| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. He had a previous relationship that was on and off for 7 years. I am completely in love with him, and if he asked, I'd marry him. The problem is that he has been across the country for the past two months. I went to visit, and we had a great time. I told him it was OK to date other people, but anything above a hug was going to hurt me. He came back to visit this weekend and told me that he had slept with his ex. And I was upset and we went over it for several hours. I finally came to the conclusion that I love him too much to let him go, and I agreed to take a break until #1 I could forgive him enough that I won't use it against him. #2 he rebuilds my trust. Today we talked, and I told him that I had gotten some advice from a friend that was different from the "once a cheater always a cheater" advice I've been getting from everyone else. He was immediately angry. He said that he didn't know that what he did was considered "cheating", then said that he was upset and needed to think it out and he would call me later when he wasn't so angry. I don't understand how it could not be cheating...but am I not seeing something here?
View related questions:
a break, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 July 2005):
 No, you're right about this and your boyfriend is wrong.
Sleeping with his ex is cheating, no ifs, ands or buts. He's trying to get off on a technicality, being that they were together for years, but that doesn't wash with me, and it shouldn't with you, either.
I don't buy all the crap that gets bandied around with "once a cheater, always a cheater". Sure, past behaviours can be a window into future ones, but humans are all individuals. So, branding him a cheater doesn't necessarily assure you that this is a lifelong pattern. What it DOES unquestionably show is that his feelings for his ex are stronger than his feelings for you. I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but seriously, if he felt that sleeping with her was no breach of your relationship, then what value did he put on your relationship?
Seven months isn't an awfully long time to be together with someone, so I'd counsel you to consider this a Life Experience and leave him and his Ex to live happily ever after. His having sex with her certainly shows how little respect he has for you.
"Loving him too much to let him go" is just another way to admit that you're afraid to walk away. But, ask yourself: afraid of what? Afraid that you won't find someone else who thinks so little of you that he'd have sex with his ex-girlfriend, them come back to you and be surprised that you were hurt?
Erm... you can do better than this guy!
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (30 July 2005):
 Honey you are seeing clearly. He is just being wrong and strong! When you have sex with someone and have a girlfriend already..it is darn well cheating. A kiss even is cheating. He is being an idiot. And a word of advice from someone who has been cheated on twice...# 1 nothing is wrong with you...men are the weaker sex not women. # 2 YOu may be able to forgive him but you will never forget and that is where the problem lies. YOu will always be reminded of it whenever you see him talking to another girl or something. My advice...kick this loser to the curb...he does not deserve you. And tell him get some glasses so he can see clearly...take care ...ana
...............................
|
