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He says he loves me, but he's just too tired for sex...

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 March 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and we have an overall good relationship.

Since the first few weeks of going out though, when there was plenty of passion in the relationship, our sex life has all but died on its feet. He says he loves me, and I don't doubt that, but it seems that he'll do just about anything to get out of having sex with me: if I don't initiate it, then it doesn't happen; if I'm not quick enough to arouse him, he falls asleep; if I'm too blatant about what I'm after he just makes an excuse.

We have discussed this in the past, when he told me that he was just too tired all the time. I have since tried seducing him earlier on or when he's not been at work that day, but he's no more enthused for it. It seemed before that the only answer was for me to try to learn to live without, but a year on and it's not getting any easier.

I really do love him and am terrified that one day I'll get so desperate that I go out and jump on the first man I see. I just want to feel wanted. I figured that it either had to be because my body isn't very attractive (I don't have any boobs) or it might be because I'm bad in bed, but I don't see how celibacy will help either problem.

View related questions: at work, boobs, sex life

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2005):

Wendyg agony auntI seems to me that there could be an underlying problem here, not the sex part... Have you tried telling him openly how you feel, and discussed ways in which you can make it better together ? My advice would be to go away for the weekend together, sit and talk about things, it maybe that he simply doesnt have a high sex drive, and that is something you will have to overcome together, learn to accept or find ways around it together. It could also be a deep down prob,or maybe he is having eretion problems, any number of things, you say you are in love and that your relationship apart from that is good, focus on that and what you mean to each other, be more affectionate rather than seductive, make him feel special, let him know that you are there for him and that you would love for you to be hot together again. What you actually need to do is ask him whats gone wrong and see if the two of you can work out why the sex isnt there on his part, his excuse just being too tired seems a bit too uninformative, you need to really find out whats up, but be gentle and diplomatic, take your time to find each other again and take each day as it comes, if you really love each other,you will see your way through.

All the best.

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