A
female
age
51-59,
*rizona
writes:I've been dating a 52 year old (i'm 43) for 2 months, today he emailed me, he says: I scare him because it seems I'm pushing for a commitment and he's not ready for that right now.How do I respond to that?????? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, arizona +, writes (24 October 2008):
arizona is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, I think I have decided not to honor the email with a response. I called him last night (because I said I would) to let him know if I would be coming to the family get-together he invited me to. (I have known and am friends with his brother for many years.)
I have also decided that I am not calling or emailing him anymore unless he asks me to call him. So he comes to my house last night to visit (I thought) but he wanted to spend the night, so I let him. (But we just slept and cuddled all night) He gives me these mixed signals, so I am not going to initiate contact anymore, he knows where to find me. So this morning he said to call him when I get off work to see what he's doing. I will never understand men. But I do know this, it's been years since I have felt these kinds of feelings for a man so I am not prepared to walk away....
A
female
reader, bexdafattybumbum  +, writes (23 October 2008):
From the way you describe it, it seems that you have not directly asked him or triggerd him to make a commitment. Nevertheless, it may be that u=you have unintentionally or subconciously done something for him to have reacted this way. Also, he has communicated this by email, rather than in person, which could mean he's too scared to talk to you in person. Another thing to consider is do you actually want a commmitment from this guy yet, or has he simply misunderstood you? If you do, then now is the time to work on your communication skills as this problem may come up in the future. For your own satisfaction, you could arrange to talk to him in person in a calm, controlled environment. If this is too much for him, then you could converge to his method and email him. The main thing is though that you get to the root of why he thinks you want a commitment, and why he's so scared of, but at the same time remaining understanding so he'll open up to you. If it turns out you do want to try to work towards a commitment, then talk to him and try to make tiny steps to help to alleviate his fears. Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 October 2008):
 You say "okay, no problem. I just really enjoy your company and I look forward to enjoying it again (insert the next time you're seeing him here)"
Two months is not terribly long in a relationship and maybe he is a little overwhelmed by you if you are pushing for a committed relationship together. Just enjoy his company for another month or two and then you can start talking about the future. As Danielle mentioned, he may have had some crummy relationships in the past and he needs to take things slow this time around.
I think 4-6 months is the best time to really ask the questions about where the relationship is going and ask for a real commitment.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Give him time to realise what he want's he may have had bad relation ships in the past and is scared of getting hurt all over again, tell him the way you feel and let him have time to think.
Good luck hun x
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