A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I seen some text messages on my partners phone which indicate he trying to meet someone for sex but she turns him down when I confront him he pleads with me and begs me to stay saying its only messages and he regrets it. Now we been together 5 yrs and have 2 young girls I just don't no what to do
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (29 August 2011):
I agree with other respondants, I would consider this cheating and you should deal with it appropriately. This means working to repair the relationship, and the breach of trust this would have caused, or possibly ending the relationship. If there is love in your relationship, I would suggest it is something that you could work through, and is probably worth trying. Through working at it, you will come to know if it is salvagable or not.
A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (28 August 2011):
What he is doing is wrong and his actions would have destroyed your trust in him, has he ever cheated in the past? Has he sent texts flirting or like these in the past?If the answer is yes then this is a serial cheater and i would say it is time to give up on this relationship because this is not one little mistake (not that I condone any cheating) this is a repetitive situation and he simply hasn't learnt his lesson and he is making a fool out of your relations, trust and family. If this is the first time you have been put in this situation with him and if you think you want to resolve this and stay together then you need to sit him down and ask him why he felt he needed to cheat, why he sent the text messages, and if he does it again then he needs to understand that you will leave and there are no second chances. If you keep going back he will know he can keep getting away with it and you will be stuck feeling this way over and over again never being able to trust the man you are with and this will ultimately have an effect on the children. I wish you all the best in the future and I hope you choose the right path for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 I would take it a step further and say that he already *is* cheating on you. Cheating starts before the sex act. His solicitation is already grounds for breakup. Had she not turned him down (and good for her!), he would have gone through with it.
I agree, you two need to have a long truthful talk with each other. If necessary, maybe adding a trusted neutral person or a counselor might help get past the "same argument circles" that couples tend to fall into whenever a confrontation arises.
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A
female
reader, Heartbroken77 +, writes (28 August 2011):
No thats cheating what he is doing. Tell me, if you put yourself in his situation and you text message a girl for sex. How much love do you think you would have for your partner to even think about cheating on her?Clearly you never ever imagined cheating on him because you know how much you love and respect him. Then why couldn't he do that same IF he loved you the same?Regardless if it is online or texting or whatever, cheating is cheating, I wonder how he got her phone number in the first place, you don't think he is going online either? I feel for you, you have 2 girls, it is an extremely tough situation because of the heartache. Like I said cheating is cheating, don't let your girls think that it is normal to be cheated upon too when they get older. I have 2 girls also and I understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): They're not "only" text messages. He's trying to cheat on you, if he hasn't already. You need to talk to him about it like an adult.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): what would have happened if the woman agreed? Would he have physically cheated on you?
To me, texting with the intention to act on it is still cheating in my eyes.
The question is, can you continue to be with a cheater, and put it behind you?
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