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He says he doesn't want an open relationship

Tagged as: Cheating, Gay relationships, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 September 2006) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2006)
A male , *agk2j writes:

i am not sure weather i think this way or anyone in my situation would think the same. we have been dating for the past 1 and half years and we love each other. our relationship started with online dating(we used to live very far) and it led to love. so i got a job and moved to the city next to his. because of our jobs we live in different cities. we both meet only in the weekends and have fun.on weekdays we talk on phone. now the problem is that i found him sleeping with different guys on the weekdays. i asked him and he said he was guilty and said we wouldn't repeat. but i found him sleeping with some other guy(not the same guy everytime). i asked him again about where our relationship would go. i also asked him if he wants an openrelationship or not. he said he is really guilty for this act and he would never repeat it and he doesnot want an open relationship but he wants to be with me. now my question is can i trust him. sometimes i feel i am fine with him and sometimes i feel i am a fool to trust him again. can you please help me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006):

Long distance flirting (red flag) with you over the internet. I'd bet his description of himself was VGL, hot, etc. You actually moved to be with this guy! He loves the attention you give him (and aparently the attention everyone else does as well). He sounds narcissistic.

My guess is that he will continue to seek attention from others to validate his self worth. No matter how much love you give him it may never be enough.

Is he worth it? Does he put in as much to the relationship as he takes from it? Does he love YOU enough to protect you from STDs and create a jealousy-free relationship? Finally, don't confuse him loving you with him loving the attention/affection you give him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2006):

In fact you are already in an open relationship. It is just a question of semantics. He sounds insecure and cannot control himself. He is MANIPULATIVE!!! he needs to CONTROL! I know because I was too. It's not a good foundation for a good relationship. He needs to grow and realise that he can't control verything. Give him a taste of his own medicine or move on. I know it's hard but it's for the best.

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A male reader, lboy United Kingdom +, writes (22 September 2006):

lboy agony aunthi, i really think that you should give this guy some serious thought, you caught many times with different men, he promised not to do it again but did, i really think that this guy may just be a player out for a good time. you should manybe try to have some time apart or try to move closer so that you can see him more often as that will probably stop him from cheating.

good luck

from lboy

xxx

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A male reader, jagk2j +, writes (21 September 2006):

jagk2j is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i think i will dump him and see what he has to do

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006):

I think Wendyg has sussed him out. The reason why he probably doesn't want an open relationship is because that would mean you would be free to sleep with other people as well. He probably knows you are faithful and likes it that way. The fact that he promised never to do it again and then did it again speaks volumes. Will he really stop or will he continue sleeping with people during the week?

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (20 September 2006):

Wendyg agony auntHe doesnt want an open relationship but sleeps with others when your not around!? Hmm interesting! What it seems to me is hes happy to be with you, see other people in the week, so long as you dont! So when he says hes doesnt want an open relationship he means I can sleep with other people, but he doesnt want you sleeping with others.. Sounds like he will continue to see his in the week friends regardless, so its up to you if you want to carry on. What do you really want from this and does he want the same thing. I dont think hes ready to give up his in the week friends yet hun or he would have done so already. So I think the trust is already a little a broken. If you want someone exclusive to you, im not getting the impression you will find it in this guy.

Take Care x x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006):

I know how you feel! Look he is sleeping with other people and i would dump him because by the looks of it he is not going to stop, so before you get even more hurt, do the best thing for you and dump him

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