A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me I'm struggling. So to make this short. I'm gay and I'm 18 I have a boyfriend who's 19 we have four months together. Do now about my issue. I went on my boyfriend Facebook without permission I loged on with his password and checked his messages in his massages with his friend he will be like I want to make out with you . I want to cuddle with you .And he also talked to him about he went to a party and saw two sexy guys and I told himself I want to fuck them and boom an hour later I did. So his friend is like you a hoe lol. I confronted him about it and he tells me I'm over reacting and that he was just joking that this is the way he jokes around with all his friends and none of that is true. Now I don't trust my boyfriend and it hurts what should I do. How can I be able to trust him. Do u think he telling the truth or not and maybe he's hiding something. Please help what should I do. I told him its over but were together again and I can't clear the fact all that it's still on my mind and when I talk about it he says it a joke I never did any of that just bc I say it does not mean I do it. Please help me thank you
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male
reader, BrokenKuato  +, writes (31 January 2012):
Hey I've been in the same boat, I'm 20 and my boyfriend was 18. Very similar situation, he was always super protective about his facebook password and would never read his private messages infront of me so straight away alarm bells were ringing. One night he left it on and I had a looked and there wasn't just one guy he'd been speaking too there was dozens. I tried convincing myself it was just harmless flirting to boost his own ego. So I just brushed it under the carpet a few weeks later I discover he'd gone and met one of these guys for sex.
I was not only heartbroken but I felt like such an idiot for not trusting my instincts. People say we learn from our mistakes well I think you could learn from mine.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2012):
 hi
It is a known fact that for macho, bravado and boasting reasons men often exaggerate how often, how long, how many interactions they have with sexual partners. It is not very mature behavior, but it happens. Guys who do it may even be a tad insecure. BUT, where there is smoke there is often a grain of truth. At the very least he would like to be thought of as 'hot'/promiscuos' (take your pick).
So I think it is likely that he has been unfaithful. Though maybe not as often as he claimed when bragging to his friend.
The fact that he even talked to this guy like that does not auger well for a faithful relationship with you. He also seems a little shallow that he needs to boast like this.
Many gay guys do have faithful happy long term relationships. So do not lose heart. There are gay guys willing to respect a monogamy and being faithful in their relationship.
One proviso: if he was telling the truth then it would suggest that he is not bothered by very casual relationships. So do see your Doctor about a check up for health sake.
And yes, a passive aggressive response is to claim it was 'just a joke' when somethings is discovered that he wants to deny - so deflect blame away from him he then says it was 'just a joke' or 'you have no sense of humor' when really it did happen, and he did like you kno
- but he refuses to accept responsibility for what he DID really do.
The last lesson is that prying destroys trust in a relation.
You probably had a suspicion.
But prying just does not help.
A discussion and openess between the two of you, even if it had to be done over several sessions probably would have uncovered the truth
Do good things to enrich your life. Even if these are new activites and hopefully bring you some joy. He may see the light. He may not. But protect yourself from any sadness by looking after you extra well.
Best wishes,
Abella
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