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He tells them EVERYTHING he does with me!!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 April 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2008)
A female United States age 16-17, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend (same age) and I have been going out for a couple of months now and we're pretty close. Needless to say, he's practically my best friend. And vice versa...or not. You see, we have mutual "girl"friends and we all sorta have this huge group of friends and just people who hang out in lunch together. I find that whenever I'm not around this group..they seem to ALWAYS discuss our (boyfriend's and mine) personal matters..and who's in the middle of it all?

Why, my boyfriend of course!

He tells them EVERYTHING he does with me. From the kissing...to the cheating...he told them that he kissed another girl. Sometimes he asks those friends whether or not I said something about him...or just to get opinions. And I feel like he's not telling me things..and that all those people are just in on this to embarrass me or to think badly of me.

We're NOT sexually active but he makes it seem like we are. Whenever I tell him secrets, he tells those "girlfriends" of his ..and mine too..and they end up asking me. I just don't know what to do about this, I don't think it's fair.

But maybe I'm overreacting..Any advice would be appreciated.

x

View related questions: best friend, kissing

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you to everyone who replied so far! I've been thinking about it and I think I'll tell him. Thank you 17Irish17 for the explanation :]

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A male reader, 17Irish17 United States +, writes (4 April 2008):

This may not be what you want to hear, but...

When I was in highschool, I had a Psychology teacher, who had a Masters in Psych. Because I went to an all boy school, he would discuss topics with us about dating etc.

One thing he said and I still remember it was when a girl likes a guy (at your age), she will tell her closest

friend(s) everything, but if she doesnt like the guy, she will tell them nothing. However if a guy likes a girl, he will say nothing to his closest friend(s), but if he doesnt like her, he will not only tell everything they did together, he may even make a few things up.

Now, I cant speak from the female perspective, but from the male side of the tracks, I have seen it first hand and what my teacher seems to be true.

One other thing, he said it happens that way MOST of the time, not all the time just most of the time.

Hope this helps

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

In case you haven't noticed, this guy falls squarely under the banner of 'D-head'. The types of people who fly that banner are best avoided really.

I've found most Socialites are like this. How do you think they got so popular?

Flynn 24

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A male reader, DoubleM United States + , writes (4 April 2008):

DoubleM agony auntYou are not overreacting, you are being sensible but you have a boyfriend who is apparently a bit of a showoff and braggart. He will share any and all of your personal secrets in order to position himself (in his mind) that he is a great guy and lover so that his chances with other girls are increased because of you. Your decision is whether or not you want this kind of guy. He is very unlikely to change. Think about it.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada + , writes (4 April 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntI hate to tell you this, but this isn't entirely abnormal for the age that you are at now. You are at an age where social skills and maturity may not have evolved as quickly as in other areas in your life, and I'm afraid that your boyfriend isn't one of them! You are going to have to sit him down and explain the fact that your personal involvement is between the two of you alone, and that is what grown adults do. Being a couple means putting yourselves as a couple first, not disclosing everything to every other mutual friend as a point of discussion. You are not overreacting in the slightest. Get him into a quiet corner and read him the riot act. He should put a lid on it.

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