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He sent me a text about another woman by accident! I'm gutted.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2007)
A female Ireland age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi. im 24 and have been with my boyfriend 2 years. last sat night he had a boys night out. i was at home alone when i got a text message from him saying "she can't be more unreal than you..ha. are you settin me up. ha". He obviously meant to send it to someone else.

I rang him freaking out and sent messages calling all the names under the sun. He ignored me for a whole hour that night while i was at home crying and pacing the whole house. He finally rang giving out saying his friend was using his phone and he meant to send the message to his own girl. he even brought over his friends phone monday but it didnt prove anything.

Tuesday he finally admitted he sent the message. He said it was a girl he used work with that was trying to set him up. he begged for another chance that night. I said no and I havent heard from him since. I'm gutted. Never thought he'd do this in a million years.

Why hasnt he even got in contact for the past 2 days. Do you think there is more to the story.....Is he hiding a guilty conscience???? Surely if he wasnt guilty he would never give up on me.......

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A female reader, little miss helpful United Kingdom +, writes (19 September 2007):

little miss helpful agony aunti think he has got a gulity conciouns and/or he doesnt want to be in the relationship any more other wise he would still be begging. when my friend broke up with her b/f he sat outside her house for 3 days til she toke him back.

this is going to sound harsh but forget him hes not worth it and move on you deserve better then someone who isnt even bothere youve split up!!!!!!!

i hope everything turns out for the best (which it normally does_)

take care hun x

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A male reader, harshbutfair United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2007):

harshbutfair agony auntI think you over-reacted, he tried to cover things up because of your over-reaction.

You told him things were over and he took your word for it. If you think you made the wrong call, you need to get in touch and say you didn't mean it and that you want to work things out.

Rcn and rhythm give great advice on this page.

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A female reader, kindone United States +, writes (14 September 2007):

kindone agony auntif he sent her a message and is not talking to you even though you said it was over if he truly loves you and wanted to be with your he'd fight for you' so be happy that you got that message and take it as a sign that it wasnt meant to be and if he comes back to you dont let him go out with his boys just dont and if he wants to you can go to i there was another girl there then it wasn't just the boys and take his phone in front of him or while hes in the shower and start deleting his numbers so what if hes mad he don't need to be talking to other females if hes with you anyways.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (14 September 2007):

rcn agony auntHe may not have given up on you, it sounds like you gave up on him. He asked for another change, and you said "No". If you called me every name there is to be called, I'd be reluctant to contact you too. The problem is, you did so before hearing his side of the story. That says, If you're going to blame me before hearing my side, then the trust wasn't there in the first place. A good piece of advice, don't say anything unless you want it to happen. You don't know, if by saying no, he's not contacting you because you said it was over. I've found from the past, all though not the same circumstances, when someone says they don't want to work it out, their being truthful, and if there was any chance of working it out overly contacting the person too much lessens that chance.

As for myself, I have a personality that gets right to the point. I don't beat around bushes to get there (waste of time). I don't stretch truths, or stories. I like the facts and it drives me nuts when talking to someone and it takes 2 minutes to get to a 5 second fact. That's 1 minute 55 seconds wasted.

He might be looking at it from your end as being over, and doesn't want to challenge that. He could also be simply waiting for you to calm down, so you can talk without the excessive name calling. I'm not condoning what he did. But with the name calling and anger. If you do make contact with him, I'd rehearse what to say first, to cut back on the possibility of ruining your intentions.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007):

I am missing something here, his text message doesn't really say anything or indicate that he is speaking to a girl he is interested in seeing....but perhaps a friendly exchange between two friends about another girl, and he was kidding about the whole thing and being set up with her.

This seems like a really flimsy excuse to accuse him of cheating, unless there have been many other signs I think you are overreacting.

Two days without contact does not indicate to me that he has given up on have made it clear that you are angry and you wouldn't listen to his explanation or accept it, you don't trust him. If that is the case then you need to determine if he is not trustworthy or if this merely hurt your feelings for some reason. And he is staying away because he feels unfairly judged, or he is giving you time to cool off and miss him.

Are you wanting a commitment of marriage and you are not getting it? Do you feel you are wasting your time with this guy? Is he immature and parties with his friends all of the time instead of spending time with you? Dig a little and get at the core issues of your relationship that are bothering you or are not working, and don't blame the failure of your relationship on one stupid text message.....I would try to have a calm discussion about your needs and what he can do to meet them and vice versa.

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (14 September 2007):

Basschick agony auntHe's guilty. And he was letting a friend set him up with another girl. You gave him his walking papers. It may be killing you, but you did the right thing. He's a player. He hasn't contacted you because he was planning on cheating on you anyhow. You finally gave him his freedom, something he was obviously wanting. At least he fessed up, instead of carrying on that charade about his friend's phone. Be strong. Don't call him. Don't text him. And everytime you start missing him, remind yourself that he was cheating. The only reason he's out of your life is because he got caught and you kicked him to the curb. Otherwsie, you could've carried on, thinking he loved you, all the while he was meeting up with someone else behind your back.

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