A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hello, im not sure about my boyfriends behavior recently. We play this online game together, and its pretty much the only time we spend together as we are in a long distance relationship and he is unable to come and visit me for a few months due to some personal reasons at his home. But anyways, we've discussed whats considered cheating, and he said that flirting and the like are not cheating, and says as long as we don't tell other people we love them then its all right. This makes me think that maybe hes been flirting or has a thing for another girl.. How do i talk to him to see if thats what hes saying?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, troubledtoomuch  + ♥, writes (31 August 2008):
 I think it depends on your definition of flerting. Some people think of flirting as what one does to try to pick up somebody for some amount of sexual contact. Other people think of flirting as giving complements to tell someone we know that they are attractive in some way or non-sexual touching, like on the arm. If it is the first kind, then that is cheating or at least borders on it. If it is the latter then I think that it is harmless flirting to make both parties feel attractive. Most of us like that confirmation that we are attractive in some way.
The part about not telling someone that we love them is confusing. I can have sex with someone and not love them or not tell them. That is deffinitely cheating if I am in a committed realtionship. I can't guess what he means with that comment.
You 2 need to discuss this subject to determine what both of you mean in detail by any comments on this subject. If a girlfriend said that to me I would wonder what was meant by that and want to know.
A
female
reader, graciie; +, writes (31 August 2008):
it does sound like he may be flirting,
and you dont know maybe more.
because he said aslong as he doesnt say i love you to them.
if he cares about you enough then he wouldnt.
but if your having doubt it means the trust isnt there and that is what all good relationships are based on.
xo
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (31 August 2008):
 How do you talk to him? Well, you need to establish the ground rules for your relationship that include a way for the two of you to talk in a "safe" way to one another. Any relationship depends on open and honest communication. If you are not able to say what's on your mind and hear what your partner has to say, the relationship will not last.
So tell your guy that the two of you need to set some rules for how you can talk to one another. Get that out of the way FIRST. Don't try to use it immediately to talk about the flirting issue. Getting the communications channel open is far more important in the long run than just that one thing. Once the two of you have settled on a way that you can switch into "serious discussion" mode without either of you feeling threatened, you'll have no problem bringing up the question of what the limits to your commitment ought to be.
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