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He says that showing him my sex organs is the sign of true love!

Tagged as: Online dating, Pornography, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2018) 10 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2018)
A female India age 18-21, anonymous writes:

i am in a long distance relationship for almost 5 months. now he is forcing me to show my sex organs. he says that this is the sign of true love. if i don't, that means i don't trust him. he even told me that from next year on, when i will stay in a hostel, he will call me and i have to go there for having sex. if not, i have to marry him as soon as possible. but i want to make my career fist. i wanted 4 years. i don't wanna have sex before marriage. he tells me that he can give me 40 years but for that i have to go to him to satisfy him when his lust is not in control. otherwise i must marry him immediately. i said no and then he told me "what will i do now if i want to be yours but you don't wanna be mine". he says sorry at the moment but the next day he repeats the thing. he is good in the rest things. he supports me in all way. i love him very much but i don't know is it really love or attraction or lust. he is 7 years older than me. he tells me that i don't understand him and don't trust him. he lost his parents at a early age and has none. he was in a dark phase of life and willing to end his life. so i hold his hands. he tells me i am his life and everything. if i leave him, he will now kill himself. what should i do please suggest. i really need an advice.

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A male reader, Hemant Agrawal India +, writes (15 August 2018):

I love a girl too......and definitely asking her to show her intimate parts are not sign of true love.....True love can't be defined it's a feeling........The definition of trust of this guy is wrong......Please stay away........He will just mis-use you and will go away.....He wants to fulfill his lust and don't even respect to your thoughts or wishes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

Stay away from this man. Please don’t show him your body or send him photographs. He will not kill him self - he is blackmailing you. Stay away from him. He will post any pictures you send him online, or blackmail you with them. If you meet him he will probably rape you. Stay away from him and find a man that loves you and respects you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

I promise you that if you send him those kinds of pics they will be all over the internet in no time.This is not a relationship.He is a predator.I am sorry if that hurts but it is better to learn that now then have your friends and parents say hey what is up with thease pics of you online?And yes I am afraid if you go visit him he will rape you or sell you off to the highest bidder.. sadly it happens alot.

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (13 August 2018):

fishdish agony auntI think you're here because you need to be empowered to get out of this. None of this is good. What he's suggesting is no consideration of your boundaries, of your values, or of any kind of respect for you. I get the sense he is going to rape you. He believes he can take what is his, and he believes that's your body. If you don't trust us strangers to tell you, then report it all to your parents. You are young enough that they will protect you and set you straight. You are going to put yourself in a lot of physical and sexual danger. His telling you--or your assumption--that he will kill himself if he's not with you shows he still hasn't worked out a lot of trauma/baggage. THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM, AND THAT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. He needs PROFESSIONAL HELP. Get away from him TODAY.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (12 August 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntAlso, men can absolutely control their lust and sex drive. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to get you to have sex with them or show parts of yourself to them.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (12 August 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntHe’s just manipulating you. Don’t show him any part of your body that you would not show a male family member. People who love you to not act like this. You should break up with him and it’s unlikely that he’ll kill himself over it because he is just trying to control you.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (12 August 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt And what aboir HIs sign of true love to you ?

As a sign of his true love, he should stop pestering you for things that you are not willing or not ready to do. He should stop insisting to have sex with you before marriage, or to get married now when you say thhat you want to finish your studies first.

Why has it got to be all about him and what he wants ,likes and prefers ?

What about you ?

This guy sounds like a filthy , unbalanced , disgusting creep anyway, - but even if he were the sweetest, kindest man on hearth,- OP, let's use some basic logic and you'll see this is not a match and you are wasring toir time with him.

So : you ant to marry as a virgin. Ok, fine, it's an Indian thing, I respect that. But he does not ! He does not care about your values, he only cares about getting laid !

On the other hand, you, very wisely, do not want to marry right now ( which he says he would do ), you realize that you are too yoing and you have other things to do, and won't be ready for marriage before at least 4 years .

