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female
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anonymous
writes: The art of Male speech..I was just wondering if anyone knows why men seems to say one thing and mean another..for example my ex has a habit of saying things to me which i simply do not understand.Also, because of the fact that he was my first boyfriend and first real experience of having a relationhip i feel this is maybe why i do not understand the things he says..He keeps telling me that he does not want to be with me at the moment but we'll see how it goes..? In addition, he still says he loves me and when i pick him up on it he makes out like he has sais something completely different - almost to pretend.He is different with me when we are on our own to how he is when we are with our mutual friends..when we are together on our own it is kind of how it was when we were together you know we get on and have our little couple quirks, act the way we were when we were together.I am really worried because i still love him and don't want to be taken advantage if but i feel that in reality i might be..Does it sound like he is confused..Can anyone who has had relationship expereince help me understand?
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (3 November 2005):
 Missbunburry gives you good advice and I agree. It sounds like you have yourself a very selfish, immature bf there, hun. Lying and playing hurtful 'mindgames' can become a nasty habit. Sometimes people will do this for no reason at all and I consider it is a "ugly" character defect. In relationships, it is important to watch their behaviors and listen to what they say. He sounds immature and if he's acting different with friends than when you are alone, that's a good indicator, he's not mature enough to conduct a love relationship with a girl. A healthy, good relationship consists of keeping you first in his thoughts and showing it. Long talks, dates, and more talk. If you find yourself more confused and am enjoying the relationship, anymore then consider walking away. If your bf keeps this up, tell him to hit the road. Find a guy who treats you better than this and I have to ask..do you really love him? Good luck
A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (3 November 2005):
 To be honest, it sounds like this guy is playing with you. He tells you he doesn't want to be with you at the moment, but he's trying to make sure that he keeps you dangling, just in case nothing better comes along. He doesn't want to be couply in public, so as not to minimise his chances of getting it on with someone else. He tells you he still loves you to make sure you stay interested, but then when you try and get more out of him, he doesn't want to discuss it - this is because he's lying about those feelings. I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I've been in this situation myself (as have sooooo many other girls!) and I can tell you now that when he does find someone else, which he probably will, it'll rip you apart. He's just keeping his options open, it's something men do. You need to forget about him and move on yourself. The key to this (as you share a group of friends) is to stop spending time alone with him. Don't call him (I bet it's you who does the calling, isn't it?) and don't talk to him about the relationship you had in the past. You're bound to feel lost without him, as he was your first, but there will be other men and they'll be people who are more mature and don't play silly games. Stop letting yourself be manipulated by this selfish young man, and get out there and have some fun with your friends.
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A
female
reader, babyjessieb +, writes (3 November 2005):
Sounds like a wild goose chase. I've had a similar experience. Honestly this is a classical case of he's embarrased, seems a bit childish, insecure, dominating perhaps. Keep in mind that you said he acts different when your around "mutual friends". He may have a bet goin around with his buddies to see how much he can make you squirm, or how "far you'll go". Embarrased comes to mind though. He acts like hes wants you when your alone, but in public where people can see you both together he isn't the same. Now not to say hes embarrased of you, hes probaly to embarrased for his buddies to see him all lovey dovey. Men try to be Macho for one another basically they show off. Talk to him and get a VERY GOOD reason for acting this way. If you really want to get with this guy play hard to get, alot of men love that. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): NO we can't help you understand. He is either confused or playing games with you. He is your ex for a reason. Drop him and get on with your life. You don't need to be seeing a guy who refuses to be direct, and say what he means. A guy who says and does things with you in private, but acts and talks differently in public is not to be trusted. Don't.
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