A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do you think there is a way to patch things to kiss and make up, when the relationship has been driven to the wall. I am supposed to have broken up with my boyfriend of two months, but im thinking i should not break anything but to just keep quiet and wait for things to happen on their own, if they should. He is not giving me any attention, he claims to be always busy, but there is clear evidence he is still involved somewhere else. We have only been together for two months but we see each other once a week and we call every 2nd day but live in the same area.I also feel like i have not done anything for him to set up a right mind. I have pushed him away further, by calling him several times to a point where he is not picking up his phone. He switches the phone off or just hangs up when he hears its me calling. I know there is no relationship there anymore, but I am now thinking how things would have been if i never even bothered to call him and take his word.We have not meant since he wrote me a message that reads as follows:"Tried to call you last nite.Just think that I am not ready for the demands of a relationship. Am trying my best out of my busy schedule but you dont see that.Instead of making you feel the way you feel, I think we should just pause and allow myself to finish my studies.I cant study the way you do things and please note that this has nothing to do withhow I feel about you. I love you so much but I cant concentrate on my studies."Could it be that was the end of things or rather a nice way of turning me down. I am tired of having to blame myself when my relationships go wrong, they usually end the same way... please help, guys want to just break things off without knowing the actual person I am and they will do things that evoke my bad side. I am not a rude, possessive person but i like reassuarnce there and there and i feel like im just not cutting it when it comes to the dating game. I am always alone, or in a relationship that only lasts for no longer than 3 months always allowing people who do not have respect for me and try to make them my glorified boyfriends.Could it be I have a psychological problem. When all the people I have dated behave the same way and i have always broke things off for the same things.
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male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Hi Anon. Sorry to hear about your break-up and how it's making you feel.Please don't think that you have a psychological problem just because someone breaks up with you or at the tender age of “20 something”, or you have not been able to have a "long term" relationship. It takes two people to have a relationship; both parties must have the same expectations, goals and be compatible in numerous ways in order for things to work out long term. You can't always work these things out when you first meet someone so you take a risk, sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not. By your style of writing and the content you seem like a pretty together person to me! Probably you're getting too involved or serious too soon and putting too much pressure on the other person so they get scared and pull back or plain and simple it’s just the wrong choice. Next time you meet someone take it real slow, let them chase you and really get to know them and what they want out of the relationship before you commit. Enjoy your youth, have fun, be careful and take it easy. Take care.
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Being in the same situation right now, I can tell you exactly how he is feeling at the moment. He is trying to take care of his goals. When it comes down to it, his studies really have nothing to do with it. When a girl breaks up with a guy, he tries really hard to move on with his life. Breakup is closure, and when you keep messaging him, you're taking away that closure, and putting him into a whole world of uncertainty. The best thing that you can do for him is either get back together with him, or leave him alone completely. You need to not be selfish, and give him time to heal. By repeatedly getting in contact with him after you've dumped him, you're turning the proverbial knife inside of him, over and over, and you're doing much more damage than good.
DV1
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