A
female
age
36-40,
*a89251
writes:me and bf have been together for nearly six years both in twenties.we have been arguing really bad so i went up his house to try and sort it out but we couldn't resolve anything. i ended up going down my girlfriends house and going out clubbling. i hardly ever drink or go out i just needed a release because i have been very stressed with all the arguments. he is very mad that i went out and won't forgive me he said it was disgusting selfish and sick behaviour.He nearly finshed with me over it. He said he dont know how he will ever get over it and he cant look at me. Too be honest im struggling to see what i done wrong i only had a nite out because we were CONSTANTLY arguing. Its not as if i didn't phone him before i went out i would never cheat either. i think hes mad because i left his house without resolving the arguemnt even tho he admitted there was no chance in us resolving the arguemnt that night.we were also having a discussion/arguement the other day. He thinks when i go out with my friends i should ask permission off him. i dont agree with him and now he thinks my morals are wrong, are they?also i think i shud be allowed out once a week for drinks with my friends IF i chose too (not that i would mind, i only go out every couple of months) i see him everyday too. he doesnt agree and said he would never allow it and he would finish it.is he over reacting with everything please help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 February 2012):
 No you don't need to ask permission to go out with your friends. However it is NICE to let him know that you will be going out Friday night with them (or whatever day).
And, IMHO he isn't in a position to be the one that has to approve of how often you see friends.
He sounds like a tool.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2012):
 the other day I told my fiance that I live with:
"i'm going to do taxes with d" (my bestest girlfriend for 20 some odd years) and i ended up having lunch with her and going shopping too... I was gone from before lunch till after dinner....
when I got home I said to him "thank you for letting me have a girls day out" (cause I had spent money on lunch and shopping without "clearing" it with him first (our funds are co-mingled and we BOTH discuss purchases with each other in advance but I did not this time and that was wrong of me)
and his response (with a bit of amusement) was: "like I had a choice???" but what he meant was "of course you should go out with your friends and have your own time and space"... we plan for one or two girls weekends a year for me... so I can just go and get away.
I have dinner with girlfriends about 2 times a month... he really has no friends down here as he moved here to be with me....
I tell you all this to tell you that your bf is OUT OF TOUCH AND OUT OF LINE
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 February 2012):
 These situations are excrutiating to read about.
When a guy treats you this way it is not because he's so madly in love with you he can't bear to be away from you even for a moment. It is because he doesn't think he has what it takes for you to be happy, can't be bothered to even try and doesn't want you to find someone better while you're out on your own.
He crowds you, mentally and physically, because he doesn't want you to have a taste of how great life without him would be.
He's trying to keep you spinning your wheels in perpetual penance. The more time you spend explaining yourself, defending yourself, trying to convince him and work things out the less attention you pay his own misconduct. This tactic is as old as time itself. The best defense is a good offense and all that.
Please, please, please, please get rid of him. He's no good.
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A
female
reader, sa89251 +, writes (18 February 2012):
sa89251 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i'm the one who posted this question. Just wanted to say thank you for your answers so far very helpful! :)
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A
male
reader, need2know4life +, writes (18 February 2012):
When you choice to date some one for this long it's a lot like being married. You should always tell you man what you are up to. He cares about you and loves you. He should know. I think you should always have open trust and communication with each other. He does not control you and I know he does not want too. Some men care to know where there girl is and some don't. Make it easy on your relationship. Just talk to him and let him know where you are. He just wants to know. If you are nice and have nothing to hide. It's easy just tell him and the problem is solved. Remember think about him and how much he cares for you don't be selfish. Don't get upset.
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A
male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Throw him out of your life and enjoy your life ...my dear you can either be with him or you can be happy.. the choice after all is all yours'...its your life and you decide whether you want to stay happy or stressed out because your bf is the synonym of stress.
If you want to have a happy life go up to him and ask him to go to hell..and when you say this you will find him wagging his tail infront of you...i might sound very harsh saying all this...and if you want to stay with your bf take him to a consellor...your bf having a problem with you, with the reasons that you have stated, is not your fault but your bf's problem..people suffer from thinkng small your bf suffers from a small brain..all the best..hope you enjoy your life the way you want without any one's permission.
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite +, writes (18 February 2012):
I don't think you did anything wrong, and that your boyfriend over reacted. You have every right to go out with friends. You shouldn't have to ask permission to go out. In fact, telling you that he wouldn't "allow" you to go out with your friends and that he would finish the relationship is very controlling! I think you and him need to talk about boundaries and what's acceptable/not acceptable in your relationship, and if he still acts this way then it's better for you to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): I'm really sorry to hear that your boyfriend is acting in such a selfish and demeaning way. In any healthy relationship you should have the freedom to make your own decisions, this guy obviously doesn't trust you and feels the need to try and have control of you to help his insecurities as well as to to restrict your social life.Seeing your girlfiends should be something you do regularly without needing permission and he has no right to try and control you!He is most definitely overreacting and you need to make it clear that you are not willing to give up your life and independence to satisfy him! (ofcourse you could choose to do that).You deserve some 'you' time, especially if things are hard and he should understand that. Maybe try and write him a letter explaining how you feel and reinforcing and emphasise the fact that he can trust you, but you do need space and that you should be able to enjoy yourself!Good luck
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Yes, he is.
He has no say what you decide to do in your life, if you want to go out with frinds. Then you do that. If he threatens to finish with you or complains that you need his permission, it may be a good idea to break up with him first as he sounds like he might turn into a control freak.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): Ye, he sounds like a jerk & an a-hole. Controlling, possessive, inconsiderate, immature, & jus dwnright overreacting. A couple needs time to be with friends & express there individuality. Its recommended.&.makes the alone time w u guys more special. I would dump his
ass. effective. Immediately. You can speak to him as well & voice ur concerns. Jus say u think tht u guys should both make rm in ur schedules to meet w ur own friends as often as u two decide. Relationships are abt compromise & other than the fact tht u r a grown ass woman, he should not be able to dictate who & where you should hang out.
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