New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

He seemed so into me but now he just wants to be friends...

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 February 2010)
A female Ireland, anonymous writes:

Hey,

This is just a really strange one, and I'm at my wits end, I can't do this anymore...

Five months ago I met this guy through work, we both work for the same company, I work in retail and he works in one of our support teams. We bonded, and exchanged email, and it turned out he lived quite near to me, and he ended up really trying to woo me.. He asked if he could come to mine for coffee some night, and he did.. We got on really well, and the second time he came up we made out and did other stuff, and OH MY GOD... The man can kiss.

Afterwards, things seemed to be going well, he took me out for dinner, got up early on a Sunday morning to drop me to work.. All this sweet stuff, but the kissing stopped and when I asked him why he said he wanted to be 'just friends, for now'.

That was four months ago, and very little has changed, except we've grown closer, he has met all my mates, (who approve) he calls me every night and emails me every day in work.. His friend died at the start of November, and I was one of the first people he called, and the cried his eyes out down the phone to me. I really really really like him now, and it's actually killing me... He came out for my birthday, bought me a Pandora bracelet for Christmas, took me Christmas shopping at 1am and bought me more stuff! a

I don't know what's going on in his head, I don't know how to handle this, so please please can somebody give me advice! I'm too shy to ask him again, and I don't know how I would cope if we got distant with each other.. What should I do?

View related questions: christmas, kissing, shy

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

i went through the same situation, when i told him everything i felt he told me that he loved me as a friend but there was no 'spark' because he is gay!

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (8 February 2010):

Griffo agony auntLay it out straight with him. tell him how you feel as you did here and then say: "Be with me or don't be with me, I'm not interested in being friends anymore, I want to take the next step and you to be with me as a lover, so what's it going to be? with me? or not with me?"

After that if he does not want to be with you, you have the choice to walk away and find a better man, who has the confidence to make a simple decision. Or stay with him and be lost with his mind wasting your own time when you could be with a great guy. or, it will work out and you will be together.

Just make sure you know exactly what you want out of this.

Cheers.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

You really can't do anything. You can't change his mind, so the key here is acceptance of what you share with him. Sounds like a special friendship and that in itself, is awesome! There could a lot of reasons why he doesn't want to take this further. We don't know why. But to guess: 1) he's grieving the loss of his Dad/family committments 2) or he's been hurt in the past and is afraid of a love committment or 3) or he just simply doesn't find you dating potential but cares about you as a endearing, good friend...plain and simple. There is nothing more you can do. It appears he really respects and he trusts you, completely. That's great. Friends can share qualities in each other and never take their relationship into the romance realm. And some friends do. However, if he has made no further moves on you, then all he wants is strictly a platonic friendship, at this time. I say that, because I do think a lot of men do have this tendency to see the world and the female form in more sexual terms, than women do with male friends. I have seen many men, swear they only wanted friendship but really wanted a lot more. But he's not wanting more, is he. You came right out and asked him why he no longer shows physical intimacy (kissing)and he told you why. He was upfront and you have to accept that. You can't make him like you in any way more, than what he's prepared to be giving you, right now. Maybe it's just in the cards that it's meant to be that you both remain good friends. Don't let him be your only option as far as boyfriends, and romance goes. Accept that this is all he wants and get out and start dating other people! Don't waste another moment. Be friends with him, but let's keep all this perspective and don't put all your eggs in one basket. You have one life..be positive and seek your own happiness. Get out there and enjoy the romantic attentions of other people. Best of luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "He seemed so into me but now he just wants to be friends..."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312751000019489!