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He sees me only for casual sex and I care about him a lot! How do I deal with this?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 May 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 10 May 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I feel so lonely...

I have great friends,I am surrounded by great people but I feel so low.

I found out the guy I was seeing only sees me as someone for casual sex, and I know for a fact that he is sleeping around.

There are 2 other guys who I know like me, but they just arent this guy (the one I mentioned above) I like him so so very much, and even lost my v to him.

I feel so ugly, and I feel like I cant tell anyone about this (because my friends warned about the guy)

When I am with him I am so very happy, and then it will come to the point where he will promise to come round, he wont and he'll ignore my calls and I feel so horrible.

I hate this feeling, I feel so low and I dont know what to do. I dont see the point of ever getting out of bed anymore

help?!

(ps, I know you are all going to say block him from your life, but I cant not be friends with him...does that make sense?)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

OP I was in your same situation a few years ago! It is hard and I know you love him but let him go. I promise you will save yourself a huge heartbreak. He will eventually find a woman he wants to be with and he won't want you around anymore. You may think you will never get over this guy but you will eventually. You just need to go out and meet new guys. Have fun and try and forget about this guy.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (10 May 2010):

Well then keep being his "friend" and allowing him to use you for sex so you can continue to feel like shit about yourself. Is that the answer you want? Get a backbone first and deal with it...you lend him money and do whatever he wants. You're extremely easy and you allow him to talk advantage of you, that's why he does it. Sorry, but it's the truth. You allow it to happen, you allow him to take advantage of your kindness and your weakness and so he does. That doesn't make him a very nice guy and you should have a little more respect for yourself. Always remember that people won't respect you until you respect yourself.

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A female reader, RNMeritt United States +, writes (10 May 2010):

Sweetie, you HAVE to force yourself to forget this guy. He does not care about you. He is only using you for sex. You need to understand this point: Men use "love" to get sex from women and women use "sex" to try to get love from men. Men are much more successful at making women think they love them and women give in to sex with men, thinking they have found the man who will love them forever. If a man doesn't want to marry you, you can bet he only wants you for sex, most of the time (not always, there are always exceptions, not all men are alike). You want love from him and you thought if you gave him sex he would love you. He wants sex from you so he told you he is going to be around ("love" you). I know this is painful to hear, but it is true. Learn this lesson well - and teach it to your own daughter and/or nieces one day. He does not love you. To forget him, you have to push the thought of him out of your mind every single time he enters your mind - which will be nearly every minute of every day for a while but with time, you will realize you are thinking of him less and less. You cannot allow yourself to go any place where you know you are likely to run into him. Avoid him completely. Do not answer his calls, do not let him in your home, do not have sex with him again, do not believe anything he says about loving you - because he does not love you. Block his calls, texts, etc. Do everything you can to wipe him from your life. One day you will be able to see him and it not have an effect on you but it could take years, decades even, depending on whether you love him or not. You may, hopefully, only be infatuated with him. You have other guys who like you. They may not be the right guys for you, but just the fact that they like you should help you understand that you are a lovable and deserving woman. If you find it hard to get out of bed, if you find yourself crying often, or sleeping a lot or not being able to sleep, go see a doctor immediately and tell him all about this. A painful relationship (although your "relationship" with this guy is really nonexistent except that you will let him have sex with you), and/or the painful breakup of a relationship hurts terribly. There is nothing so painful as heartbreak. I went through something similar and I left my hometown for 2 years just to be able to keep myself from being tempted into seeing the guy again. Almost 30 years later, I am glad I did and I am still alive to tell the story. But do NOT suffer with depression. Be strong and seek medical help (your general physician should be enough to begin with) for depression. You probably do not need psychiatric attention. You sound smart. You knew the answers to your questions even before you asked. You were just hoping someone would tell you what you want to hear. Love yourself enough to dump this creep and forgive yourself for having sex with him. It is his loss - but don't make the same mistake again. Save your body for the man you know you are going to marry.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (10 May 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntHe is a Casanova and he spins his charms all over you . If you want to learn life lesson's the hard way ,be my guest.

Hope you will enjoy the emotional roller coaster.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (10 May 2010):

Danielepew agony auntSometimes we love somebody and that somebody doesn't love us the same way. We need to accept that and move on. Otherwise, you just extend your agony.

I also wouldn't recommend that you let anyone use you for casual sex. You deserve a lot more than that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you very much for your answers..

its just..im so confused and cut up.

Basically, when we started seeing each other he told he he was single...it was great, he even brought me a lovely gift in the first week of seeing him..then it turns out he had a gf and was sleeping with another girl

then the other week we had a bit of a showdown where he admitted that he was still sleeping around. He himself asked me why i cared so much-saying that he wasnt as good as I had made out...

I feel so horrible, blaming myself for taking him back after i had found out..Im so good to him, im so nice always making sure he has eaten etc (we're both at uni together) iv lent him money...i care when no one else does..i just dont understand and its really affecting me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

You are being used and you are liking it. Most guys, including this player you're sleeping with, find this very unattractive. You are demonstrating that you're f*ck-buddy material but you're not GF material.

Eventually you will stop liking this enough to actually change something. But right now you aren't unhappy enough yet.

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A male reader, EDLion Brunei Darussalam +, writes (9 May 2010):

EDLion agony auntDoesn't make sense at all............. Why not? It'll be much better for you if that dipsht just disappear from your life.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (9 May 2010):

Well if you don't block this man from you're life, you're in for a real rough ride. Because at some point he is going to meet a woman who he does love and that will be it. That's what players do. They use, then when the find the One, they dump the rest. You are allowing yourself to be used, and that is why you feel bad. It's not about fancying him. People can fancy people, but they don't end up feeling this bad. Every time he uses you, or promises something and he doesn't deliver, you end up feeling abused, neglected and you lose a certain amount of self respect. You've clearly taken a lot, because now rather than seeing him as the problem, you're seeing him as the solution. You need to understand that he is the problem here. And when you have a problem you have to deal with it. He sleeps around with other girls, so it's safe to say that you and all these others aren't ugly or anything like that, so there's no need to feel so low. He is a user of women, and you must stop this now. You know other guys are interested. No, they're not this guy, but then this guy isn't as great as you think he is or he'd be committed. A lot of women waste so much time on men who aren't bothered, and then end up hurt and wonder why. You're going down that route very quickly. At some point, he will meet a girl who he does want. And at that point you're going to get cut. So you might as well stop believe he'll suddenly change and cut him yourself. If you don't, then good luck when he does dump you. You want to end the problem, then end it with him.

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