A
female
age
30-35,
*grlygo
writes:About 2 months ago I suspected my boyfriend was cheating.. so I had girlfriend make up a fake name on myspace and email him... saying she liked him and asked if he was in a relationship, he responded by saying he cared for the person he was with but did not love them never had and on and on... when I confronted him with that ( and the fact I found him on dating sites) he denied it. Then later admitted to writing the email and saying it was my fault and violated his privacy. Now he keeps saying how wrong he was and would never do that again and I remind him that he did not love me. He states he just wants to move on. How can I? He lied right to my face over and over on my birthday even. Now he says hes the happiest he has ever been.. and I'm up at night having nightmares about the next time I don't see the Mac truck coming.
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female
reader, cgrlygo + ♥, writes (26 September 2007):
cgrlygo is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think all of the answers were correct! I did violate his space but to me it's justified.. I also found solid proof. No I don't believe he physically cheated but was looking for something better. After this insidint I put up my own dating sites and was fully honest with him.. He since then is not a happy camper. More importantly I feel that I can move on. Whether or not he cheated has become irrelavent, he lied over and over instead of just saying hey I wan't a break.. or I want to date other people intsead of "double dipping". Thanks to all of you for giving me peace of mind that I'm not nuts... he is...lol
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (22 September 2007):
I have to agree with Leanne and RCN. I also agree with UncleTrev's first line. The problem with the rest of his plan is that:
a) I doubt he would fall for it again.
and more importantly
b) If you act on this plan it shows lack of faith on your side. You'll probably be focused on tripping him up and can't have a happy relationship if you're focused on wondering if you should be unhappy and trying too hard to find fault that may not be there.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 there is blame on both sides.
you did violate his privacy, even though you beleive you were justified in doing so, you tricked him and played him and now his pride has taken a battering and he has trust issues with you.
he, stupidly, fell for it. and like every other man (and women), felt flattered to get some attention from a stranger.
just because he has responded to a (set-up)my space girl, does not mean has cheated. he was honest, and i'm sure if you had asked him before becoming a private detecive, he'd have told you the same thing but you didn't give him the chance.
you need to think about whether you can move past this and leave it in the past, put it down to experience and move on, or if your likely to bring it up every time you have a disagreement or misunderstanding. because if you're going to fall back on this every time you argue, the relationship will fall apart because with no trust, there are no foundations.
if you can't move on and let it go, you should end the relationship and try to move on or stay with him and learn to trust him again.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (22 September 2007):
Reading what you have put I don't think this one is going to go the distance.
To re-assure yourself have you thought of getting another of your friends to try the myspace trick again?
If one of your friends tries another approach and goes in slower trickling information out of him little by little then a clearer picture of him will be painted for you to inspect. This time you do not need to tell him of it either and you can with your friend keep it going for a longer period of time if you wish - maybe hurting him back if he falls for your friend too.
I just have a funny feeling that the picture you will see will send you packing on a permanent basis.
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (22 September 2007):
 He played you and sounds like he still is. He lied to you, wouldn't take responsibility for his actions, and blames others for the things he personally does. Those are not good qualities for building a good relationship.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (22 September 2007):
If you had to go through all that just to trip him up, that says trust issue to me even before you found anything out for real. Perhaps you cannot move on, but that is the decision you have to make. But he is right that you did violate his trust with the friend emailing him and so forth. And then he told the truth, you cannot fault him there. But if he has activated profiles on dating sites (are you sure that he's checked him since you've been together?) then you've got him there.
He says he is happy now, but that really doesn't matter, does it? You caught him in some things, and the real question is whether or not you are happy. It doesn't sound like you are. But are you like this with all your boyfriends? You caught this guy, but if you've done similar things to other guys in the past, you might be the one with an issue and not him.
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