A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please can someone help me. I lost a baby 4 weeks ago and would be due to have my dating scan today. Since then my boyfriend has walked out on me and his parents have said it was a good thing that our baby died, as they would of made sure i had the child taken off me and put into care because i come from a rather rough family.Ive suffered depression for years and when i meet my ex, everythigng changed. But then he turned on me when he got kicked out of uni for not showing up and blamed me cos he missed me.Then we got back together and i fell pregnant. I wasnt on the pill and he refused to wear a condom, so i guess we knew it might happen. He broke up with me days after i found out i was pregnant, and then when i was lost it he refused to visit me. But he's constantly saying he loves me and wants me, but he's not allowed to be happy. I dont know what to do or think!!! It's making me so depressed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): im just gonna take a wild guess here, and it may be far from the actuality...but my guess is that he is under pressure from his family. He may be obligated financially to them and if that is the case, they have leverage at this point. The best thing for you to do is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and undergo a determined, "i will overcome my roots" campaign. for your own benefit. you are not doomed to repeat the failures of your family, rather they should inspire you to be a better person. i am not talking about being to "good" to associate with them. just be someone who would be an asset to your future husband, no matter who that might be. if you do this and they do not accept you, that is a flaw of theirs, not of yours. it may be that after he finishes school he will be free of their control. or maybe not. some people just cant bear the pressure from their family.
i was never really accepted by the grandparents of my husband. (they were his legal parents and the ones who raised him) because i first dated his brother who was the favorite. they loved me and thought i could do no wrong. when i (it was mutual and has never been a problem between the brother and i) broke up with his brother and fell in love with him, i was told that i was making a huge mistake. when i actually married my husband, they were civil. 6 years later when my brother in law married, his wife became their all and all. in fact one day, another sister in law and i were out on the porch visiting and grandpa came out and told us, no matter what you two do you will never measure up to.....________. at that point i realized that it was their problem and not mine.
be the best you can be and let other people deal with their problems. you can be happy and successful in spite of who likes you and who dont. it isnt easy to be sure but it can be done. good luck sweetie, mal
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you've been dealing w/ alot of stress. First thing you need to do is focus on keeping your head up. After you have that mastered, get rid of this 'boy'. The fact that he left you when you found out you were prego is a bright red flag. If a woman is willing to carry a man's child, that man should be willing to respect you and support you. It doesn't sound like he does either? I'm sorry and it's probably not what you want to hear, but this is most likely a blessing in disguise. You deserve better than that. It doesn't sound as if he has anything at all to offer you besides heartache. And as far as his family is concerned, that's all the more reason to let him go.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 Hun, sorry you are going thru such a rough time at the moment, but to be honest, you are better off without your bf.
Just because this folks think that you come from a 'rough family' doesnt mean that you wouldnt have been a great mom to your child. I think your bf is listening to his parents and that is why he doesnt want to be with you. I dont think that he is really good bf material - he was willing to have sex with you but not willing to take the consequences.
I would suggest you find a counsellor to chat to as you have been through an awful lot lately.
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