A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok...I'm 45 and the guy I've been dating for almost three months is 34. I've invited him to meet friends...my family..but he always backs off. Today we talked and he said that three months is way too early. We only see each other about once a week...in almost three months...we've gone to the movies once....had pizza once...went to a festival once...and had dinner with friends once. Everything seems so superficial.He said hes never been close to family and has to work with that where I've been used to bringing home friends and dates to meet my family etc.He said to be patient....he needs his space sometimes. Said to give him a chance to work out things.Oh yeah.....it was my birthday a few weeks back. He never bothered to get me a card or give me anything. His car had broken down and he blamed it on not having transportation. But, I told him even a make shift card or flower pulled from the garden would have been something.I don't know what to think. Sounds pretty crappy, doesn't it?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RAVEMORE  +, writes (12 July 2010):
I understand the fact he doesn't want to meet with your family after 3 months of dating. I find that too early myself. The red flag for me is that he didn't give you anything for your birthday.Also, I would like to point out that if you would be happy with just a flower from his garden,( and he probably knows that's the kind of person you are.), and the guy you are dating gives you NOTHING, it's a big neon sign telling you to raise your standards and expect more instead of settling for less.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, juju67  +, writes (6 July 2010):
I tell it to you straight from my own experience,maybe you know this yourself BUT this guy is NOT into you. Don't even try to find a reason to stay, you are definately wasting your time. He knows he is younger and can still potentially find someone else.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I think you have a good reason to be upset. But... i live five minutes from my boyfriends house. he wouldn't get me anything 'spectacular' for my birthday,so he didn't get me anything at all cos it just wasnt good enough and he's never had to do that before. Though i would have appreciated a flower picked from a tree, especially as he knows i love cherry blossoms and such like :) but he said he it was cheap and not enough lol. some peopel over look the small things. also, some men DO need their space and for a lot of people three months is wayyyy too early. It means different things to different people. With me, meeting my family is a 'not a big deal' thing, where as with some people meeting the family is a BIG deal.
Ask him what he needs time to work out?
It IS pretty shitty that he didn't get you ANYTHING for your birthday when ANTYTHING would have been good enough for you, but you just need to tell him that, because sometimes people don't understand that a thoughtful gesture than a grand gesture. I moaned thati dont get enough small gestures today :P we're organising a mini break 8-| not at all what i meant. i'#ve never even been bought flowers.
my point is, everybody is different. do you have any reason to believe he's not genuine in his explanations? and if you're feeling serious about him, ask him how he feels, see if you're on the same page.
that fact that he's continuing to see you and make arrangements with you is a good sign though
and i think u mite need to decide if he makes u happy and if he does just be patient and see what happens and after waiting a bit if ur still not convinced then talk to him and follow up with some action!
x
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A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Yeh it doesn't sound like the relationship I'd want. Doesn't sound like a relationship with lots of potential but if you wanna try anyway, definitely see each other a lot more. Him making lots of excuses is definitely a bad sign and the fact that he thinks it's going too fast means he's not excited about the whole thing. I'm sorry but if I were you, I wouldn't get my hopes up. It's cute you'd settle for a flower from the garden for your birthday though ;)
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