A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I've been seeing this guy for about 5 months now. We have been progressing slowly, but still progressing. We have talked about how we feel about each other, and the all of a sudden he tells me he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. He says he doesn't want to be in one with anyone because there's too much going on in his life right now, but he still wants to hang out and be friends. What's the best way to deal with that? What does that mean anyway? How do I know that's what he really meant? Any advice would be appreciated.Distraught and Confused Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jtaunton5410 +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Wow I am sorry about that. What happend? If it not too personal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so I guess everyone can ignore what I previously wrote....I just became aware of the fact that I have indeed been played. Wow, I feel so stupid. Why I am so retarded? Maybe I should just give up....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so be cool and accept it. I can do that. The hardest part is getting over the fact that I feel like it came from nowhere. When we'd hang out or talk I didn't have a clue. Perhaps I'm naive. I don't know. I do know that he DOES have lots on his plate right now, and I can repsect the fact that being in a relationship is too much to handle right now. I know he told me his hearts wants to be with me, but he just can't do right now. I appreciate all of the feedback I've receive so far. It's helped a lot just to be able to sound off.
So since I've gotten different responses, I'll pose another question about the situation. Do I back off or work on being friends and be patient? I really don't want to lose him, but I know there's not much I can do about it. Such is life I suppose. Anyway, keep the advice coming please!! It helps a ton!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): That just means that he is breaking up with you and he is saying "let's be friends," cause he is trying to let you down gently. "Let's be friends" doesn't really mean "let's be friends." So don't call him and ask him to the movies or call him to tell him about your day. What it does mean is "I don't want to be boyfriend girlfriend." Now whatever the reason this may be just be nonchalant about it. Don't ask questions. Accept it. Be cool. Be strong. And DON'T CALL HIM. Let it go.
If you play your cards right he'll regret it.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (8 August 2007):
Yep, it makes two to make a relationship and if he doesn't feel the same way as you do, then there isn't much you can do. You can talk to him and try to change his mind or see if he can elaborate a little more, but if his mind is made up, you'll just have to try the friends thing and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): I had the same problem. We were hooking up for 4 months utill I finally got him into a relationship. You honestly just have to be patient. Win him over. Show him how determind you are to be with him and that you are a genuine person with a good heart. I think it should work. It did for me. Besides, before my bf was with me he had been in a relationship with a girl for a year and they had casually been hooking up for NINE years. Things take time. Like you said you ARE making progress. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, jtaunton5410 +, writes (8 August 2007):
All you really can do is say "okay". I mean maybe he just doesnt see anything happening with you and he doesnt really see you more than a friend. This way he is letting you down very nicely and slowly. I dont think that he is a bad guy or anything you just have to let him make the choice that he is comfortable with. I mean who knows, maybe after he lets you go, he will start to miss you and want you back. He could also be trying to experiment on ow he feels about you. Just act okay with what his decision is and act like it doesnt bother you.
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