Well ? Does he sound like someone who is willing to wait 4 years ^ does he sound like someone who would do this sacrifice for you ?

Heck no ! He would just pester and emotionally blackmail you until he has worn out your defences, - and I don't put past him that he would take you by force, that he would rape you, should he be given half a chance , in terms of peivacy and time, to do that. He totallu soinds like the kind of sick bastard that could do that.

Note that I agree that 4 uears are a long time to wait, for a young healthy man, and I would not blame him for not being willing to wait if only he were less slimy and manupulative about it.

But eventually , it boils down to this : you want to keep your virginity for at least 4 more years.

He wants yoi to keep for , possibly, 4 more weeks, or days or hours.

Well, this is a huge difference bryween your wants and needs and his , isn't it ?

And since no compromise seems possible, why don't you just start caring about what YOU want and need ? Why don't you go after YOUR plans and dreams ?

Because otherwise he's going to kill himself ?... Oh no he won't. You can bet on that. Come on, can't you see how ridicolous this sound ? I bet even his best friends would have a laugh at his funeral " Imagine, the poor blighter killed himself because his gf did not let him f..k her " " He terminated his life because he could not jerk off watching nude pics ".

I guess you'll say, oh no, he would kill himself because he hast lost me , if I dump him, and he loves me so much that can't handle life without me "... Yeah right. He loves you so much….. that he can't stop asking you for naughty pics when he knows that this makes you unhappy !

OP, this is not about love, this is about winning, and having the upper hand , and getting things his way- the opposite of love. He sounds too slick for you, or, viceversa, you sound too naive for him- some times an age difference of seven years can be too much, and I think this is the case.

Don't let yourself be fooled and manipulated , and only think of yourself and if what is good for you. Which cannot be indulging the whims of a guy who is only in love with his cock- not with you !

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 August 2018):

N91 agony auntHe sounds like an absolute creep.

He wants you to send nudes and is doing everything he can to get into your underwear. He is trying to manipulate you by bringing up suicide. If he has depression then he needs to get psychiatric help for that, it is not your job to fix that by sending naked pictures.

Block him and find someone that actually loves you. Not just says anything to get you into bed.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntOh sweetheart, you KNOW this is not right, otherwise you would not be writing and asking for advice.

NEVER do ANYTHING you do not WANT to do. NEVER let ANYONE blackmail you into doing something you do not WANT to do. NEVER let ANYONE order you to do something you do not want to do.

This man MAY be supportive in some ways but that is all part of his bigger plan. He will give you a LITTLE so that you believe you owe him EVERYTHING.

YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. Keep reminding yourself of that.

He sound like very bad news (and I suspect you are already starting to suspect this). Anyone who blackmails you into doing things by threatening to kill themselves if you do not do what they want is NOT a person to be trusted.

I hope you have the strength to realize you are worth so much better than this. Stick to what you WANT from life and get away from this man. He is no good for you or for anyone else. And NEVER send ANYONE pictures you would not want to become public.

Good luck. You are worth better than this.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntOP, he sounds like a total ASSHAT! He is trying to manipulate and control you.

No, you don't OWE him to show him your genitals.

No, you don't have to meet up at a hotel and give him sex.

No, you don't have to MARRY him if you are not ready for marriage.

No, he won't kill himself if you leave him. That is just another layer of his manipulation. If he wants to kill himself there is NOTHING you can do to prevent this.

OP, GO have a talk with your parents. Tell them what you have told us, I want to BET they will tell you to drop him from your life.

If you were my daughter, (and I have 3 daughters ) I would tell you to CUT all contact and NEVER speak to him again. Why? Because no matter WHAT you do, he will try and control and manipulate you. Now and later on if you marry him. He isn't a healthy person.

You are so young to have to deal with this. You are supposed to LIVE your life, ENJOY your life, find your goals for the future, finish your education, have a career, maybe travel, maybe make something of yourself. NOT BE SOME SICK MAN'S "sex slave".

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