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He said we can advance by the time I reach 18 if I still like him. Why shouldn't we date now?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 26 February 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am 15 and i like someone who is 20. We both have feelings for each other but because of the age difference we have to wait until i am 18. he said that when i am 18 if i still have feelings for him than we should make the relationship serious. but i'm worried that when the time comes he will have found someone new. is it wrong for us to like each other? and should we wait? i mean age is just a number so cant we just try to make it work now?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

babe, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

I'm seeing someone who is 23 and I am 15 ( going on 16 )

we really like each other i mean, I'm the one he's with every night.

He hates going in public with me, especially in the day.

which i guess is understandable. but it bothers me so much.

I mean you cant fight fate and everything happens for a reason

but also, he wants to wait until I am at least 17.

I understand and i will wait

if its ment to be it'll find its way.

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (20 February 2008):

I know it's hard for you to understand why he can't just take it further but you need to bear it with patience and understanding.Try to look at it from his perspective but again it may be a way of telling you he sees you nothing more than a friend.Either way he's got a point that it's too early for you to start seriosly dating guys.

Take care.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (20 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIt is only your perceptions that you have feelings for each other. You may have misconstrued his feeling for you as love.

He is simply not interested in more than a friend with you and that is only an excuse .

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A male reader, jd12 United States +, writes (20 February 2008):

i think that theres nothing wrong with it. You may have some suble differences in maturity levels, and experiences, but thats no reason why you cant love eachother. However, in serious reltionships, sex is actually a major factor, and with him being 20 and you being 15, it's hard for that to work.

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A female reader, deejuliet United States +, writes (20 February 2008):

deejuliet agony auntI have been in your shoes, but I was only 13 and he was 20. We liked each other so much, but my parents (and rightly so!!) said we could not date because of the age differance. They said once I was 18 I was free to date him. Unfortunately, by the time I was 18 I was no longer interested in him romantically even though he was in me. We have talked about this many times, and if he had only TOLD me he really wanted to have a chance to date me, I would have given him that chance. But by that time I really just thought of him as my friend. Fast forward 19 years and I was getting divorced and he was still my friend. We began dating and now we have been together for 3 years!! I guess my point is, if it is meant to be it will be. Wait until you are of legal age. It really is for the best. Do I wish now that I had spent those 19 years with him instead of my ex? Yeah. But I cant change that now and the now is what is important. Good luck!

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A female reader, lilmisse2424 United States +, writes (20 February 2008):

lilmisse2424 agony auntI know a friend whose brother had a situation like that, and it was prety embarrassing for her and her family and it wrecked a relationship and it does bring up concerns. Before I get into it, there is nothing wrong with liking somebody, however, the age factor does matter in this case. One of you is an adult and one of you is a child. He has the right to worry and plus, he doesn't want to get himself in jail. He is also protecting himself and you from jail by saying that he wants to wait until you are older. So don't worry, you have a lot of time, and make it work, if it still will.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (19 February 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

He is obviously worried about going to jail. So if you really like him you will respect his decision . If you dont care then by all means keep pressuring him, but if your parents found out they would probably contact the police , he would then have to answer questions about your relationship and if you had sex he will go to jail.

As I said if you dont care about him then go for it you will have some fun and he will end up in jail.

That is harsh I know, but if you want to go out with an adult you cant expect to behave selfishly like a schoolchild.

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A female reader, Minelisse Puerto Rico +, writes (19 February 2008):

Minelisse agony auntThere is nothing wrong with liking someone. I think he is actually being a nice guy and protecting you.

At your age it might seem the world will end if you don't date this guy but it won't. Three years will give you the opportunity to meet other guys, get to know this one better and make the best choice for yourself. I am sure it seems like a lot of time, but just try to take a day at a time. Only time will tell.

Best of lucks!

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntYes age CAN be a number but this is when both are adults. He is 20 and your 15, your still a kid, in life a more importantly for him by law.

Say you did date and had sex he would go straight to jail if someone told the police, which wouldnt be too good for him. I think he is being smart by wanting to wait until you are of legal age as if something were to happen, you wouldnt get into trouble, he would,he would go to jail, he would be labeled a pedo, he would be put on the sex offenders register, his life would be ruined. Hes done the smart thing and decided to wait until your of legal age.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

hey, well

im 15 and i met this guy about a year or so ago, hes 19, due to turn 20 in april and we both like/d each other, then around a week ago i found out that he has a date on thursday, as i didnt tell him exactly how i felt hes obviously moved on. no one can understnd how much i actually like this guy but now hes moved on. dont let this guy you like move on. theres is nothing wrong with age so long as you aren't havin sex you are completely legal! good luck x

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