A
female
age
36-40,
*eowMix86
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost six months now. As with every relationship, there comes a time when the exs become a necessary discussion. Its been almost over a year since his previous relationship. Heres what he told me at first:He dated a woman in college who was studying in America from Japan. He had been with her for two years...most of it a long distance relationship on the phone after graduation when she had to leave for Japan. Eventually they came to an understanding that they weren't right for each other and that he was not going to live in Japan and she was not going to move here. End of story. He had moved on although he talked to her regularily every week as a "Friend".Heres what I found out from him recently:He dated her for two years and then her visa expired they kept dating on the phone for a year and a half after she left. In total they dated for 3 1/2 years. Visiting each other only a couple of times. Although she left after two years they weren't ready to call it quits on their relationship. So with hopes of her staying, he proposed to her. They never set a date, or exchanged rings...just kinda made a promise to one day wed. He said he tried everything to stay with her but in the end their relationship dwindled...So heres where I present my dilemma now that you've got a back story.I don't know how to feel when he tells me that he believes that in these short months, he has grown to feel closer and love me more than anyone before. He says he feels this way because I bring out more sides of him and understand him better than anyone in his life right now. He has done alot to show how much he cares and I feel in my heart that he loves me. Now he tells me he wants to some day pursue marriage with me because he feels I am "the one" and that his past experience only makes him more sure of me and his feelings. True he hadn't met me yet, but How can I believe him when he might have said all this before to another girl? How can I possibly be closer to him in more ways than someone he was with for 3 1/2 years?! I don't believe he is lying because he has quit honest thus far...help me out here! Am I making too big a deal here?!Sorry Its long, but Im going crazy because I've so much on my mind!
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MeowMix86 +, writes (8 August 2007):
MeowMix86 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Wow, thank you very much, LauraE. You are absolutely right. I do have many insecurities because I have been wronged in previous relationships...in fact, my first love cheated on me with my best friend, and I went to her crying when he broke up with me after two years only to find out he had been there the night before. But my current boyfriend, he understands my insecurites...and encourages me to talk openly about them...I just can't seem to control my own doubts and they get the best of me. But I feel confident that I must enjoy our relationship for what it is and not what it could be. Thank you again for your insight and understanding.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (7 August 2007):
Hi,
There is no reason why he can’t love you totally after 6 months. That doesn’t mean you should be making a dash for the altar just yet of course. But it’s long enough for him to know that you are someone very special. Are you the kind of person that looks for the down-side of every situation rather than enjoying the good times to the full? I wonder, because the way you describe your boyfriend, he loves you to bits and hasn’t put a foot wrong. Maybe his relationship with his Japanese girlfriend could have worked out if they had stayed together, maybe it couldn’t. Certainly, the best way to know that a person is “the one”, is when you thought you were in love before, but this time it’s different. If she was his first love, he had nothing to compare that relationship with, so of course it seemed like a really big thing to him at the time. He couldn’t have known any better then , but now he does. If he is certain that this time it’s different, deeper, more permanent, why disbelieve him? You have said that he is an honest person. It looks like you are looking for reasons to doubt him. Maybe you lack some confidence in yourself after previous hurts? The hard fact is that in order to love and be loved, we have to lay ourselves open to be wrong and to be hurt. By allowing yourself to believe what he has said to you, you would be taking a risk with your feelings. But after all, we either take the risk, or end up alone and lonely anyway. After what you have said about him. I really do think that the odds are stacked in your favour. Stop over-analysing your relationship and enjoy yourself. Let whatever happens, happen.
...............................
|
