.I don't want to be with anyone else, but I feel guilty not letting him know that part of me. I've only ever dated one girl, but I am still attracted to them. I also feel like I'm being unfaithful to the LGBT community by kind of hiding out.Should I tell him? I don't want him to read too much into it and think I want to date anyone else, regardless of gender, but I hate hiding part of myself.Thanks for reading! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 March 2015):
While it is obviously wrong to judge people in this manner like your boyfriend is doing, why on earth are you with someone who does not trust bisexuals when you ARE a bisexual? After 2 years? Why wait so long to tell him now?
If you ARE a bisexual I think this happens to be an important detail about a partner that the other should know. You may as well tell him now and see how he reacts because the guilt of being dishonest is just going to eat you alive everyday.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): OP here
To answer one person's question: I would not care one bit if my boyfriend was bisexual, and I'm kind of insulted at the question because it insinuates that I wouldn't be okay with it. Oh well.
Anywho,I almost told him just last night but kind of chickened out. I'm still worried that he won't be accepting and it's kind of scary because we live together, our lives are very intertwined and I'm just afraid of messing that all up, but I still hate feeling like I'm lying. I think I will end telling him whenever I find out where my courage has run off to.
Thanks everyone for your responses!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 March 2015):
 People who think like your B/F are certain that "... it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime..."
They delude themselves in to believing something (that people who are bisexual are - effectively - whores!!!)... that is "urban legend", and has no basis in reality.....
Choose if you want to stay with this idjit, or find another B/F (who may, or man NOT, be an idjit)!!!
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2015):
 I am a bisexual woman. I have always been open and honest about it. With my current spouse I am "forsaking all others" including women.
We have a deal if I can play with other women so can he and I do not wish to share and he does not wish to share so we don't share.
Being bisexual does not make one immoral or unethical it just gives us more dating options.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2015):
 Jeeez, so your BF is ignorant.
I have to agree being straight doesn't mean you are more likely to be faithful, and bisexuals more likely to cheat.
I think your BF if ANYTHING don't like the idea that a GIRL could potentially DUMP him for another GIRL.
As for the LGBT "community" I wouldn't worry. What I would worry about is that YOU can't BE you because of a pretty idiotic bias.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): Ok for the gander not for the goose. I could not date a bisexual man could you OP?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 March 2015):
 THANK YOU CHIGIRL! You said it much better than I did!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2015):
 This is ridiculous. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation, not something you "practice" or a lifestyle of choice. It's about who you find physically attractive and that's it. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with morals or ability to stay faithful. The more options does NOT mean less self control.
A cheater is a cheater, whether he be gay, bi or straight. A faithful person is faithful, whether he be gay, bi or straight.
Teach your boyfriend right from wrong in this case and do us all a favour. So that he wont go and spread nasty rumours about bisexuals any longer. Im bisexual too, and Im sick and tired of hearing this "you can't be faithful" BS. I've never cheated in my life, nor do I plan to, and nooooo... Im not just a lesbian in the closet either, like Ive also been accused of.
Embrace your bisexuality as an important part of who you are, not something to be ashamed of.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 March 2015):
He's got a bit of prejudice and homophobia going on. That's a myth that a bisexual equals "amoral" and that they can't help themselves. Someone with principles and integrity wouldn't bother with another attractive person if they are faithful to a partner. I would have asked him if since he was straight, he couldn't help himself if another attractive woman happened to proposition him. Same thing as a bisexual - if you're in love with a man and an attractive woman propositioned you, if you're in love and faithful, you'd turn her down just the same as you would another man.
I wouldn't worry about the LGBT community, but your guy needs a serious re-education, because he's basically accusing a bisexual of having zero self-control and zero morals, as if being bisexual is some sort of hedonistic "lifestyle" instead of a sexual orientation. It *is* a bigoted and homophobic opinion as well as misguided.
Think about it this way - saying that a bisexual can't help themselves from cheating is offensive. Did you know that the mainstream opinion not too long ago was the homosexual males would prey on underage males? I just saw a Youtube video that warns teenage boys away from "predatory" homosexuals! Bisexuals have had to deal with prejudice from both the straight and gay communities (i.e. the silly stereotype that either bisexuals are straight but can't find a guy or that they're gay but too cowardly to let go of old conservative beliefs).
The decision is yours. If you are serious about the guy, you will have to tell him sometime. If he's a quality guy, he'll feel pretty sheepish for popping off at the mouth like he did, and if he's not a quality guy, then you two were never compatible to begin with. I don't think you should hide. Hiding who you are is a miserable life, and you have nothing to be ashamed of by being bisexual, and you're not amoral either, so don't swallow his ignorance for one single second.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 March 2015):
 Maybe a "practicing" bisexual can't be faithful. A lot of people are bisexual but choose to have a heterosexual life. Sociology experts say there are spectrums of sexuality. On one end is 100% straight and the other 100% gay. The majority fall in the middle. Very likely some homophobes are secretly bisexuals themselves. Most people just won't bother with the cultural prejudice and are satisfied with heterosexual relationships alone. You owe nothing to the LGBT community. Bisexual people are capable of being faithful. It's just that he has more people to compete with for your attention. I wish people don't generalize so much. There is a stereotype that bisexuals are the fringe of society. They are hippies. They smoke marijuana and are into alternative lifestyles. I feel though, it's too much of a fuss to bring this up to him, or to break up with him to find a person who understands. You are you. Much more then your sexual orientation. No need to hang it around on your neck for people to see. The most important thing is that you are attracted to your boyfriend and won't be tempted away by anyone outside the relationship.
It all depends on if you can drop the issue and let go, like many had done. It won't work if you keep thinking about it. The worst you could do is get married to him then tell him years later that you had a secret and can't hold it anymore. Either keep this to yourself and convince yourself it's a non issue, or tell the truth if you couldn't.
My dad is a homophobic while my mom accepts people are born the way they are. Their marriage still works out. Occasionally my dad would make disparaging remarks against gays or feminine men but my mom just let him vent. You don't have to agree on everything. It sounds like you are not the type that's quick to argue so that's good.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): I don't think that you should care one bit about the LGBT "community" but mind your interests. Decide what matters to you: volunteering details about your sexuality or your guy? Sometimes these details that are personal can alway be told some other time in the future.
...............................
|
